Was ready to write my reviews for the week Friday evening when l found out Chuck Norris passed away. 🥺😭 It shouldn't be too shocking when an 86 year old man dies, but it still felt sudden for Chuck to be gone from this mortal soil. So l watched the first flick l came across to on streaming in honor of Chuck Norris, who l humbly request to Patrick we dedicate a whole day to in our upcoming Junesploitation! 2026 calendar. ✊️🤓
LONE WOLF MCQUADE (1983, TUBI) is 75% contemporary American western vehicle for Chuck, but also 25% spaghetti western. Francesco De Massi's score liberally steals from Ennio Morricone and his own work (140+ Italian movies) to give "LWM's" music a personality absent from most of Norris' oeuvre. Playing an always sweaty/filthy Texas Ranger that doesn't play by the rules, Chuck eventually clashes with drug-dealing, weapons-selling, karate-practicing bad guy David Carradine. Not only did Carradine kill Chuck's partner (no emoting) and is sleeping with the same woman they both love ("Never Say Never Again's" Barbara Carrera), but toward the end he kidnaps Norris' teenage daughter and kills his dog (still no emoting). After the opening horse thieves ambush in the desert action is infrequent and sporadic, but some fun supporting characters (Kane Hodder as a goon, L.Q. Jones as Chuck's buddy, etc.) keep things lively. The last third of "LWM" goes crazy with the explosions and all the macho posturing between two American martial arts badasses you could ever want. 3.75 BEERS FUELING CHUCK'S POPEYE-LIKE OUTBURSTS (out of five).
PROJECT HAIL MARY (2026, IMAX 70MM) is a major disappointment if you don't temper your expectations. I understand that contemporary filmmakers with clout want to do their own interpretation of a "2001: A Space Odyssey"-type, semi-grounded space epic. Too bad Phil Lord and Christopher Miller tried to adapt Andy Weir's source material to fit their comedic style instead of making their style fit the source material. Even "Guardians of the Galaxy" movies take themselves more seriously than "PHM," which constantly tramples its narrative momentum with either a joke or a string of comedic gags. The final flashback reveal of how Dr. Grace (Ryan Gosling, playing 180 degrees opposite his role in "First Man") ended up aboard a self-sustained spaceship light-years from Earth should be dramatic and devastating... but Lord/Miller couldn't help themselves. 🙄🫣 It looks gorgeous for a polished comedic sci-fi spectacle, but I'll be hanging at Kubrick's and Nolan's space operas and rarely (if ever) revisit Lord/Miller's space playground.
A major turnaround from last year's disappointing "Elio," Disney/Pixar's HOPPERS 3D ('26, THEATER) marries Pixar's knack for hearty spectacle with the manic, well-timed cartoony energy of a DreamWorks animated flick. The Major of Beavertown (Jon Hamm) wants to build a highway extension over the animal-friendly pond that environment advocate Mabel (Piper Cuda) swore her grandma she'd protect. Cue the magical technology that lets Mabel's human mind enter a beaver robot she uses to try to lure animals back into the pond. Things get wacky (sharks "fly," insects stage an animal kingdom revolt, Major Jerry's re-election is jeopardized, etc.) as the Pixar folks manage to fit a pro-environmental agenda into a heartwarming tale of human/animal friendship. King George in regular beaver form is the cutest CG creature ever! 🦫🥰 Came into "Hoppers 3D" a skeptic, came out a won-over believer. 😎👍
Caught Hayao Miyazaki's KIKI'S DELIVERY SERVICE (1989, IMAX) during a week-long theatrical engagement on AMC IMAX screens. I actually watched "Kiki" right before "Project Hail Mary" on the same AMC theater (Lincoln 68th St., biggest IMAX screen in NYC), and the sense of wonder the former still has didn't do the latter any favors. There is a reason "Kiki" has been in my all-time favorites Top 10 since a theatrical rewatch in the latest aughts. Kiki's self-doubt and vulnerability make her relatable, but her kindness (helping the old ladies clean while baking the cake) and likability (enough to inspire a painter and make pregnant baker Osono offer Kiki her free room and a job) elevate her into my panteon of favorite movie characters. If only she knew how to make Jiji talk again... 😼😽😍
I was jonesing for some William Lustig commentary (don't ask! 🥶), so into the LG player went MANIAC COP 2 (1990) & MANIAC COP 3: BADGE OF SILENCE (1992, BOTH BLUE UNDERGROUND 4K UHD) with their respective commentary tracks. Love unpleasant war stories from the trenches of low-budget filmmaking by people like Lustig who aren't afraid to make themselves look bad, and these two "Maniac Cop" sequels are full of them. Still don't own OG "Maniac Cop" because, despite Lustig directing it, it feels like it's punching below the sequels' weight (yes, even "Badge of Silence").
Last but not least, Radio Silence's READY OR NOT 2: HERE I COME ('26, THEATER) is the small consolation prize we get for this filmmaking team getting removed from the "Scream" franchise. It takes less than 20 minutes for Samara Weaving to put back on the blood-soaked wedding dress from the prequel, and by minute 30 Grace and younger sister Faith (Kathryn Newton) are running for their lives from a whole new bunch of 1% devil worshipping a-holes. David Cronenberg and Elijah Wood have choice supporting roles, but few of the new baddies (Sarah Michelle Gellar, Nestor Carbonell) rise above cartoony. The sisters bickering gets old fast, but necessary for the high-stakes grand finale. It's okay-ish. 🤔
Was ready to write my reviews for the week Friday evening when l found out Chuck Norris passed away. 🥺😭 It shouldn't be too shocking when an 86 year old man dies, but it still felt sudden for Chuck to be gone from this mortal soil. So l watched the first flick l came across to on streaming in honor of Chuck Norris, who l humbly request to Patrick we dedicate a whole day to in our upcoming Junesploitation! 2026 calendar. ✊️🤓
ReplyDeleteLONE WOLF MCQUADE (1983, TUBI) is 75% contemporary American western vehicle for Chuck, but also 25% spaghetti western. Francesco De Massi's score liberally steals from Ennio Morricone and his own work (140+ Italian movies) to give "LWM's" music a personality absent from most of Norris' oeuvre. Playing an always sweaty/filthy Texas Ranger that doesn't play by the rules, Chuck eventually clashes with drug-dealing, weapons-selling, karate-practicing bad guy David Carradine. Not only did Carradine kill Chuck's partner (no emoting) and is sleeping with the same woman they both love ("Never Say Never Again's" Barbara Carrera), but toward the end he kidnaps Norris' teenage daughter and kills his dog (still no emoting). After the opening horse thieves ambush in the desert action is infrequent and sporadic, but some fun supporting characters (Kane Hodder as a goon, L.Q. Jones as Chuck's buddy, etc.) keep things lively. The last third of "LWM" goes crazy with the explosions and all the macho posturing between two American martial arts badasses you could ever want. 3.75 BEERS FUELING CHUCK'S POPEYE-LIKE OUTBURSTS (out of five).
R.I.P. Chuck. 🫡😎
Back to our regularly scheduled reviews.
ReplyDeletePROJECT HAIL MARY (2026, IMAX 70MM) is a major disappointment if you don't temper your expectations. I understand that contemporary filmmakers with clout want to do their own interpretation of a "2001: A Space Odyssey"-type, semi-grounded space epic. Too bad Phil Lord and Christopher Miller tried to adapt Andy Weir's source material to fit their comedic style instead of making their style fit the source material. Even "Guardians of the Galaxy" movies take themselves more seriously than "PHM," which constantly tramples its narrative momentum with either a joke or a string of comedic gags. The final flashback reveal of how Dr. Grace (Ryan Gosling, playing 180 degrees opposite his role in "First Man") ended up aboard a self-sustained spaceship light-years from Earth should be dramatic and devastating... but Lord/Miller couldn't help themselves. 🙄🫣 It looks gorgeous for a polished comedic sci-fi spectacle, but I'll be hanging at Kubrick's and Nolan's space operas and rarely (if ever) revisit Lord/Miller's space playground.
A major turnaround from last year's disappointing "Elio," Disney/Pixar's HOPPERS 3D ('26, THEATER) marries Pixar's knack for hearty spectacle with the manic, well-timed cartoony energy of a DreamWorks animated flick. The Major of Beavertown (Jon Hamm) wants to build a highway extension over the animal-friendly pond that environment advocate Mabel (Piper Cuda) swore her grandma she'd protect. Cue the magical technology that lets Mabel's human mind enter a beaver robot she uses to try to lure animals back into the pond. Things get wacky (sharks "fly," insects stage an animal kingdom revolt, Major Jerry's re-election is jeopardized, etc.) as the Pixar folks manage to fit a pro-environmental agenda into a heartwarming tale of human/animal friendship. King George in regular beaver form is the cutest CG creature ever! 🦫🥰 Came into "Hoppers 3D" a skeptic, came out a won-over believer. 😎👍
Caught Hayao Miyazaki's KIKI'S DELIVERY SERVICE (1989, IMAX) during a week-long theatrical engagement on AMC IMAX screens. I actually watched "Kiki" right before "Project Hail Mary" on the same AMC theater (Lincoln 68th St., biggest IMAX screen in NYC), and the sense of wonder the former still has didn't do the latter any favors. There is a reason "Kiki" has been in my all-time favorites Top 10 since a theatrical rewatch in the latest aughts. Kiki's self-doubt and vulnerability make her relatable, but her kindness (helping the old ladies clean while baking the cake) and likability (enough to inspire a painter and make pregnant baker Osono offer Kiki her free room and a job) elevate her into my panteon of favorite movie characters. If only she knew how to make Jiji talk again... 😼😽😍
I was jonesing for some William Lustig commentary (don't ask! 🥶), so into the LG player went MANIAC COP 2 (1990) & MANIAC COP 3: BADGE OF SILENCE (1992, BOTH BLUE UNDERGROUND 4K UHD) with their respective commentary tracks. Love unpleasant war stories from the trenches of low-budget filmmaking by people like Lustig who aren't afraid to make themselves look bad, and these two "Maniac Cop" sequels are full of them. Still don't own OG "Maniac Cop" because, despite Lustig directing it, it feels like it's punching below the sequels' weight (yes, even "Badge of Silence").
Last but not least, Radio Silence's READY OR NOT 2: HERE I COME ('26, THEATER) is the small consolation prize we get for this filmmaking team getting removed from the "Scream" franchise. It takes less than 20 minutes for Samara Weaving to put back on the blood-soaked wedding dress from the prequel, and by minute 30 Grace and younger sister Faith (Kathryn Newton) are running for their lives from a whole new bunch of 1% devil worshipping a-holes. David Cronenberg and Elijah Wood have choice supporting roles, but few of the new baddies (Sarah Michelle Gellar, Nestor Carbonell) rise above cartoony. The sisters bickering gets old fast, but necessary for the high-stakes grand finale. It's okay-ish. 🤔