Thrill Seeker: CONSENTING ADULTS

 by Sonia Mansfield

And this is why you shouldn’t make friends with your neighbors.

Consenting Adults
Starring Kevin Kline, Kevin Spacey, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, and Rebecca Miller
Written by Matthew Chapman
Directed by Alan J. Pakula
Rated R for sex, violence, and coveting thy neighbor’s wife

Welcome to Thrill Seeker, in which I watch thrillers from the '80s and '90s. This month, I watched 1992’s Consenting Adults, starring Kevin Kline, Kevin Spacey, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, and Rebecca Miller.

Thanks to the success of Fatal Attraction, movie studios were cranking out [insert thing] from hell movies. The mistress from hell. The roommate from hell. The nanny from hell. The son from hell. The client from hell. The tenant from hell. Consenting Adults is the neighbors from hell movie.

Of course, I ran to the theater to see this movie. I thought it was ridiculous then, and I think it’s even more ridiculous now. Also, this movie was four years out from Kevin Kline’s Oscar-winning performance in A Fish Called Wanda, and — I think because of the mustache — I couldn’t get Otto out of my mind. I kept waiting for him to yell, “ASSHOLE” every time he was driving a car.

Don't call him stupid

Also, I was like, “Whoa, this is a January Man reunion. I’m in.” After the one-two punch of The January Man and The Abyss, I always liked Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. I have no reason to write about The Abyss, so I’ll just mention now that I put that movie in the category of “accidentally romantic.” I also put Poltergeist in that category.

So anyway, then there’s Kevin Spacey. Sigh. In 1992, I had no idea who Kevin Spacey was, but a few weeks later I saw Glengarry Glen Ross, and that’s when I realized that I was going to be seeing more of him. He was so good at playing creeps. He was one of my favorites for a while, until I realized that he wasn’t just playing a creep in the movies.

And hey, Rebecca Miller is there, too.

OK, let’s run through the plot, no spoilers.

The plot: Richard Parker (Kline) and his wife Priscilla (Mastrantonio) have been married for 14 years and work together as commercial jingle writers. They make a good living. They’ve got a nice, big house in the suburbs, and a sweet, young daughter who is never around because she goes to a school for musically gifted children. Is that important to the plot? Not at all. I guess they tell us that so we won’t wonder, “Where’s their kid?” all the time.

Richard and Priscilla meet their new neighbors, Eddy (Spacey with blond hair, so weird) and Kay Otis (Miller, also with blond hair, but not weird). They have dinner and drinks, and they get to know each other. Eddy works in finance and quickly bonds with Priscilla over investment talk. Kay is a talented singer, and she joins Richard at the piano. Richard is obviously super attracted to Kay even though his wife is Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. It makes no sense.

The couples hit it off, and they start to go on double dates and weekend getaways. Richard and Eddy start confiding in each other, and Richard reveals that their family has some debt. Eddy offers to help them out. Richard probably thinks Eddy will give him investment advice. Instead, Eddy throws himself in front of Richard’s car, fakes an injury, and then splits the settlement money with them so they can pay off their debts. What’s a little fraud between friends, am I right?

Apparently, this isn’t a red flag at all. They all go to a bar together, and Richard convinces the band to let Kay sing. Does this happen a lot in real life? Audience members just ask a band if someone else can sing, and the band’s like, “Ummm, it’s just my job to perform, but sure, go for it.” The way that Richard looks at Kay, it’s so obvious that he wants to fuck her, and Eddy calls him out on it. Luckily for Richard, Eddy also reveals that he wants to fuck Priscilla. Whew. It was about to get awkward.

Eddy’s like, “Yo, wouldn’t it be cool if we swapped wives, but didn’t tell the wives? We just sneak into each other’s bedrooms in the middle of the night and try to fuck each other’s wives while they’re sleeping without their consent? That would be so fun, right?”

Richard’s all, “Umm, nah. The movie’s called Consenting Adults, and there’s no consent in your plan.”

But Eddy doesn’t take no for an answer. He brings it up repeatedly and aggressively. He’s relentless. He basically peer pressures Richard into adultery that is also sexual assault.

So, late one night, after their victims wives are asleep, Richard and Eddy meet in front of their houses, exchange knowing looks, and sneak into each other’s homes and beds.

How did it go? Well, does this newspaper ad that Priscilla is reading the next day give you a hint?

There's a sale at Penney's!

And here’s where my plot summary ends, thrill seekers. Just know there’s a murder, more singing, and a Forest Whitaker sighting.

Is it a thrill? Not at all. It’s hard to believe Alan J. Pakula directed this. He directed one of the ultimate President from hell movies, All the President’s Men. He was more successful mining infidelity and paranoia in Presumed Innocent two years earlier.

Richard is such a dolt that I couldn’t muster up any sympathy for him. Eddy is so clearly a creep from the moment he appears that you can’t believe that someone smart like Priscilla wouldn’t see through him immediately. And hey, Kay is also there.

There are so many plot holes: “That wouldn’t happen.” “Whhhhy?” “Nobody does that.” “Do apes read philosophy?” (Yes, they just don’t understand it.)

No one behaves like an actual human. They’re just doing and saying the things they need to do to move the story to the next unsurprising twist. I don’t want to spoil the ending, but it’s basically “Having neighbors is the problem,” which is so stupid it made me wonder if the movie is supposed to be a comedy.

Rating: 2 out of 5 bunnies in a boiling pot