BONUS: 30 DAYS OF PINK PANTHER & FRIENDS, DAY 21! 119.- THE TRAIL OF THE PINK PANTHER (1982, DVD). Also streaming on AMAZON PRIME, TUBI, PLUTO, ROKU TV, YOUTUBE.
And this is the part where I come in. π
In 1982 I was a nine-year-old Salvadorean kid that loved watching the daily "Pink Panther" cartoon shorts on local TV. I did my own drawings trying to mimic the animated show's style, unsuccessfully. Then TV/newspaper ads for this "Trail of the Pink Panther" movie showed up. A Sunday newspaper article detailed that "Trail..." was the latest in a long line of 'PP' movies being made without its original star, some guy named Peter Sellers, who had passed away from a heart attack in 1980. π₯Ίπ I was confused, but the idea of any kind of 'Pink Panther' movie (cartoon or not) sounded exciting to me. So the family chose an uncle to take me to see it (thanks, Mom! π). And even though I didn't understand a narrative/plot that I was coming to in the middle of (stolen Pink Panther diamond? Lugash? Some lunatic, eye-twitching boss named Dreyfus?), the animated opening and the ending compilation of Clouseau highlights from the entire series (something that impressed a kid that didn't know VCR's existed) sent me over the moon. It'd take years for me to eventually watch all the movies in chronological order. It remains my favorite comedy series of all time, even though the fandom started with a sixth sequel that's problematic at best, a complete disaster at worst. π«€
Armed with outtakes/scenes from previous 'Panther' movies except "Inspector Clouseau" (no Peter Sellers footage to pillage from that one) plus numerous deleted scenes from "... Strikes Again" (which are actually a highlight since they're from the best sequel in the series, IMHO), Blake Edwards cobbles together about 35-40 minutes of Ins. Clouseau and Chief Dreyfus (Herbert Lom) bickering as the Pink Panther diamond is stolen for a third time. This opening third has the funniest gags/best jokes, especially the 'message' hotel receptionist and telephone pull.π Then Clouseau's Lugash-bound plane goes missing and he's presumed dead (aka, Edwards ran out of usable deleted Sellers footage), with French journalist Marie Jouvet (Joana Lumley, aka Patsy in TV's "Absolutely Fabulous") taking over as lead. She interviews people from Clouseau's past like David Niven (dubbed by impersonator Rich Little due to Niven's failing health), Capucine, Robert Loggia (who apparently replaced Douvier as French crime boss after "Revenge of...") and Burt Kwouk, whose Cato for some reason still lives in Clouseau's empty apartment and attacks Jouvet when she drops by unannounced. Except for a small role by freaking Denise Crosby as Loggia's swimming pool squeeze, the middle act of "Trail..." is laugh-free and painful to sit through.
Things pick up toward the end when Marie interviews Clouseau's elderly father ("Empty Nest's" Richard Mulligan), who is just as big a klutz as his son. Flashbacks to Clouseau's youth as a kid, teenager and WWII Resistance fighter showcase some mildly amusing urinary and big explosion jokes, but by then it's too late. Whether he meant to pay tribute to the greatness of Peter Sellers' comedic chops or simply wanted to keep the 'Panther' series going for his own amusement, Blake Edwards epically shat the bed and delivered a clip show glued together by supporting and day players that are no substitute for the star at the heart of the franchise. It'll always have a place in my heart as my entry point to the series, but even I have to say 'Merde' here as much as the Clouseau character does in the actual movie.
ANIMATED INTRO OPENING: 4 PAC-MAN REMOTE JOYSTICKS (out of five). The 2nd Marvel Animation opening is more creative than the one in "Revenge..." 4 years prior, helped immensely by Henry Mancini trying to elevate the material with some fun musical variations of the 'Panther' theme. It's one of the best parts of an otherwise dreadful sequel, I'm afraid. π
MOVIE RATING: 2.35 TOPLESS GIRLS SQUEEZING GRAPES... 80's 'PG' RULEZ! (out of five).
"Kill Squad" at least realizes early on it has too many fight scenes, so Donahue throws in some variations (a car pile-up that yields an even bigger wreckage, a swimming pool brawl while a drunk Cameron Mitchell barbecues, etc.) to break the routine. The ending is pure cheese that almost derails the whole thing, but a gory money shot near the end concludes the revenge quest on a mini-high. This is your typical 2-to-3 star action movie that during Junesploitation! walks out with 3.85 UNCOOKED BURGER PATTIES AT CAMERON MITCHELL'S BACKYARD (out of five).
121.- THEY CALL ME MACHO WOMAN! (1989, VINEGAR SYNDROME BLU-RAY). Streaming on AMAZON PRIME, FAWESOME, PLEX.
The only reason I own this on VS BD is that, during a flash sale at Brooklyn's Nitehawk Cinema last year, I needed a third movie to get a steep bundle discount on two others I really wanted. I chose "They Call Me Macho Woman!" just for the title, not knowing then that Patrick G. Donahue directed it and two Donahue siblings (Sean and Mike) appear in it. A commune of rural drug dealers looking to score a big deal in nearby Los Angeles are threatened when meek-looking Susan Morris (Debra Sweaney) drives near their compound as she's looking for a country home of her own. Led by brute, helmet-stabbing leader Mongo (Brian Oldfield), the gang terrorizes/apprehends Susan before she escapes, then the cycle repeats several times with Morris racking up a body count as she stabs, humiliates and outsmarts her tormentors. Susan eventually has had enough and, after cleaning up her clothes and a rusty ax (the f*uck?), brings the pain to her pursuers by taking the fight directly to their compound.
There's an overpowering stench of cheese from production factory Troma in every aspect of "TCMMW!," which explains why the filmmaking by Patrick G. feels so different (i.e. amateurish and at times much inferior) from what I've seen him deliver in "Kill Squad" and "Parole Violators." It's as if Patrick lobotomized himself and then re-learned how to direct from the David A. Prior school of 'offscreen life doesn't exist outside the character's narrow POV' action. Characters left behind teleport where a just-arriving car has parked. A sound guy holding a shotgun mike is visible on the right-third of a scene for what feels like minutes. Rather than strikes against it, though, these amateur hour flaws combined with some hilarious action concepts (Susan running over the heads of Mongo's men, a car full of teenage r@pists dispatched by unseen goons, forest booby traps Morris sets up without knowing she'd even be there, etc.), enhance the 'so bad it's good' vibe of the flick. Sean P. and Mike are decent henchmen who also perform their own stunts, but it's Brian Oldfield's Mongo that steals the show. Even more than the Macho Woman herself, when Mongo pulls off the spiked helmet its showtime. A bad movie by any measure, but a solid 3.65 TROPICAL TARANTULAS/SNAKES IN THE MIDDLE OF RURAL CALIFORNIA (out of five) Junesploitation! pick. π€ π
Enough, zillagord! Stop controlling my Junesploitation! picks as if you were Ratatouille grabbing my hair to make me watch more Sean Donahue flicks! ππ
A more appropriate title for this Sean P. Donahue action vehicle should have been 'The Medallion,' because in "Blood Hands" it really is the McGuffin that holds it all together. A kickboxing superstar (Ned Hourani) and his three-man entourage go on a beer run while intoxicated. They murder a supermarket clerk, then murder a middle-aged couple that was kind enough to let them into their home when their car stalled. Those were the parents of Steve Callahan (Sean P. Donahue), a rising kickboxing champ. The medallion one of the thugs wore and accidentally left at the scene of the crime eventually leads Steve to the quartet, who kill even more people with impunity (a detective, Callahan's trainer, etc.) and kidnap his girl to keep their crime spree secret. And just as in "Fighting Spirit," Sean has his ass kicked by the bad guys before getting a training montage from which he emerges a revenge-fueled, ass-kicking machine. The version of "BH" streaming on YouTube has an audio mix with stolen music cues overpowering the dialogue. On any other month that would be a strike against it, but for June the bad sound mix actually enhances the grindhouse vibes. Not as crazy as "Fighting Spirit," "BH" still delivers a good time if you can tolerate the simplistic everything and one-dimensional everybody. 3.15 BULLIED SONS OF BAD GUYS QUITTING KICKBOXING AS IF THEY WERE 'COMING OUT' TO DAD (out of five).
My apologies for being an egregious influence, J.M.! I don't pretend many of my picks are quality films by mainstream measurements or socially acceptable standards. I'm looking for a good time outta my exploitation cinema! The Donahues have provided a lot of laughter, thrills, and many WTF moments for me, and I definitely appreciate that. I also appreciate that you went with these 3 flicks today and recognized the joy found within these flawed but fun flicks!
Raimi’s first Super 8 feature made with Scott Spiegel during summer break at Michigan State University for about $2,000. I imagine most of the budget was spent on the tanker truck set piece. And it’s kinda amazing to think that kids in the ‘70s could film a stunt sequence that would send anyone to jail in the 2020s, regardless of whether anyone was hurt or not. And of course, Bruce and Ted are along for the ride. Not great, but the ending is pure Raimi.
Is it great? No. Is it even good? Not really. But it is a bit of a guilty pleasure even if whenever I hear Mark Wahlberg speak I just hear Andy Samberg talking to animals.
We are entering the final stretch of Junesploitation now. It always goes by so fast, and half of the year is gone already.
Today is an unintended v-o-y-e-u-r-i-s-t-i-c double feature. It is a weekend of pet sitting, so I am watching what I come across on Roku.
VERA AND THE PLEASURE OF OTHERS (2023, dir. Romina Tamburello and Federico Actis)
Argentinian coming-of-age dramas are generally not what I watch for Junesploitaiton. This story does have some exploitation elements which, though not quite treated in a exploitative manner, function in the same way. It easily works as a s-e-x-p-l-o-i-t-a-t-i-o-n film, though with some serious drama added in. Vera is a curious teenager with v-o-y-e-u-r-i-s-t-i-c tendencies. Having her mom as an apartment rental agent gives Vera the idea to rent one out to teenage couples seeking some privacy for a couple of hours, a situation that leads to her own intimate experimentation. The focus of the film is on interpersonal relationships at many levels, with the s-e-x being a part of them.
MOTEL (2015, dir. Lee Soong-hwan)
I stumbled onto this film that has one review on Letterboxd. One. I tend to agree with that review in that it the film is “fine”, not great nor bad. The story revolves around the owners of a small motel in the South Korean countryside. The husband is a little off in his behavior, obsessing over his wife’s lengthy disappearances and enjoying spying on the guests with a close-circuit camera system. A young lady who checks in notices his odd behavior and begins to observe his activities around the hotel. Things do get a little sleazy. Everything about the film is modest, and the actors do a decent job with the material they are given.
My third bite of sexy vampire ladies of the 70s this month.
Another Hammer joint, and another fun encounter with the relentless Karnstein family. This time our lovely bloodsucker Carmilla is resurrected by a discount Christopher Lee and joins a secluded boarding school for attractive girls where there's plenty of opportunity for sex and murder. Soon enough, people start disappearing, and what makes matters worse is that the headmistress is determined to keep it under wraps and avoid a scandal. As for the sexy stuff, it feels like they tested the waters in Vampire Lovers and really ran with it here. And thank goodness they did. I'm really having a lot of fun with these lurid vampire jams.
So many bare bosoms. From what I remember watching this a couple years, the gothic vibe is shakier than previous films. The end for the studio was not far away.
It's not very good but has a few cool moments. Nowhere near as good as the infamous "Christian Bale Rant" it spawned. But hey, it's a masterpiece when compared with Terminator: Genisys (putrid) and Terminator: Dark Fate (an actual crime).
Sploitation Genre(s): Revenge. Survival. F@#$ed Up Families. Horror/Comedy
Ready or Not 2: Here I Come (2026)
(Editors Note: I typically focus on 70s/80s flicks for Junesploitation as i like a bit of older/obscure/cult twist on my picks. But sploitation is timeless and you can find it across the decades of cinema.)
One of the new reigning horror leads, Samara Weaving, returns in a sequel to the absolutely great Ready or Not. This flick literally starts where the last flick left off and quickly places her within a different f@#$ed up family fighting for her life. In this case she's teamed up with an estranged sister. The new family is filled with quirky characters and the balance of horror comedy is great. However the flick really almost feels like a remake of the first where we know the twists about the families, ahem, explosive superstitions. (What can i say, its fathers day, im allowed to make Dad Jokes). As is the case theres far less originality and it plays like a by the numbers horror movie. Still i did have some fun with it.
Dr. Kravaal (Boris Karloff), a pioneer in cryonics (though it wasn't called that in 1940), is treating a patient in a secluded lab, but the authorities think the frozen patient is dead and accuse the doctor of murder. Kravaal accidentally (kinda) freezes both himself and the officials investigating him. When they're revived after a decade, the monomaniacal doctor insists on finishing his experiment at any cost.
The premise is silly but it's played pleasingly straight. Karloff is the expert in playing slightly deranged scientists, a shame the other actors aren't at his level.
The Dungeonmaster (1984, dir. Peter Manoogian, David Allen, Steven Ford, Charles Band, John Carl Buechler, Ted Nicolaou & Rosemarie Turko)
The different segments include fun set designs, stop motion monsters, cave troll puppets, 2D animation, zombie makeup, Mad Max rejects, a W.A.S.P. concert, and a frozen Albert Einstein. So there's quite a bit of imagination and variety in the challenges, but unfortunately that's not true of the way our hero defeats them: he just has a gadged that solves any problem almost instantly, usually by shooting a laser beam. The movie's most important legacy is probably the phrase "I reject your reality and substitute my own".
In an unspecified "ancient" time and land, a king makes a pact with a demon: his army will become invincible and the demon gets his firstborn. After years of conquest and prosperity, as the kingdom prepares for a gladiatorial tournament, the daughter the demon took returns, but is it really her?
The acting is like from a bad soap opera. Come to think of it, so are the script, the sound design, and the sets. There's so much padding, it feels like they really struggled to get to 85 minutes. The gladiator fights are annoyingly directed, presumably in an effort to hide the inept performances, and the CGI blood is ridiculous. The most impressive shot is the one where they managed to get 20 extras on set all at once, and the one castle they got permission to film at is a fine location.
A chore to get through and only very occasionally funny in its awkwardness, but the actor playing the king trying to convey normal human emotions is one of the funniest things I've seen this month. Oh, and the magical glasses made out of a spatula were also very funny.
Scarlet Warning 666 a.k.a. It Happened One Weekend a.k.a. Love Is Deep Inside (1974, dir. Palmer Rockey)
This was advertised as a confusing mess of a vanity project, but I was not prepared for the levels of WTF I felt every single minute of this movie's runtime.
There are fragments of a narrative here about a private detective (played by writer-director-producer-cinematographer-editor-composer Palmer Rockey, sometimes with a mustache and sometimes without), looking for his twin brother Jack, who's mixed up with a demonic cult or something. But the so-called plot is buried under endless exposition scenes talking about people who aren't in the movie, bizarre non-sequiturs, Rockey performing rituals in a garden or dancing to his own songs, cutaways to surreal scenes taking place in an empty void, a lot of pretty young women in and out of skimpy outfits, extensive make out scenes, Rockey playing at least three different characters who are indistinguishable from each other, and an omnipresent narrator who alternately narrates the plot, recites beat poetry, has conversations with a higher-pitched version of himself, and breaks the fourth wall (and not just talking about the plot, but commenting about filmmaking techniques). I don't know this movie's history, but I have to assume this was cobbled together from disparate plot strands and impressionistic scenes filmed over a long period of time and with an ever-changing cast, and the narrator was added in a desperate attempt to tie it all together (it doesn't tie together even a little bit).
This movie is insane and it's entirely possible that so am I after watching it. I don't know whether Palmer Rockey is a genius or a madman, but he's definitely at least one of those things.
Shogun Assassin (1980, dir. Kenji Misumi and/or Robert Houston)
In Edo period Japan, disgraced former shΕgun's executioner Ogami IttΕ becomes a wandering sword-for-hire while he seeks revenge on those who killed his wife, pushing his 3-year-old son in a self-built carriage wherever he goes.
An American re-cut of the Japanese Lone Wolf and Cub movie series, this is cut together from the first two movies in the series, dubbed in English and added voiceover narration and a new soundtrack. The story's still compelling, the action thrilling and TomisaburΕ Wakayama awesome as the lead, but the slightly goofy English dub and the narrator definitely diminish its effectiveness. I do dig the new synth score, though. Regardless, to anyone interested I'd recommend checking out the LW&C movies rather than this if at all possible.
I watched this solely based on the recommendation of Mashke and others two days ago. I had never heard of this film, but I am a HUGE fan of I'm Gonna Get You Sucka, and they preferred this film, so I was interested. All I can say is: thank you, gentlemen. This was amazing. I'm Gonna Get You Sucka is a comedy about blaxploitation movies. This, on the other hand, could pass as a blaxploitation movie that also happens to be very, very funny. The theme song, the out of focus shots, the graphics font, the split screens, visible boom mics, etc. It's played straight rather than punching up the laughs. And, Michael Jai White is absolute perfection in the lead role.
--'My Mamma says my daddy's name is Black Dynamite. --Second girl: 'Yeah, mine too.' --Black Dynamite: 'Well... a lot of cats use that name.' tππ€£
You guys are making me wanna watch this right now! π
Diana (Christine Prosperi) inherits her aunt’s house after the aunt in question dies in a fall down the stairs (“but she always held on to the banister!” is an actual sentence uttered in earnest in this movie, bless its heart). Was it an accident or was it (cue dramatic sting) murrrrrrderrrrr? I mean…you saw the title, right?
Investigating (a strong word, that) her aunt’s death leads Diana into the dark and twisted underworld of Christmas tchotchkes and the people who buy, sell, and trade the saccharine little trinkets. She crosses paths with a sexy old flame (it is a Lifetime movie, after all) and a less sexy Eric Roberts (it is a Lifetime movie, after all), and it’s all very dumb and predictable. The worst part is that her father is in one scene and has only one line and is played by Junesploitation mainstay Dean Cameron. Wherefore art thou, Dean? Go back to Ski School. Please.
Timothy Van Patten (Pauli) and Jimmy McNichol (Danny) head down to Rosa’s Cantina in Mexico and cause trouble scamming for girls. Pauli gets imprisoned and it’s up to Danny and his gang of friends (including pro skateboarders Mike McGill and Steve Caballero) to bust Pauli out. It’s Midnight Express for teens. Cheesy but fun.
The Visitor (1979): I think I should've taken some substances before putting the disc in. I didn't hate it, but I'm not sure I got everything that happened. I'm a sucker for 70s sci-fi aesthetic, so that helped. According to the interviews on the disc, the director didn't seem to know what he was doing, or even what he wanted. I also like to think it's part of a shared universe with The Birds. It also turned into a 'spot the cameo' game, pointing at the tv like Leonardo in that meme. And it actually would've been a good selection for Franco Nero day, but I was busy anyway.
And then, this being the longest day of the year, I watched both The Longest Yard. The original, obviously, is a classic and an actual good movie. I think the remake is one of the good Sandler movies. And as much as I hate legacy-sequels, they wasted a golden opportunity to make one here, but they were not a thing in 2005, so they just got Burt Reynolds do some old-timey-mentor.
I'll never pass a chance to get a new Arrow 4k. Also, I was getting it before you recommended it because I saw it on a list somewhere and got curious, so it's not your fault. But also, I didn't hate it. It's an extra weird movie that's not for everybody, but after a few minutes i got into the vibe and enjoyed it.
WILD ORCHID (1989) An up-and-coming female lawyer is sent to South America to work with a super-rich businessman. And, just like that, our steamy romance is off and steaming! A lot of commenters are calling this the original 50 Shades, and I can see that. It’s about a mega-rich man introducing an innocent and withdrawn young woman to a new world of forbidden pleasures. But this is prestige sleaze, as director Zalman King films it all with slick ‘80s music video glossiness. (Did he wear his red shoes on set?) It’s weird to see Mickey Roarke as a romantic lead rather than in Marv/Wrestler mode, while Carrie Otis looks gorgeous but is wooden as our repressed heroine. Still, this was interesting enough to keep me invested. It’s a mixed bag, but a spicy one.
30 days of fan films, day 21: THE SCATTERING: A DUNE STORY (2023) We begin with a lore dump about the pre-history of the Dune universe, and then we get into plots and schemes among the Bene Gesserit. I was a little lost as to what was happening and who was fighting who, but that’s Dune for you. Director Justin Pearson seems more at home with the budget CGI than he does the live action. The big scenic vistas are where the movie really shines. If you’re going to watch this one, do it more for the vibes than for the story.
Unrated "Wild Orchid" or R-rated? The latter is really butchered by the MPAA, but the former is allowed to breathe and its rather sexy... when Otis if focused on instead of Rourke. π
Aired on February 13, 1982, this 90-minute bizarro sketch comedy pilot was co-executive produced by Steve Martin. NBC was trying to figure out what to do to relieve the pressure on Saturday Night Live‘s grueling production schedule, so they preempted SNL for a week to give Steve’s brain-child a test drive. What we got was a head-on collision between old-school variety show cheese and the new-wave, cocaine-fueled, anarchic comedy of the early 80s.
The framing device is honestly the best part. It plays like a parody of Masterpiece Theatre, celebrating the show’s 25th season. The legendary Roddy McDowall hosts from a plush wingback chair, wearing a tuxedo and cape, seated beneath oil portraits of the cast members (women included), all in formal wear, holding pipes. It sets you up for some high-concept satire. Instead, you get greeted by a black guy in drag humming the theme from Gone With the Wind and then things get really weird.
Like any pilot, this thing throws everything at the wall to see what sticks. Some of it is pure late-night genius; some of it makes you wonder if the writers’ room was just a pile of loose scripts and paranoia.
Playhouse Minus-One: This is the absolute crown jewel of the special. It’s a Civil War melodrama where the camera is the main character, a Southern belle named Mary Lou. You play Mary Lou, and your dialogue flashes on the screen with stage directions, and actors like George Peppard, Michael York and Steve Martin wait patiently for you to deliver your lines at home. It culminates in Steve Martin aggressively making out with the camera lens. Auto Interruptus: Steve Martin plays a guy driving a carpool of three dudes to work. He turns on a radio talk show only to hear his own wife blabbing to the host about his terrible sexual performance. The punchline? She’s sleeping with all three guys in his carpool. It’s a dark, cynical take on the mockery of 80s machismo. Women Who Have Made It With Me: Martin Mull hosts a talk show where he interviews three of his ex-lovers, only for them to systematically dissect how completely unmemorable he was in bed. The No-Arms Bandits: Martin Mull plays a bank robber with no arms. He holds up a couple with a gun in his mouth, but the victims can’t understand his muffled orders, and he steals their wallets out of their pockets using his teeth. Party in My Pants: A literal interpretation of the phrase in a song written by Robert Haimer and Billy Mumy, better known as Barnes & Barnes. You watch well-dressed people shrink down and disappear into the giant pant cuff of a derelict’s trousers to dance to disco music. It’s a classic Steve Martin concept—absurd merely for the sake of being absurd. Plus, you get Harry Anderson (right before Night Court fame) playing an overage grade-school pervert and a hidden-camera sketch where Steve Martin tries to romance a girl using a series of terrible visual puns (she asks for flowers, he brings her cooking flour; she tells him to “stuff it,” so he slam-dunks a basketball in his bedroom).
Heading out tonight to Portland’s premiere indy cinema, The Hollywood Theater, to witness this infamous, sickening spectacle! This found footage forerunner is being presented by Grindhouse Releasing in a newly restored, vomit-inducing 4K version, promising even greater grisliness to its carnivorous carnage! It’ll be my first viewing of CH, and frankly, I’m on the anxious side, but I’m willing to put my nerves (and gastro-intestinal system) at risk for my Junesploitation! crew! I do expect to be repulsed, and for concession sales to be sparse. I’ll report back if I survive….
Riz Ortolani's music for "CH" is one for the ages. It elevates a movie that's already working on all cylinders, and transforms it into a spiritual experience. How many scores can do that? Not a movie I want to see often (last time for me was several years ago, and I own the damn thing on DVD), but mad respects for what it set out to do and accomplished. ππ€¨
These are all re-watches for me, but we wanted to do a marathon today!
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
Such a fun time. Great to look at, excellent score, and iconic moments! Sometimes I forget the ride came first and they made a movie about it.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)
I remember going to an early screening of this and losing my mind at the end. I still can't believe how good the CGI looks. Some of the action scenes, like the one with the mill wheel and the three fighters sharing two swords are some of my favorites.
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Probably my least favorite of the three I watched today, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it immensely. I'm not a huge fan of Pirates 4 or 5, so for my head cannon, the films stop here. Also ignoring the post credits scene here because I have strong negative feelings about it.
Adventure movies are one of my favorite genres, and the films that lean into the fun are going to play well for me. A great day of watching movies!
Junesploitation roll call: Dick Miller, Roger Corman, PJ Soles, Dean Cundey, Clint Howard, Paul Bartel, Mary Wuronov, Joe Dante and on and on and on. When the credits rolled on the “giant mouse costume” my kid, unprompted, said “Thanks Rob Bottin” I swooned.
I've been wanting to see The Furious in theaters since reading J.M.'s review of it earlier this month, but it's only been getting the latest showtimes at my local theater, and I'm bad at staying up/out late. Instead, I ended up seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark (great, duh) and Toy Story 5 (my least favorite entry, but still pretty good) at the theater today.
In Junesploitation news...
Ghost Rider (2007)
Johnny Blaze sells his soul to the devil to cure Papa Blaze's cancer, which the devil does, but then immediately kills Papa Blaze in a motorcycle crash (the devil: not the most fair dealmaker). Years later, the devil takes his repayment by turning Johnny into a "Ghost Rider" with a flaming skeleton head who has to spend every night cruising the streets on a flaming motorcycle until he achieves his ultimate mission of... killing the devil's son, I think?
I didn't track the plot all that well, and despite the wild premise, the story actually feels sort of flat. There's not much complication or escalation. Once he becomes the Ghost Rider, he sort of just fights one bad guy, then fights another bad guy, then fights another bad guy until he's fighting the main bad guy (who wants to get his hands on a contract from a hundred years ago that'll get him a bunch of souls or something... also not entirely clear to me).
It wasn't my favorite, but it was fun enough, with some good bits. The CGI is surprisingly good. The double Ghost Rider sequence looks really cool (although it amounts to absolutely nothing). Nic Cage is fully committed, and elevates a bad role into something mildly interesting. Peter Fonda is pretty awesome as the devil.
Turkey Shoot (1982)
I saw and loved The Man from Hong Kong during a previous Juneploitation, so when Zillagord posted yesterday about another movie from the same director (Brian Trenchard-Smith, not a K-Pop group), I had to put this on my list.
It's a really fun humans hunting humans flick. The villains are set up well in the opening, all very hate-able, and each with their own distinct character flavor. When the action arrives, it's very violent with some pretty gnarly gore effects. It's not quite the best movie I've seen this Junesploitation, but it feels like maybe the best Junesploitation movie so far, if that makes sense?
For most of the movie, I couldn't figure out what else I recognized Olivia Hussey from. It was the It TV miniseries.
Shame about "The Furious," but it'll eventually stream or be available on home video. "Ghost Rider" and "Turkey Shoot" ain't a bad replacement 'B' movie double bill. π
Your evaluation of TURKEY SHOOT makes perfect sense to me-- there's movies, and then there's exploitation movies! They operate on a different level. Happy you enjoyed this one!
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BONUS: 30 DAYS OF PINK PANTHER & FRIENDS, DAY 21!
ReplyDelete119.- THE TRAIL OF THE PINK PANTHER (1982, DVD). Also streaming on AMAZON PRIME, TUBI, PLUTO, ROKU TV, YOUTUBE.
And this is the part where I come in. π
In 1982 I was a nine-year-old Salvadorean kid that loved watching the daily "Pink Panther" cartoon shorts on local TV. I did my own drawings trying to mimic the animated show's style, unsuccessfully. Then TV/newspaper ads for this "Trail of the Pink Panther" movie showed up. A Sunday newspaper article detailed that "Trail..." was the latest in a long line of 'PP' movies being made without its original star, some guy named Peter Sellers, who had passed away from a heart attack in 1980. π₯Ίπ I was confused, but the idea of any kind of 'Pink Panther' movie (cartoon or not) sounded exciting to me. So the family chose an uncle to take me to see it (thanks, Mom! π). And even though I didn't understand a narrative/plot that I was coming to in the middle of (stolen Pink Panther diamond? Lugash? Some lunatic, eye-twitching boss named Dreyfus?), the animated opening and the ending compilation of Clouseau highlights from the entire series (something that impressed a kid that didn't know VCR's existed) sent me over the moon. It'd take years for me to eventually watch all the movies in chronological order. It remains my favorite comedy series of all time, even though the fandom started with a sixth sequel that's problematic at best, a complete disaster at worst. π«€
Armed with outtakes/scenes from previous 'Panther' movies except "Inspector Clouseau" (no Peter Sellers footage to pillage from that one) plus numerous deleted scenes from "... Strikes Again" (which are actually a highlight since they're from the best sequel in the series, IMHO), Blake Edwards cobbles together about 35-40 minutes of Ins. Clouseau and Chief Dreyfus (Herbert Lom) bickering as the Pink Panther diamond is stolen for a third time. This opening third has the funniest gags/best jokes, especially the 'message' hotel receptionist and telephone pull.π Then Clouseau's Lugash-bound plane goes missing and he's presumed dead (aka, Edwards ran out of usable deleted Sellers footage), with French journalist Marie Jouvet (Joana Lumley, aka Patsy in TV's "Absolutely Fabulous") taking over as lead. She interviews people from Clouseau's past like David Niven (dubbed by impersonator Rich Little due to Niven's failing health), Capucine, Robert Loggia (who apparently replaced Douvier as French crime boss after "Revenge of...") and Burt Kwouk, whose Cato for some reason still lives in Clouseau's empty apartment and attacks Jouvet when she drops by unannounced. Except for a small role by freaking Denise Crosby as Loggia's swimming pool squeeze, the middle act of "Trail..." is laugh-free and painful to sit through.
Things pick up toward the end when Marie interviews Clouseau's elderly father ("Empty Nest's" Richard Mulligan), who is just as big a klutz as his son. Flashbacks to Clouseau's youth as a kid, teenager and WWII Resistance fighter showcase some mildly amusing urinary and big explosion jokes, but by then it's too late. Whether he meant to pay tribute to the greatness of Peter Sellers' comedic chops or simply wanted to keep the 'Panther' series going for his own amusement, Blake Edwards epically shat the bed and delivered a clip show glued together by supporting and day players that are no substitute for the star at the heart of the franchise. It'll always have a place in my heart as my entry point to the series, but even I have to say 'Merde' here as much as the Clouseau character does in the actual movie.
ANIMATED INTRO OPENING: 4 PAC-MAN REMOTE JOYSTICKS (out of five). The 2nd Marvel Animation opening is more creative than the one in "Revenge..." 4 years prior, helped immensely by Henry Mancini trying to elevate the material with some fun musical variations of the 'Panther' theme. It's one of the best parts of an otherwise dreadful sequel, I'm afraid. π
MOVIE RATING: 2.35 TOPLESS GIRLS SQUEEZING GRAPES... 80's 'PG' RULEZ! (out of five).
'IT'S ALL IN THE [DONAHUE STUNT] FAMILY' TRIFECTA!
ReplyDelete120.- KILL SQUAD (1981, PLEX)
I was saving this trilogy for 'Exploitation Auteurs!' day, but f*ck it. There's plenty more fish where the Donahue clan came from. π An early Patrick G. Donahue joint (so early that Sean P. only appears in one slow-motion scene as a young kid ramming his bike against a car), "Kill Squad" still has the 70's exploitation vibes ('woosh' sound effects, funky music score, dated fashions and haircuts, etc.) circulating through its early 80's veins. Vietnam veteran and businessman Joe Lawrence (Jeff Risk in his only movie role ever) is left paralyzed and wheelchair-bound after Cameron Mitchell's men (with Cameron himself on location) break into his house and r@pe/murder his wife. Months later and with the assistance of his former No. 2 man Larry (Jean GlaudΓ©, sporting one sweet afro), the 'Kill Squad' of Vietnam survivors is assembled one member at a time (the conman, a pimp, the hulking cheater, a bodyguard, the businessman, etc.) so then, when introduced to Joe in person, they can showcase their martial arts skills directly toward the camera. This being a movie made by stuntmen for stuntmen, there's an epic kung-fu brawl every few minutes, sometimes one on top of another, as the 'Kill Squad' (two/three soldiers at a time) goes about trying to find a trace of Cameron Mitchell's whereabouts. But an unknown sniper starts sharpshooting our heroes one at a time from long distances, heightening the stakes for what should be an epic finale... right? ππ«€
"Kill Squad" at least realizes early on it has too many fight scenes, so Donahue throws in some variations (a car pile-up that yields an even bigger wreckage, a swimming pool brawl while a drunk Cameron Mitchell barbecues, etc.) to break the routine. The ending is pure cheese that almost derails the whole thing, but a gory money shot near the end concludes the revenge quest on a mini-high. This is your typical 2-to-3 star action movie that during Junesploitation! walks out with 3.85 UNCOOKED BURGER PATTIES AT CAMERON MITCHELL'S BACKYARD (out of five).
121.- THEY CALL ME MACHO WOMAN! (1989, VINEGAR SYNDROME BLU-RAY). Streaming on AMAZON PRIME, FAWESOME, PLEX.
ReplyDeleteThe only reason I own this on VS BD is that, during a flash sale at Brooklyn's Nitehawk Cinema last year, I needed a third movie to get a steep bundle discount on two others I really wanted. I chose "They Call Me Macho Woman!" just for the title, not knowing then that Patrick G. Donahue directed it and two Donahue siblings (Sean and Mike) appear in it. A commune of rural drug dealers looking to score a big deal in nearby Los Angeles are threatened when meek-looking Susan Morris (Debra Sweaney) drives near their compound as she's looking for a country home of her own. Led by brute, helmet-stabbing leader Mongo (Brian Oldfield), the gang terrorizes/apprehends Susan before she escapes, then the cycle repeats several times with Morris racking up a body count as she stabs, humiliates and outsmarts her tormentors. Susan eventually has had enough and, after cleaning up her clothes and a rusty ax (the f*uck?), brings the pain to her pursuers by taking the fight directly to their compound.
There's an overpowering stench of cheese from production factory Troma in every aspect of "TCMMW!," which explains why the filmmaking by Patrick G. feels so different (i.e. amateurish and at times much inferior) from what I've seen him deliver in "Kill Squad" and "Parole Violators." It's as if Patrick lobotomized himself and then re-learned how to direct from the David A. Prior school of 'offscreen life doesn't exist outside the character's narrow POV' action. Characters left behind teleport where a just-arriving car has parked. A sound guy holding a shotgun mike is visible on the right-third of a scene for what feels like minutes. Rather than strikes against it, though, these amateur hour flaws combined with some hilarious action concepts (Susan running over the heads of Mongo's men, a car full of teenage r@pists dispatched by unseen goons, forest booby traps Morris sets up without knowing she'd even be there, etc.), enhance the 'so bad it's good' vibe of the flick. Sean P. and Mike are decent henchmen who also perform their own stunts, but it's Brian Oldfield's Mongo that steals the show. Even more than the Macho Woman herself, when Mongo pulls off the spiked helmet its showtime. A bad movie by any measure, but a solid 3.65 TROPICAL TARANTULAS/SNAKES IN THE MIDDLE OF RURAL CALIFORNIA (out of five) Junesploitation! pick. π€ π
122.- BLOOD HANDS (PHILIPPINES, 1990, YOUTUBE)
ReplyDeleteEnough, zillagord! Stop controlling my Junesploitation! picks as if you were Ratatouille grabbing my hair to make me watch more Sean Donahue flicks! ππ
A more appropriate title for this Sean P. Donahue action vehicle should have been 'The Medallion,' because in "Blood Hands" it really is the McGuffin that holds it all together. A kickboxing superstar (Ned Hourani) and his three-man entourage go on a beer run while intoxicated. They murder a supermarket clerk, then murder a middle-aged couple that was kind enough to let them into their home when their car stalled. Those were the parents of Steve Callahan (Sean P. Donahue), a rising kickboxing champ. The medallion one of the thugs wore and accidentally left at the scene of the crime eventually leads Steve to the quartet, who kill even more people with impunity (a detective, Callahan's trainer, etc.) and kidnap his girl to keep their crime spree secret. And just as in "Fighting Spirit," Sean has his ass kicked by the bad guys before getting a training montage from which he emerges a revenge-fueled, ass-kicking machine. The version of "BH" streaming on YouTube has an audio mix with stolen music cues overpowering the dialogue. On any other month that would be a strike against it, but for June the bad sound mix actually enhances the grindhouse vibes. Not as crazy as "Fighting Spirit," "BH" still delivers a good time if you can tolerate the simplistic everything and one-dimensional everybody. 3.15 BULLIED SONS OF BAD GUYS QUITTING KICKBOXING AS IF THEY WERE 'COMING OUT' TO DAD (out of five).
My apologies for being an egregious influence, J.M.! I don't pretend many of my picks are quality films by mainstream measurements or socially acceptable standards. I'm looking for a good time outta my exploitation cinema! The Donahues have provided a lot of laughter, thrills, and many WTF moments for me, and I definitely appreciate that. I also appreciate that you went with these 3 flicks today and recognized the joy found within these flawed but fun flicks!
DeleteI already had a Donahue twofer in mind, then you guilt-tripped me into having a three... some with Sean. π« π
Delete#JUneSPLOItaTION Day 21: Free Space!
ReplyDeleteIT’S MURDER! (1978) dir. Sam Raimi
Raimi’s first Super 8 feature made with Scott Spiegel during summer break at Michigan State University for about $2,000. I imagine most of the budget was spent on the tanker truck set piece. And it’s kinda amazing to think that kids in the ‘70s could film a stunt sequence that would send anyone to jail in the 2020s, regardless of whether anyone was hurt or not. And of course, Bruce and Ted are along for the ride. Not great, but the ending is pure Raimi.
The Italian Job (2003) dir. F. Gary Gray
ReplyDeleteIs it great? No. Is it even good? Not really. But it is a bit of a guilty pleasure even if whenever I hear Mark Wahlberg speak I just hear Andy Samberg talking to animals.
Say hello to your muthah for me
DeleteWe are entering the final stretch of Junesploitation now. It always goes by so fast, and half of the year is gone already.
ReplyDeleteToday is an unintended v-o-y-e-u-r-i-s-t-i-c double feature. It is a weekend of pet sitting, so I am watching what I come across on Roku.
VERA AND THE PLEASURE OF OTHERS (2023, dir. Romina Tamburello and Federico Actis)
Argentinian coming-of-age dramas are generally not what I watch for Junesploitaiton. This story does have some exploitation elements which, though not quite treated in a exploitative manner, function in the same way. It easily works as a s-e-x-p-l-o-i-t-a-t-i-o-n film, though with some serious drama added in. Vera is a curious teenager with v-o-y-e-u-r-i-s-t-i-c tendencies. Having her mom as an apartment rental agent gives Vera the idea to rent one out to teenage couples seeking some privacy for a couple of hours, a situation that leads to her own intimate experimentation. The focus of the film is on interpersonal relationships at many levels, with the s-e-x being a part of them.
MOTEL (2015, dir. Lee Soong-hwan)
I stumbled onto this film that has one review on Letterboxd. One. I tend to agree with that review in that it the film is “fine”, not great nor bad. The story revolves around the owners of a small motel in the South Korean countryside. The husband is a little off in his behavior, obsessing over his wife’s lengthy disappearances and enjoying spying on the guests with a close-circuit camera system. A young lady who checks in notices his odd behavior and begins to observe his activities around the hotel. Things do get a little sleazy. Everything about the film is modest, and the actors do a decent job with the material they are given.
Lust for a Vampire (1971)
ReplyDeleteMy third bite of sexy vampire ladies of the 70s this month.
Another Hammer joint, and another fun encounter with the relentless Karnstein family. This time our lovely bloodsucker Carmilla is resurrected by a discount Christopher Lee and joins a secluded boarding school for attractive girls where there's plenty of opportunity for sex and murder. Soon enough, people start disappearing, and what makes matters worse is that the headmistress is determined to keep it under wraps and avoid a scandal. As for the sexy stuff, it feels like they tested the waters in Vampire Lovers and really ran with it here. And thank goodness they did. I'm really having a lot of fun with these lurid vampire jams.
So many bare bosoms. From what I remember watching this a couple years, the gothic vibe is shakier than previous films. The end for the studio was not far away.
DeleteTerminator: Salvation (2009, dir. McG)
ReplyDeleteIt's not very good but has a few cool moments. Nowhere near as good as the infamous "Christian Bale Rant" it spawned. But hey, it's a masterpiece when compared with Terminator: Genisys (putrid) and Terminator: Dark Fate (an actual crime).
Sploitation Genre(s): Revenge. Survival. F@#$ed Up Families. Horror/Comedy
ReplyDeleteReady or Not 2: Here I Come (2026)
(Editors Note: I typically focus on 70s/80s flicks for Junesploitation as i like a bit of older/obscure/cult twist on my picks. But sploitation is timeless and you can find it across the decades of cinema.)
One of the new reigning horror leads, Samara Weaving, returns in a sequel to the absolutely great Ready or Not. This flick literally starts where the last flick left off and quickly places her within a different f@#$ed up family fighting for her life. In this case she's teamed up with an estranged sister. The new family is filled with quirky characters and the balance of horror comedy is great. However the flick really almost feels like a remake of the first where we know the twists about the families, ahem, explosive superstitions. (What can i say, its fathers day, im allowed to make Dad Jokes). As is the case theres far less originality and it plays like a by the numbers horror movie. Still i did have some fun with it.
The Man with Nine Lives (1940, dir. Nick GrindΓ©)
ReplyDeleteDr. Kravaal (Boris Karloff), a pioneer in cryonics (though it wasn't called that in 1940), is treating a patient in a secluded lab, but the authorities think the frozen patient is dead and accuse the doctor of murder. Kravaal accidentally (kinda) freezes both himself and the officials investigating him. When they're revived after a decade, the monomaniacal doctor insists on finishing his experiment at any cost.
The premise is silly but it's played pleasingly straight. Karloff is the expert in playing slightly deranged scientists, a shame the other actors aren't at his level.
The Dungeonmaster (1984, dir. Peter Manoogian, David Allen, Steven Ford, Charles Band, John Carl Buechler, Ted Nicolaou & Rosemarie Turko)
A computer whiz (that's what they were called in the 80's, right?) is challenged to seven deadly trials by an evil wizard, because his technological knowhow makes him a worthy opponent. Cue seven challenges (each made by a different writer-director) he must overcome to save the souls of not only himself but his kidnapped fiancΓ© too.
The different segments include fun set designs, stop motion monsters, cave troll puppets, 2D animation, zombie makeup, Mad Max rejects, a W.A.S.P. concert, and a frozen Albert Einstein. So there's quite a bit of imagination and variety in the challenges, but unfortunately that's not true of the way our hero defeats them: he just has a gadged that solves any problem almost instantly, usually by shooting a laser beam. The movie's most important legacy is probably the phrase "I reject your reality and substitute my own".
Jeffrey Byron is not much of a leading man, but Richard Moll as the evil wizard/demon/whatever he is mugs for the camera enough for both of them. Leslie Wing as the fiancΓ© is relegated in every segment to either being chained up in various locations in various outfits or playing the damsel in distress.
Kingdom of Gladiators (2011, dir. Stefano Milla)
In an unspecified "ancient" time and land, a king makes a pact with a demon: his army will become invincible and the demon gets his firstborn. After years of conquest and prosperity, as the kingdom prepares for a gladiatorial tournament, the daughter the demon took returns, but is it really her?
The acting is like from a bad soap opera. Come to think of it, so are the script, the sound design, and the sets. There's so much padding, it feels like they really struggled to get to 85 minutes. The gladiator fights are annoyingly directed, presumably in an effort to hide the inept performances, and the CGI blood is ridiculous. The most impressive shot is the one where they managed to get 20 extras on set all at once, and the one castle they got permission to film at is a fine location.
A chore to get through and only very occasionally funny in its awkwardness, but the actor playing the king trying to convey normal human emotions is one of the funniest things I've seen this month. Oh, and the magical glasses made out of a spatula were also very funny.
Scarlet Warning 666 a.k.a. It Happened One Weekend a.k.a. Love Is Deep Inside (1974, dir. Palmer Rockey)
DeleteThis was advertised as a confusing mess of a vanity project, but I was not prepared for the levels of WTF I felt every single minute of this movie's runtime.
There are fragments of a narrative here about a private detective (played by writer-director-producer-cinematographer-editor-composer Palmer Rockey, sometimes with a mustache and sometimes without), looking for his twin brother Jack, who's mixed up with a demonic cult or something. But the so-called plot is buried under endless exposition scenes talking about people who aren't in the movie, bizarre non-sequiturs, Rockey performing rituals in a garden or dancing to his own songs, cutaways to surreal scenes taking place in an empty void, a lot of pretty young women in and out of skimpy outfits, extensive make out scenes, Rockey playing at least three different characters who are indistinguishable from each other, and an omnipresent narrator who alternately narrates the plot, recites beat poetry, has conversations with a higher-pitched version of himself, and breaks the fourth wall (and not just talking about the plot, but commenting about filmmaking techniques). I don't know this movie's history, but I have to assume this was cobbled together from disparate plot strands and impressionistic scenes filmed over a long period of time and with an ever-changing cast, and the narrator was added in a desperate attempt to tie it all together (it doesn't tie together even a little bit).
This movie is insane and it's entirely possible that so am I after watching it. I don't know whether Palmer Rockey is a genius or a madman, but he's definitely at least one of those things.
Shogun Assassin (1980, dir. Kenji Misumi and/or Robert Houston)
In Edo period Japan, disgraced former shΕgun's executioner Ogami IttΕ becomes a wandering sword-for-hire while he seeks revenge on those who killed his wife, pushing his 3-year-old son in a self-built carriage wherever he goes.
An American re-cut of the Japanese Lone Wolf and Cub movie series, this is cut together from the first two movies in the series, dubbed in English and added voiceover narration and a new soundtrack. The story's still compelling, the action thrilling and TomisaburΕ Wakayama awesome as the lead, but the slightly goofy English dub and the narrator definitely diminish its effectiveness. I do dig the new synth score, though. Regardless, to anyone interested I'd recommend checking out the LW&C movies rather than this if at all possible.
Seeing SW666 in theater next month! Stoked!
DeleteI'm a little jealous. Also slightly worried for you.
DeleteBlack Dynamite (2009)
ReplyDeleteI watched this solely based on the recommendation of Mashke and others two days ago. I had never heard of this film, but I am a HUGE fan of I'm Gonna Get You Sucka, and they preferred this film, so I was interested. All I can say is: thank you, gentlemen. This was amazing. I'm Gonna Get You Sucka is a comedy about blaxploitation movies. This, on the other hand, could pass as a blaxploitation movie that also happens to be very, very funny. The theme song, the out of focus shots, the graphics font, the split screens, visible boom mics, etc. It's played straight rather than punching up the laughs. And, Michael Jai White is absolute perfection in the lead role.
Now watch it again, and wonder in amazement as every "BD" rewatch gets better and better. π
Delete'The militant turns startled.' π€£
My Mamma says my daddy's name is Black Dynamite
DeleteThere is a spiritual sequel, "The Outlaw Johnny Black". Its a bit over long but still good too, just nowhere near BD's level.
Delete--'My Mamma says my daddy's name is Black Dynamite.
Delete--Second girl: 'Yeah, mine too.'
--Black Dynamite: 'Well... a lot of cats use that name.' tππ€£
You guys are making me wanna watch this right now! π
Mookie! So glad you dug Black Dynamite!!!!!! Its so joke packed that you will find new laughs every rewatch.
Delete"Ha! I threw that shit before i walked in the room!!!"
It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Murder
ReplyDeleteDiana (Christine Prosperi) inherits her aunt’s house after the aunt in question dies in a fall down the stairs (“but she always held on to the banister!” is an actual sentence uttered in earnest in this movie, bless its heart). Was it an accident or was it (cue dramatic sting) murrrrrrderrrrr? I mean…you saw the title, right?
Investigating (a strong word, that) her aunt’s death leads Diana into the dark and twisted underworld of Christmas tchotchkes and the people who buy, sell, and trade the saccharine little trinkets. She crosses paths with a sexy old flame (it is a Lifetime movie, after all) and a less sexy Eric Roberts (it is a Lifetime movie, after all), and it’s all very dumb and predictable. The worst part is that her father is in one scene and has only one line and is played by Junesploitation mainstay Dean Cameron. Wherefore art thou, Dean? Go back to Ski School. Please.
#JUneSPLOItaTION Day 21: Free Space!
ReplyDeleteESCAPE FROM EL DIABLO (1983) dir. Gordon Hessler
Timothy Van Patten (Pauli) and Jimmy McNichol (Danny) head down to Rosa’s Cantina in Mexico and cause trouble scamming for girls. Pauli gets imprisoned and it’s up to Danny and his gang of friends (including pro skateboarders Mike McGill and Steve Caballero) to bust Pauli out. It’s Midnight Express for teens. Cheesy but fun.
The Visitor (1979): I think I should've taken some substances before putting the disc in. I didn't hate it, but I'm not sure I got everything that happened. I'm a sucker for 70s sci-fi aesthetic, so that helped. According to the interviews on the disc, the director didn't seem to know what he was doing, or even what he wanted. I also like to think it's part of a shared universe with The Birds. It also turned into a 'spot the cameo' game, pointing at the tv like Leonardo in that meme. And it actually would've been a good selection for Franco Nero day, but I was busy anyway.
ReplyDeleteAnd then, this being the longest day of the year, I watched both The Longest Yard. The original, obviously, is a classic and an actual good movie. I think the remake is one of the good Sandler movies. And as much as I hate legacy-sequels, they wasted a golden opportunity to make one here, but they were not a thing in 2005, so they just got Burt Reynolds do some old-timey-mentor.
Sorry you didn't like my recommendation of "The Visitor," Kunider. π₯ΊYou should turn a blind eye to all my future recommendations... at least 'till July. π©π€
DeleteI'll never pass a chance to get a new Arrow 4k. Also, I was getting it before you recommended it because I saw it on a list somewhere and got curious, so it's not your fault. But also, I didn't hate it. It's an extra weird movie that's not for everybody, but after a few minutes i got into the vibe and enjoyed it.
DeleteWILD ORCHID (1989)
ReplyDeleteAn up-and-coming female lawyer is sent to South America to work with a super-rich businessman. And, just like that, our steamy romance is off and steaming! A lot of commenters are calling this the original 50 Shades, and I can see that. It’s about a mega-rich man introducing an innocent and withdrawn young woman to a new world of forbidden pleasures. But this is prestige sleaze, as director Zalman King films it all with slick ‘80s music video glossiness. (Did he wear his red shoes on set?) It’s weird to see Mickey Roarke as a romantic lead rather than in Marv/Wrestler mode, while Carrie Otis looks gorgeous but is wooden as our repressed heroine. Still, this was interesting enough to keep me invested. It’s a mixed bag, but a spicy one.
30 days of fan films, day 21: THE SCATTERING: A DUNE STORY (2023)
We begin with a lore dump about the pre-history of the Dune universe, and then we get into plots and schemes among the Bene Gesserit. I was a little lost as to what was happening and who was fighting who, but that’s Dune for you. Director Justin Pearson seems more at home with the budget CGI than he does the live action. The big scenic vistas are where the movie really shines. If you’re going to watch this one, do it more for the vibes than for the story.
Unrated "Wild Orchid" or R-rated? The latter is really butchered by the MPAA, but the former is allowed to breathe and its rather sexy... when Otis if focused on instead of Rourke. π
DeleteThe DVD I got for cheap has both versions on it. I don't remember which one I watched this morning, but unrated is usually my go-to.
DeleteShe (1965)
ReplyDeleteA Hammer joint. Has Ursula Andress. It's not that good. The book is so good. I don't know how they messed this up, but they did.
Twilight Theater (1982)
ReplyDeleteAired on February 13, 1982, this 90-minute bizarro sketch comedy pilot was co-executive produced by Steve Martin. NBC was trying to figure out what to do to relieve the pressure on Saturday Night Live‘s grueling production schedule, so they preempted SNL for a week to give Steve’s brain-child a test drive. What we got was a head-on collision between old-school variety show cheese and the new-wave, cocaine-fueled, anarchic comedy of the early 80s.
The framing device is honestly the best part. It plays like a parody of Masterpiece Theatre, celebrating the show’s 25th season. The legendary Roddy McDowall hosts from a plush wingback chair, wearing a tuxedo and cape, seated beneath oil portraits of the cast members (women included), all in formal wear, holding pipes. It sets you up for some high-concept satire. Instead, you get greeted by a black guy in drag humming the theme from Gone With the Wind and then things get really weird.
Like any pilot, this thing throws everything at the wall to see what sticks. Some of it is pure late-night genius; some of it makes you wonder if the writers’ room was just a pile of loose scripts and paranoia.
Playhouse Minus-One: This is the absolute crown jewel of the special. It’s a Civil War melodrama where the camera is the main character, a Southern belle named Mary Lou. You play Mary Lou, and your dialogue flashes on the screen with stage directions, and actors like George Peppard, Michael York and Steve Martin wait patiently for you to deliver your lines at home. It culminates in Steve Martin aggressively making out with the camera lens.
Auto Interruptus: Steve Martin plays a guy driving a carpool of three dudes to work. He turns on a radio talk show only to hear his own wife blabbing to the host about his terrible sexual performance. The punchline? She’s sleeping with all three guys in his carpool. It’s a dark, cynical take on the mockery of 80s machismo.
Women Who Have Made It With Me: Martin Mull hosts a talk show where he interviews three of his ex-lovers, only for them to systematically dissect how completely unmemorable he was in bed.
The No-Arms Bandits: Martin Mull plays a bank robber with no arms. He holds up a couple with a gun in his mouth, but the victims can’t understand his muffled orders, and he steals their wallets out of their pockets using his teeth.
Party in My Pants: A literal interpretation of the phrase in a song written by Robert Haimer and Billy Mumy, better known as Barnes & Barnes. You watch well-dressed people shrink down and disappear into the giant pant cuff of a derelict’s trousers to dance to disco music. It’s a classic Steve Martin concept—absurd merely for the sake of being absurd.
Plus, you get Harry Anderson (right before Night Court fame) playing an overage grade-school pervert and a hidden-camera sketch where Steve Martin tries to romance a girl using a series of terrible visual puns (she asks for flowers, he brings her cooking flour; she tells him to “stuff it,” so he slam-dunks a basketball in his bedroom).
CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST (1980, Ruggero Deodoto, ITL)
ReplyDeleteHeading out tonight to Portland’s premiere indy cinema, The Hollywood Theater, to witness this infamous, sickening spectacle! This found footage forerunner is being presented by Grindhouse Releasing in a newly restored, vomit-inducing 4K version, promising even greater grisliness to its carnivorous carnage! It’ll be my first viewing of CH, and frankly, I’m on the anxious side, but I’m willing to put my nerves (and gastro-intestinal system) at risk for my Junesploitation! crew! I do expect to be repulsed, and for concession sales to be sparse. I’ll report back if I survive….
"Today people want sensationalism; the more you r@pe their senses the happier they are."
DeleteCan't say I feel elated after seeing CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST on the big screen, but my senses were absolutely assaulted, and I walked away with a begrudging appreciation for the film. Respect where it's due -- some real chair-gripping stuff here. The found footage/cinema veritΓ© style increased the impact. Plus, the soundtrack was amazing, and the theater had the sound cranked. This is one exploitation film that lives up to its hype.
Riz Ortolani's music for "CH" is one for the ages. It elevates a movie that's already working on all cylinders, and transforms it into a spiritual experience. How many scores can do that? Not a movie I want to see often (last time for me was several years ago, and I own the damn thing on DVD), but mad respects for what it set out to do and accomplished. ππ€¨
DeleteTOY STORY 5 (2026) dir. Andrew Stanton
ReplyDelete2-1-3-5-ofTerror-Hawaiian Vacation-Small Fry-4
ReplyDeletePirates Triple Feature!
These are all re-watches for me, but we wanted to do a marathon today!
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
Such a fun time. Great to look at, excellent score, and iconic moments! Sometimes I forget the ride came first and they made a movie about it.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)
I remember going to an early screening of this and losing my mind at the end. I still can't believe how good the CGI looks. Some of the action scenes, like the one with the mill wheel and the three fighters sharing two swords are some of my favorites.
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Probably my least favorite of the three I watched today, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it immensely. I'm not a huge fan of Pirates 4 or 5, so for my head cannon, the films stop here. Also ignoring the post credits scene here because I have strong negative feelings about it.
Adventure movies are one of my favorite genres, and the films that lean into the fun are going to play well for me. A great day of watching movies!
Top Secret! (1984)
ReplyDeleteLetterboxd claims I watched this 10 years ago but I had no recollection. Definitely a lot of great gags, though I still prefer Airplane.
Rock ‘’n” Roll High School (1979)
ReplyDeleteJunesploitation roll call: Dick Miller, Roger Corman, PJ Soles, Dean Cundey, Clint Howard, Paul Bartel, Mary Wuronov, Joe Dante and on and on and on. When the credits rolled on the “giant mouse costume” my kid, unprompted, said “Thanks Rob Bottin” I swooned.
Long live The Ramones!!!
❤️
DeleteI dare you to watch the sequel π
DeleteI've been wanting to see The Furious in theaters since reading J.M.'s review of it earlier this month, but it's only been getting the latest showtimes at my local theater, and I'm bad at staying up/out late. Instead, I ended up seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark (great, duh) and Toy Story 5 (my least favorite entry, but still pretty good) at the theater today.
ReplyDeleteIn Junesploitation news...
Ghost Rider (2007)
Johnny Blaze sells his soul to the devil to cure Papa Blaze's cancer, which the devil does, but then immediately kills Papa Blaze in a motorcycle crash (the devil: not the most fair dealmaker). Years later, the devil takes his repayment by turning Johnny into a "Ghost Rider" with a flaming skeleton head who has to spend every night cruising the streets on a flaming motorcycle until he achieves his ultimate mission of... killing the devil's son, I think?
I didn't track the plot all that well, and despite the wild premise, the story actually feels sort of flat. There's not much complication or escalation. Once he becomes the Ghost Rider, he sort of just fights one bad guy, then fights another bad guy, then fights another bad guy until he's fighting the main bad guy (who wants to get his hands on a contract from a hundred years ago that'll get him a bunch of souls or something... also not entirely clear to me).
It wasn't my favorite, but it was fun enough, with some good bits. The CGI is surprisingly good. The double Ghost Rider sequence looks really cool (although it amounts to absolutely nothing). Nic Cage is fully committed, and elevates a bad role into something mildly interesting. Peter Fonda is pretty awesome as the devil.
Turkey Shoot (1982)
I saw and loved The Man from Hong Kong during a previous Juneploitation, so when Zillagord posted yesterday about another movie from the same director (Brian Trenchard-Smith, not a K-Pop group), I had to put this on my list.
It's a really fun humans hunting humans flick. The villains are set up well in the opening, all very hate-able, and each with their own distinct character flavor. When the action arrives, it's very violent with some pretty gnarly gore effects. It's not quite the best movie I've seen this Junesploitation, but it feels like maybe the best Junesploitation movie so far, if that makes sense?
For most of the movie, I couldn't figure out what else I recognized Olivia Hussey from. It was the It TV miniseries.
Shame about "The Furious," but it'll eventually stream or be available on home video. "Ghost Rider" and "Turkey Shoot" ain't a bad replacement 'B' movie double bill. π
DeleteYour evaluation of TURKEY SHOOT makes perfect sense to me-- there's movies, and then there's exploitation movies! They operate on a different level. Happy you enjoyed this one!
DeleteTHE BRIDE! (2026) dir. Maggie Gyllenhaal
ReplyDeleteA little too on the nose and precious. But still, the second best rendition of Putting on the Ritz.