BONUS: 30 DAYS OF PINK PANTHER & FRIENDS, DAY 21! 119.- THE TRAIL OF THE PINK PANTHER (1982, DVD). Also streaming on AMAZON PRIME, TUBI, PLUTO, ROKU TV, YOUTUBE.
And this is the part where I come in. 😇
In 1982 I was a nine-year-old Salvadorean kid that loved watching the daily "Pink Panther" cartoon shorts on local TV. I did my own drawings trying to mimic the animated show's style, unsuccessfully. Then TV/newspaper ads for this "Trail of the Pink Panther" movie showed up. A Sunday newspaper article detailed that "Trail..." was the latest in a long line of 'PP' movies being made without its original star, some guy named Peter Sellers, who had passed away from a heart attack in 1980. 🥺😭 I was confused, but the idea of any kind of 'Pink Panther' movie (cartoon or not) sounded exciting to me. So the family chose an uncle to take me to see it (thanks, Mom! 😉). And even though I didn't understand a narrative/plot that I was coming to in the middle of (stolen Pink Panther diamond? Lugash? Some lunatic, eye-twitching boss named Dreyfus?), the animated opening and the ending compilation of Clouseau highlights from the entire series (something that impressed a kid that didn't know VCR's existed) sent me over the moon. It'd take years for me to eventually watch all the movies in chronological order. It remains my favorite comedy series of all time, even though the fandom started with a sixth sequel that's problematic at best, a complete disaster at worst. 🫤
Armed with outtakes/scenes from previous 'Panther' movies except "Inspector Clouseau" (no Peter Sellers footage to pillage from that one) plus numerous deleted scenes from "... Strikes Again" (which are actually a highlight since they're from the best sequel in the series, IMHO), Blake Edwards cobbles together about 35-40 minutes of Ins. Clouseau and Chief Dreyfus (Herbert Lom) bickering as the Pink Panther diamond is stolen for a third time. This opening third has the funniest gags/best jokes, especially the 'message' hotel receptionist and telephone pull.😅 Then Clouseau's Lugash-bound plane goes missing and he's presumed dead (aka, Edwards ran out of usable deleted Sellers footage), with French journalist Marie Jouvet (Joana Lumley, aka Patsy in TV's "Absolutely Fabulous") taking over as lead. She interviews people from Clouseau's past like David Niven (dubbed by impersonator Rich Little due to Niven's failing health), Capucine, Robert Loggia (who apparently replaced Douvier as French crime boss after "Revenge of...") and Burt Kwouk, whose Cato for some reason still lives in Clouseau's empty apartment and attacks Jouvet when she drops by unannounced. Except for a small role by freaking Denise Crosby as Loggia's swimming pool squeeze, the middle act of "Trail..." is laugh-free and painful to sit through.
Things pick up toward the end when Marie interviews Clouseau's elderly father ("Empty Nest's" Richard Mulligan), who is just as big a klutz as his son. Flashbacks to Clouseau's youth as a kid, teenager and WWII Resistance fighter showcase some mildly amusing urinary and big explosion jokes, but by then it's too late. Whether he meant to pay tribute to the greatness of Peter Sellers' comedic chops or simply wanted to keep the 'Panther' series going for his own amusement, Blake Edwards epically shat the bed and delivered a clip show glued together by supporting and day players that are no substitute for the star at the heart of the franchise. It'll always have a place in my heart as my entry point to the series, but even I have to say 'Merde' here as much as the Clouseau character does in the actual movie.
ANIMATED INTRO OPENING: 4 PAC-MAN REMOTE JOYSTICKS (out of five). The 2nd Marvel Animation opening is more creative than the one in "Revenge..." 4 years prior, helped immensely by Henry Mancini trying to elevate the material with some fun musical variations of the 'Panther' theme. It's one of the best parts of an otherwise dreadful sequel, I'm afraid. 😔
MOVIE RATING: 2.35 TOPLESS GIRLS SQUEEZING GRAPES... 80's 'PG' RULEZ! (out of five).
'IT'S ALL IN THE [DONAHUE STUNT] FAMILY' TRIFECTA! 120.- KILL SQUAD (1981, PLEX)
I was saving this trilogy for 'Exploitation Auteurs!' day, but f*ck it. There's plenty more fish where the Donahue clan came from. 😁 An early Patrick G. Donahue joint (so early that Sean P. only appears in one slow-motion scene as a young kid ramming his bike against a car), "Kill Squad" still has the 70's exploitation vibes ('woosh' sound effects, funky music score, dated fashions and haircuts, etc.) circulating through its early 80's veins. Vietnam veteran and businessman Joe Lawrence (Jeff Risk in his only movie role ever) is left paralyzed and wheelchair-bound after Cameron Mitchell's men (with Cameron himself on location) break into his house and r@pe/murder his wife. Months later and with the assistance of his former No. 2 man Larry (Jean Glaudé, sporting one sweet afro), the 'Kill Squad' of Vietnam survivors is assembled one member at a time (the conman, a pimp, the hulking cheater, a bodyguard, the businessman, etc.) so then, when introduced to Joe in person, they can showcase their martial arts skills directly toward the camera. This being a movie made by stuntmen for stuntmen, there's an epic kung-fu brawl every few minutes, sometimes one on top of another, as the 'Kill Squad' (two/three soldiers at a time) goes about trying to find a trace of Cameron Mitchell's whereabouts. But an unknown sniper starts sharpshooting our heroes one at a time from long distances, heightening the stakes for what should be an epic finale... right? 🙄🫤
"Kill Squad" at least realizes early on it has too many fight scenes, so Donahue throws in some variations (a car pile-up that yields an even bigger wreckage, a swimming pool brawl while a drunk Cameron Mitchell barbecues, etc.) to break the routine. The ending is pure cheese that almost derails the whole thing, but a gory money shot near the end concludes the revenge quest on a mini-high. This is your typical 2-to-3 star action movie that during Junesploitation! walks out with 3.85 UNCOOKED BURGER PATTIES AT CAMERON MITCHELL'S BACKYARD (out of five).
121.- THEY CALL ME MACHO WOMAN! (1989, VINEGAR SYNDROME BLU-RAY). Streaming on AMAZON PRIME, FAWESOME, PLEX.
The only reason I own this on VS BD is that, during a flash sale at Brooklyn's Nitehawk Cinema last year, I needed a third movie to get a steep bundle discount on two others I really wanted. I chose "They Call Me Macho Woman!" just for the title, not knowing then that Patrick G. Donahue directed it and two Donahue siblings (Sean and Mike) appear in it. A commune of rural drug dealers looking to score a big deal in nearby Los Angeles are threatened when meek-looking Susan Morris (Debra Sweaney) drives near their compound as she's looking for a country home of her own. Led by brute, helmet-stabbing leader Mongo (Brian Oldfield), the gang terrorizes/apprehends Susan before she escapes, then the cycle repeats several times with Morris racking up a body count as she stabs, humiliates and outsmarts her tormentors. Susan eventually has had enough and, after cleaning up her clothes and a rusty ax (the f*uck?), brings the pain to her pursuers by taking the fight directly to their compound.
There's an overpowering stench of cheese from production factory Troma in every aspect of "TCMMW!," which explains why the filmmaking by Patrick G. feels so different (i.e. amateurish and at times much inferior) from what I've seen him deliver in "Kill Squad" and "Parole Violators." It's as if Patrick lobotomized himself and then re-learned how to direct from the David A. Prior school of 'offscreen life doesn't exist outside the character's narrow POV' action. Characters left behind teleport where a just-arriving car has parked. A sound guy holding a shotgun mike is visible on the right-third of a scene for what feels like minutes. Rather than strikes against it, though, these amateur hour flaws combined with some hilarious action concepts (Susan running over the heads of Mongo's men, a car full of teenage r@pists dispatched by unseen goons, forest booby traps Morris sets up without knowing she'd even be there, etc.), enhance the 'so bad it's good' vibe of the flick. Sean P. and Mike are decent henchmen who also perform their own stunts, but it's Brian Oldfield's Mongo that steals the show. Even more than the Macho Woman herself, when Mongo pulls off the spiked helmet its showtime. A bad movie by any measure, but a solid 3.65 TROPICAL TARANTULAS/SNAKES IN THE MIDDLE OF RURAL CALIFORNIA (out of five) Junesploitation! pick. 🤠😎
Enough, zillagord! Stop controlling my Junesploitation! picks as if you were Ratatouille grabbing my hair to make me watch more Sean Donahue flicks! 🐭😍
A more appropriate title for this Sean P. Donahue action vehicle should have been 'The Medallion,' because in "Blood Hands" it really is the McGuffin that holds it all together. A kickboxing superstar (Ned Hourani) and his three-man entourage go on a beer run while intoxicated. They murder a supermarket clerk, then murder a middle-aged couple that was kind enough to let them into their home when their car stalled. Those were the parents of Steve Callahan (Sean P. Donahue), a rising kickboxing champ. The medallion one of the thugs wore and accidentally left at the scene of the crime eventually leads Steve to the quartet, who kill even more people with impunity (a detective, Callahan's trainer, etc.) and kidnap his girl to keep their crime spree secret. And just as in "Fighting Spirit," Sean has his ass kicked by the bad guys before getting a training montage from which he emerges a revenge-fueled, ass-kicking machine. The version of "BH" streaming on YouTube has an audio mix with stolen music cues overpowering the dialogue. On any other month that would be a strike against it, but for June the bad sound mix actually enhances the grindhouse vibes. Not as crazy as "Fighting Spirit," "BH" still delivers a good time if you can tolerate the simplistic everything and one-dimensional everybody. 3.15 BULLIED SONS OF BAD GUYS QUITTING KICKBOXING AS IF THEY WERE 'COMING OUT' TO DAD (out of five).
Raimi’s first Super 8 feature made with Scott Spiegel during summer break at Michigan State University for about $2,000. I imagine most of the budget was spent on the tanker truck set piece. And it’s kinda amazing to think that kids in the ‘70s could film a stunt sequence that would send anyone to jail in the 2020s, regardless of whether anyone was hurt or not. And of course, Bruce and Ted are along for the ride. Not great, but the ending is pure Raimi.
Is it great? No. Is it even good? Not really. But it is a bit of a guilty pleasure even if whenever I hear Mark Wahlberg speak I just hear Andy Samberg talking to animals.
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BONUS: 30 DAYS OF PINK PANTHER & FRIENDS, DAY 21!
ReplyDelete119.- THE TRAIL OF THE PINK PANTHER (1982, DVD). Also streaming on AMAZON PRIME, TUBI, PLUTO, ROKU TV, YOUTUBE.
And this is the part where I come in. 😇
In 1982 I was a nine-year-old Salvadorean kid that loved watching the daily "Pink Panther" cartoon shorts on local TV. I did my own drawings trying to mimic the animated show's style, unsuccessfully. Then TV/newspaper ads for this "Trail of the Pink Panther" movie showed up. A Sunday newspaper article detailed that "Trail..." was the latest in a long line of 'PP' movies being made without its original star, some guy named Peter Sellers, who had passed away from a heart attack in 1980. 🥺😭 I was confused, but the idea of any kind of 'Pink Panther' movie (cartoon or not) sounded exciting to me. So the family chose an uncle to take me to see it (thanks, Mom! 😉). And even though I didn't understand a narrative/plot that I was coming to in the middle of (stolen Pink Panther diamond? Lugash? Some lunatic, eye-twitching boss named Dreyfus?), the animated opening and the ending compilation of Clouseau highlights from the entire series (something that impressed a kid that didn't know VCR's existed) sent me over the moon. It'd take years for me to eventually watch all the movies in chronological order. It remains my favorite comedy series of all time, even though the fandom started with a sixth sequel that's problematic at best, a complete disaster at worst. 🫤
Armed with outtakes/scenes from previous 'Panther' movies except "Inspector Clouseau" (no Peter Sellers footage to pillage from that one) plus numerous deleted scenes from "... Strikes Again" (which are actually a highlight since they're from the best sequel in the series, IMHO), Blake Edwards cobbles together about 35-40 minutes of Ins. Clouseau and Chief Dreyfus (Herbert Lom) bickering as the Pink Panther diamond is stolen for a third time. This opening third has the funniest gags/best jokes, especially the 'message' hotel receptionist and telephone pull.😅 Then Clouseau's Lugash-bound plane goes missing and he's presumed dead (aka, Edwards ran out of usable deleted Sellers footage), with French journalist Marie Jouvet (Joana Lumley, aka Patsy in TV's "Absolutely Fabulous") taking over as lead. She interviews people from Clouseau's past like David Niven (dubbed by impersonator Rich Little due to Niven's failing health), Capucine, Robert Loggia (who apparently replaced Douvier as French crime boss after "Revenge of...") and Burt Kwouk, whose Cato for some reason still lives in Clouseau's empty apartment and attacks Jouvet when she drops by unannounced. Except for a small role by freaking Denise Crosby as Loggia's swimming pool squeeze, the middle act of "Trail..." is laugh-free and painful to sit through.
Things pick up toward the end when Marie interviews Clouseau's elderly father ("Empty Nest's" Richard Mulligan), who is just as big a klutz as his son. Flashbacks to Clouseau's youth as a kid, teenager and WWII Resistance fighter showcase some mildly amusing urinary and big explosion jokes, but by then it's too late. Whether he meant to pay tribute to the greatness of Peter Sellers' comedic chops or simply wanted to keep the 'Panther' series going for his own amusement, Blake Edwards epically shat the bed and delivered a clip show glued together by supporting and day players that are no substitute for the star at the heart of the franchise. It'll always have a place in my heart as my entry point to the series, but even I have to say 'Merde' here as much as the Clouseau character does in the actual movie.
ANIMATED INTRO OPENING: 4 PAC-MAN REMOTE JOYSTICKS (out of five). The 2nd Marvel Animation opening is more creative than the one in "Revenge..." 4 years prior, helped immensely by Henry Mancini trying to elevate the material with some fun musical variations of the 'Panther' theme. It's one of the best parts of an otherwise dreadful sequel, I'm afraid. 😔
MOVIE RATING: 2.35 TOPLESS GIRLS SQUEEZING GRAPES... 80's 'PG' RULEZ! (out of five).
'IT'S ALL IN THE [DONAHUE STUNT] FAMILY' TRIFECTA!
ReplyDelete120.- KILL SQUAD (1981, PLEX)
I was saving this trilogy for 'Exploitation Auteurs!' day, but f*ck it. There's plenty more fish where the Donahue clan came from. 😁 An early Patrick G. Donahue joint (so early that Sean P. only appears in one slow-motion scene as a young kid ramming his bike against a car), "Kill Squad" still has the 70's exploitation vibes ('woosh' sound effects, funky music score, dated fashions and haircuts, etc.) circulating through its early 80's veins. Vietnam veteran and businessman Joe Lawrence (Jeff Risk in his only movie role ever) is left paralyzed and wheelchair-bound after Cameron Mitchell's men (with Cameron himself on location) break into his house and r@pe/murder his wife. Months later and with the assistance of his former No. 2 man Larry (Jean Glaudé, sporting one sweet afro), the 'Kill Squad' of Vietnam survivors is assembled one member at a time (the conman, a pimp, the hulking cheater, a bodyguard, the businessman, etc.) so then, when introduced to Joe in person, they can showcase their martial arts skills directly toward the camera. This being a movie made by stuntmen for stuntmen, there's an epic kung-fu brawl every few minutes, sometimes one on top of another, as the 'Kill Squad' (two/three soldiers at a time) goes about trying to find a trace of Cameron Mitchell's whereabouts. But an unknown sniper starts sharpshooting our heroes one at a time from long distances, heightening the stakes for what should be an epic finale... right? 🙄🫤
"Kill Squad" at least realizes early on it has too many fight scenes, so Donahue throws in some variations (a car pile-up that yields an even bigger wreckage, a swimming pool brawl while a drunk Cameron Mitchell barbecues, etc.) to break the routine. The ending is pure cheese that almost derails the whole thing, but a gory money shot near the end concludes the revenge quest on a mini-high. This is your typical 2-to-3 star action movie that during Junesploitation! walks out with 3.85 UNCOOKED BURGER PATTIES AT CAMERON MITCHELL'S BACKYARD (out of five).
121.- THEY CALL ME MACHO WOMAN! (1989, VINEGAR SYNDROME BLU-RAY). Streaming on AMAZON PRIME, FAWESOME, PLEX.
ReplyDeleteThe only reason I own this on VS BD is that, during a flash sale at Brooklyn's Nitehawk Cinema last year, I needed a third movie to get a steep bundle discount on two others I really wanted. I chose "They Call Me Macho Woman!" just for the title, not knowing then that Patrick G. Donahue directed it and two Donahue siblings (Sean and Mike) appear in it. A commune of rural drug dealers looking to score a big deal in nearby Los Angeles are threatened when meek-looking Susan Morris (Debra Sweaney) drives near their compound as she's looking for a country home of her own. Led by brute, helmet-stabbing leader Mongo (Brian Oldfield), the gang terrorizes/apprehends Susan before she escapes, then the cycle repeats several times with Morris racking up a body count as she stabs, humiliates and outsmarts her tormentors. Susan eventually has had enough and, after cleaning up her clothes and a rusty ax (the f*uck?), brings the pain to her pursuers by taking the fight directly to their compound.
There's an overpowering stench of cheese from production factory Troma in every aspect of "TCMMW!," which explains why the filmmaking by Patrick G. feels so different (i.e. amateurish and at times much inferior) from what I've seen him deliver in "Kill Squad" and "Parole Violators." It's as if Patrick lobotomized himself and then re-learned how to direct from the David A. Prior school of 'offscreen life doesn't exist outside the character's narrow POV' action. Characters left behind teleport where a just-arriving car has parked. A sound guy holding a shotgun mike is visible on the right-third of a scene for what feels like minutes. Rather than strikes against it, though, these amateur hour flaws combined with some hilarious action concepts (Susan running over the heads of Mongo's men, a car full of teenage r@pists dispatched by unseen goons, forest booby traps Morris sets up without knowing she'd even be there, etc.), enhance the 'so bad it's good' vibe of the flick. Sean P. and Mike are decent henchmen who also perform their own stunts, but it's Brian Oldfield's Mongo that steals the show. Even more than the Macho Woman herself, when Mongo pulls off the spiked helmet its showtime. A bad movie by any measure, but a solid 3.65 TROPICAL TARANTULAS/SNAKES IN THE MIDDLE OF RURAL CALIFORNIA (out of five) Junesploitation! pick. 🤠😎
122.- BLOOD HANDS (PHILIPPINES, 1990, YOUTUBE)
ReplyDeleteEnough, zillagord! Stop controlling my Junesploitation! picks as if you were Ratatouille grabbing my hair to make me watch more Sean Donahue flicks! 🐭😍
A more appropriate title for this Sean P. Donahue action vehicle should have been 'The Medallion,' because in "Blood Hands" it really is the McGuffin that holds it all together. A kickboxing superstar (Ned Hourani) and his three-man entourage go on a beer run while intoxicated. They murder a supermarket clerk, then murder a middle-aged couple that was kind enough to let them into their home when their car stalled. Those were the parents of Steve Callahan (Sean P. Donahue), a rising kickboxing champ. The medallion one of the thugs wore and accidentally left at the scene of the crime eventually leads Steve to the quartet, who kill even more people with impunity (a detective, Callahan's trainer, etc.) and kidnap his girl to keep their crime spree secret. And just as in "Fighting Spirit," Sean has his ass kicked by the bad guys before getting a training montage from which he emerges a revenge-fueled, ass-kicking machine. The version of "BH" streaming on YouTube has an audio mix with stolen music cues overpowering the dialogue. On any other month that would be a strike against it, but for June the bad sound mix actually enhances the grindhouse vibes. Not as crazy as "Fighting Spirit," "BH" still delivers a good time if you can tolerate the simplistic everything and one-dimensional everybody. 3.15 BULLIED SONS OF BAD GUYS QUITTING KICKBOXING AS IF THEY WERE 'COMING OUT' TO DAD (out of five).
#JUneSPLOItaTION Day 21: Free Space!
ReplyDeleteIT’S MURDER! (1978) dir. Sam Raimi
Raimi’s first Super 8 feature made with Scott Spiegel during summer break at Michigan State University for about $2,000. I imagine most of the budget was spent on the tanker truck set piece. And it’s kinda amazing to think that kids in the ‘70s could film a stunt sequence that would send anyone to jail in the 2020s, regardless of whether anyone was hurt or not. And of course, Bruce and Ted are along for the ride. Not great, but the ending is pure Raimi.
The Italian Job (2003) dir. F. Gary Gray
ReplyDeleteIs it great? No. Is it even good? Not really. But it is a bit of a guilty pleasure even if whenever I hear Mark Wahlberg speak I just hear Andy Samberg talking to animals.