143.- SUPERGIRL (2026, IMAX). HERO: KARA ZOR-EL, DRUNKEN KRYPTONIAN VILLAIN: KREM, BRIGAND LEADER OF INTEGALACTIC RING OF WOMEN TRAFFICKING THUGS AND WOULD-BE SPACE DOG KILLER
Is it me or does the ongoing reboot of the DC Universe have more in common with Marvel Cinematic Universe's fourth phase than the latter's early creative/financial success stories? Building on the world seen in last year's "Superman" (with David Corenswet providing regular present day/flashback cameos), "Supergirl" is a "Guardians of the Galaxy"-type space adventure with minimal connections to Earth... though by the end it seems future movies going forward will change that. Traveling the known universe partying with dog Krypto to celebrate her 23rd birthday, Kara runs into young Ruthye Marye Knoll (Eve Ridley) trying to recruit allies to take on Brigand leader Krem (a scene-stealing Matthias Schoenaerts) after he slaughters Ruthye's entire family. It's only after Krem mortally wounds Krypto while stealing her spaceship that Kara gets mad enough to get going, though it takes the entire movie for her to put on the Supergirl costume and finally kick intergalactic butt. Though there's action throughout "Supergirl" it never feels that special or superhero-like given the many weird looking characters/locales she and Ruthye encounter. Jason Momoa's extended scenes as Lobo are decent (same boisterous attitude as Zack Snyder's Aquaman, only with space bike riding effects and KISS make-up), but overall this feels like an extension of the lawless portions seen in "GOTG 3."
That said, there are about 10 minutes of flashbacks about Kara's memories from her childhood and growing up in Argo City that are some the best superhero world-building I've seen in the "Superman" cinematic universe since the Christopher Reeve days. Not a fan of "Men of Steel's" Krypton introduction or the still-sore turning of Jor-El into a bloodthirsty would-be tyrant in his few "Superman" scenes last year. These excellent Argo City/Kara's parents scenes, combined with the handful of moments Supergirl gets to strut what she's made of (and the real reason she keeps Ruthye from exacting the revenge she wants to inflict on Krem), yield a decent-for-'26 superheroes in space, good vs. evil fun romp. 3.6 INTERGALACTIC BUS DRIVERS WITH PHYSICALLY-SPLIT PERSONALITIES (out of five).
144.- LUCKY STRIKE ('26, THEATER). HEROES: SCOTT EASTWOOD, A MOTOROLA SCR-300 PORTABLE RADIO NICKNAMED 'LASSIE' VILLAINS: WAFFEN-SS & WEHRMACHT PANZER DIVISIONS, CORPORATE AMERICA TRYING TO WITHHOLD A WIDOW'S PENSION.
From director Rod Lurie ("The Contender," "The Last Castle") comes a decades-in-the-making World War II passion project about some lesser-known war story from the infamous Battle of the Bulge. On December 1944 Captain Castle (Scott Eastwood) and his men are ordered by Colonel Neale (Colin Hanks) to go behind enemy lines on the Ardennes region of Belgium to slow down the advancement of Germany's Fifth and Sixth Panzer Divisions making a last-ditch push to break into Allied territory. After various ambushes and shoot-outs only Castle is left alive, fending for himself with only an army radio unit (nicknamed 'Lassie' by his now-deceased men) as his reliable companion. Shot in Bulgaria by Lurie with as much historic accuracy as possible, "Lucky Strike" (whose name is based on a plot point I'd rather not spoil) alternates between too talky and too little WWII fighting action to keep audiences engaged. Eastwood is fine, the clouded-in-snow-fog cinematography competent and the flashback wrap-around story engaging. It's the very definition of a 'It's fine' movie you wish was better than what its intriguing premise delivers here. 3 'NAVAL VS. ARMY' COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAME REFERENCES (out of five).
[BLOGGER REJECTED MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT POSTING THIS REVIEW. 😰HERE'S TO ANOTHER 'WEEK IN UNNECESSARY CENSORSHIP' 😉]
142. MISSING IN ACTION (1985, DVD). Streaming on TUBI, PLUTO, ROKU CHANNEL, MGM+. HERO: AMERICAN, RECENT FORMER VIETNAM POW. VILLAINS: MODERN VIETNAM POLITICIANS/ARMY KEEPING SECRETS
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Rest in peace, Chuck Norris. 🥺😭Among his better 'one man army' Cannon flicks (courtesy of "Invasion USA"/"Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter's" Joseph Zito directing), "Missing In Action" finds Norris playing Colonel James Braddock, a Vietnam Prisoner of War who physically escaped his prison camp 10 years prior, but is emotionally trapped (constant nightmares) amongst his fellow U.S. prisoners still missing in action behind 'Nam's borders. Asked by a government committee to accompany a fact-finding mission in H0 Chi Minh City to find out whether there are still American POW's left alive, Braddock runs into Generals Tran and Vinh (James Hong and Ernie Ortega, respectively), whom he remembers as being directly involved with his own t0rture nightmares. After going rogue and doing some ninja sleuthing of his own (not to mention winding up in bed with Lenore Kasdorf's Ann... go Chuck! 😉), the colonel discovers the truth and absconds to Thailand to recruit his old war buddy "Tuck" Tucker (M. Emmet Walsh) for one final mission to help the remaining POW's escape Vietnam once and for all.
Zito knew better than anybody how to direct a Cannon action vehicle for Chuck Norris, blowing sh!t up real good (some pyro detonations in slomo look ridiculously ginormous) and giving the man some all-time beauty hero shots (coming from beneath the water firing a machine gun = chef's kiss). Though he never really has chemistry with anybody, the few scenes between Chuck and M. Emmet Walsh are a highlight. This being 80's Cannon there's unnecessary nudity (Thai prost!tutes' tops/bottoms walking in/out of frame constantly! 😵😵💫) and constant violence (car chases, assassination attempts, etc.) to make the slow/boring parts tolerable. Norris' acting is typically wooden, but it fits Braddock being the strong silent type that never smiles until he comes face to face with the POW's. When he says 'Let's get you home!' to the group of guys he rescues it may be manufactured, but d@mn if the moment didn't make me cry. 😓🫡 Happy 250th Anniversary, America, you're here because Chuck Norris kept the movie bad guys at bay for 50 of those glorious years. 😁 4.25 BULLET-PROOF CAMOUFLAGED INFLATABLE SPEED BOAT (out of five).
BONUS: 30 DAYS OF PINK PANTHER & FRIENDS, DAY 26! 145- SON OF THE PINK PANTHER (1993, DVD). Also streaming on AMAZON PRIME, TUBI, PLUTO, ROKU TV, YOUTUBE.
The final movie (not just 'Pink Panther' but ever) for both director/producer Blake Edwards, who retired afterwards and lived until 2010, and composer Henry Mancini, who passed away a year later (making his on-camera handing of the conductor baton to the cartoon Panther all the more symbolic). Ten years after the death of Inspector Clouseau, Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus (Herbert Lom, the MVP of the franchise just behind Peter Sellers) accidentally runs into the former's illegitimate son Jacques Gambrelli (Roberto Benigni), a klutzy second-rank cop in Nice that triggers the eye-twitching madness Dreyfus thought was behind him. Lugash's Princess Yasmin (Debrah Farentino) is kidnapped from her yacht by a group of professional terrorists led by Hans Zarba (Robert Davi, whose deadpan face opposite Benigni pretending to be a doctor is hysterical! 😅) who decides to hide in Nice while waiting for ransom. Since Gambrelli recognized Yasmin when he stopped Zarba's van during the same car accident involving Dreyfus (uh?), Hans decides to target Jacques and his mother Maria (Claudia Cardinale, the OG 'Princess' in 1963's first "Pink Panther" movie) for assassination. Lucky for them Dreyfus was in their home and takes the full brunt of a bomb... along with the Gambrelli's humping dog. 🐶
Jesus Christ, I just saw this and I'm already forgetting what happened in the second half. Co-written by Edwards and a couple of TV writers (Madeline and Steven Sunshine) with the assistance of Italian producers forking over half its budget (due to the popularity of Roberto Benigni in his Italian homeland), "Son of the Pink Panther" struggles mightily to get even small laughs. Recycled bits from the series' peak (mispronouncing 'bump' or 'law,' driving into fresh cement, Dreyfus surviving explosions/falls that would kill mortal men, Burt Kwouk's Cato still putting up a fight, etc.) are mixed with new ones that are either hit (Jacques' constantly-exploding motorbike, which I liked but is only featured in the first act) or miss (would-be attempts at romantic chemistry between Benigni and Farentino's Yasmin). There's nothing sadder than to experience a movie franchise you love limp along during its last few unnecessary sequels, and "Son" (the last entry in the OG series helmed by Blake Edwards) is the one that tests my patience and tolerance for lack of funny the most. 😰😓
ANIMATED INTRO OPENING: 3.85 PROJECTOR SPLICERS RUN AMOK (out of five). Rather than try to match all the previous animated openings, "Son" goes for a mix of cartoon sprites (Panther and Benigni-as-Gambrelli) and live-action recording of the scoring session with Bobby McFerrin's arrangements providing a soothing alternative take on Mancini's classic Panther theme (whose classic rendition during the closing credits music is glorious! 😍). It's unique and has flair, even though the animated gags on and off the projection screen are nothing you haven't seen before.
MOVIE RATING: 1.90 SHORT-CIRCUITED HOSPITAL REMOTE CONTROLS (out of five).
If you're in the mood for a 96 minute rape revenge where the torture lasts 83 minutes and you get 6 minutes worth of unsatisfying revenge with the bad guys basically winning, boy do I have a recommendation for you.
Unpleasant. Reprehensible to be honest. Figured Nazis would be a good villain for heroes and villains day as the world seems to have largely forgotten this as of late. Assumed I'd be in for some good Nazi killing action and this barely delivered.
SAMSON AND THE 7 MIRACLES OF THE WORLD (1961, dir. Riccardo Freda)
The Italian sword-and-sandal genre – known as peplum – is one that I have explored to a limited degree. Like most of examples of the genre I have watched, SAMSON feels very dated and suffers from slow pacing. The impressive sets do elevate the film. The ridiculousness factor of the story here is quite high, which made the film more entertaining for me because of the unintentional humor. Maciste – not Samson – is the hero helping the Chinese people overthrow the tyranny of the Mongols in 13th-Century Imperial China. He just happens to be wandering the world bringing justice to the places he passes through. Although there are some Asian actors in the cast, a lot of the main roles are filled by Western actors. I at least give the film credit for having some region appropriate faces. The physique of the actor portraying the hero is more impressive than his acting skills. There was some enjoyment I got out of SAMSON, but it is hard to recommend for those not already accustomed to watching peplum.
For those curious about Italian sword-and-sandal films, the ones with Steve Reeves are probably the best to start with. He had the most charisma out of any of the strongmen who acted in these films. Mario Bava's Hercules in the Haunted World and Sergio Leone's Collosus of Rhodes are notable entries in the genre.
Superhero Movie (2008): Rick Riker (Drake Bell from Drake & Josh) is an unpopular, unlucky student living with his Uncle Ben…I mean, Uncle Albert (Leslie Nielsen) and Aunt Lucille (Marion Ross). His only saving grace is his best friend, Trey (Kevin Hart, before he was famous). Naturally, Rick pines for Jill Johnson (Sara Paxton), who is currently dating bully Lance Landers (Ryan Hansen). During a school field trip to an animal research lab run by the terminally ill Lou Landers (Christopher McDonald, always Shooter McGavin), Rick gets drenched in animal-attraction liquid. A radioactive, chemically enhanced dragonfly bites him, and suddenly he begins to gain powers he doesn’t want and can’t control.
Meanwhile, Landers is testing a machine to cure his terminal illness. It works, but it turns him into a life-force-draining psychopath who adopts the mantle of Hourglass. After Rick accidentally lets a bank robber escape—leading to his Uncle Albert getting shot—Rick gets a visit from Professor Xavier, who is Tracy Morgan, and you know, that’s all I needed from this movie. I laughed immediately, and when someone claimed they had his love child, a bald baby doll in a suit, I also laughed because I have decidedly poor taste.
The Dragonfly fights crime, fails to stop Hourglass at a warehouse, saves Jill from muggers and suffers the tragic loss of the flatulent Aunt Lucille. After some angst-filled hero retirement, Rick eventually heads to an awards ceremony to stop Hourglass from killing everyone.
Sure, he destroys the machine, grows wings and saves Jill, but gets rammed by a helicopter.
Just look at this cast: Pamela Anderson as The Invisible Girl, Regina Hall as Mrs. Xavier, Robert Joy as Stephen Hawking, Robert Hays as Rick’s dad Blaine and Nicole Sullivan as his mother, Simon Rex as the Human Torch, Marisa Lauren as Storm, Richard Tillman as Wolverine, Howard Mungo as Nelson Mandela, Aki Aleong as the Dalai Lama, Sean Simms as Barry Bonds, Miles Fisher as Tom Cruise, Brent Spiner as Dr. Strom, Jeffrey Tambor as Dr. Whitby, Dan Castellaneta as Carlson, Keith David as Karlin, Charlene Tilton as Mrs. Johnson, Kurt Fuller as Mr. Thompson and Lil’ Kim as Xavier’s daughter, this movie keeps springing somewhat big stars and punchlines that were current as of 2008. But man, that Tom Cruise impression goes hard. Fisher and VFX wizard Chris Ume would go on to create Deepfake videos of Fisher as the actor.
This movie is filled with stupidity, but also some deep cut comic book nerd moments, like Michael Papajohn, who plays the mugger who kills Rick Riker’s parents. He also played Dennis “Spike” Carradine, the robber who gunned down and carjacked Uncle Ben in Spider-Man.
The moment that made me laugh the most is when Rick hears voices telling him to be a hero, and then we hear Leslie Nielsen in an echo chamber saying, “There are mood swings, fluid retention, and once a month you’ll bleed from your vagina.” I am a fool who laughs at the dumbest of the dumb things in the worst and dumbest movies, and I will not change.
Somehow, director Craig Mazin went on to direct episodes of Chornobyl and The Last of Us, two of the most depressing cable series ever. He also wrote The Sheep Detectives.
This is still tied to the ZAZ brand of parody comedies since it was produced by David Zucker and Robert K. Weiss. These two and Mazin had just come from making "Scary Movie 3/4," so "Superhero Movie" feels like the logical extension. I've seen this twice and it just doesn't make me laugh hard enough to want to rewatch it again. Still eons better than the Jason Friedbergh/Aaron Seltzer parodies from the same era ("Epic Movie," "Meet the Spartans," etc.), the worst s$#! that ever came from the success of the first two "Scary Movie" flicks. 🤢🤮
Have you seen Ivan Reitman's "My Super Ex-Girlfriend" with Uma Thurman and Luke Wilson? That's a 2006 superhero rom-com that feels off, but l prefer it over "Superhero Movie." 🤓🫤
(Given the open ended nature of todays category i choose two criteria: 1) a REALLY good Villain and 2) something sploitationy (ie: nothing too mainstream). I looked through countless titles and couldnt decide. However one image keep coming back in my head. The image of Rutger Hauer smiling menacingly from the passenger seat of a car. I hadnt revisited for over 30 years but that image is seared in my brain. Finally i gave in......)
The Hitcher (1986)
Holy sh@t did i choose well today. Hauers villainous take on a sociopath hitchhiker is INCREDIBLE. He has an intensity and silent stare that transcends acting and comes across as genuinely scary. The movie itself is even better than i remember from years ago. I had a clear memory of "the scene", one of the most unexpected and f@$ked up moments from any Thriller. But i didnt recall the substantial amount of carnage around said scene. Hauer is relentless. In the end i think he's sort of a pastiche of: a silent killer shark a-la-jaws, the terminator, a horror slasher killer, and maybe a smidge of Hannibal Lector for the stoic menace? This cat and mouse Thriller between he and C Thomas Howell is LOADS of fun. Highest recommendation for those who've not seen it!!!!!
Hercules Against the Moon Men (1964, dir. Giacomo Gentilomo)
The evil queen Samara, under the mental control of villainous aliens from the Moon, is sacrificing her subjects in order to revive a Moon goddess. The heroic Hercules* is summoned to help the oppressed people and faces various obstacles, tests of strength, torture devices, the queen's soldiers, her powers of seduction, and rock monsters in order to free the people. He also fights a gorilla for some reason.
Peplum movies were dime a dozen in 60's Italy, and this is definitely one of them. The premise that mixes peplum and sci-fi is kinda fun, there's a certain charm to the cheap execution, the acting's pretty wooden (though that's probably at least partly the dubbing's fault), and the aliens' costumes are hilarious.
* The original Italian movie's hero is called Maciste, a character that had been a mainstay of Italian cinema for decades, but the English dub calls him Hercules, presumably because it's a more recognizable name outside Italy.
A wacky action comedy about a nerdy inventor and avid Batman fan who decides to put on a mask and make a difference, much to the chagrin of his exasperated brother. I have such a soft spot for home-made superheroes that it's almost impossible for me not to enjoy a story like this, especially when it's so tongue-in-cheek but still somehow feels sincere. I don't always dig Damon Wayans as a performer, but I do respect how hard he commits to the bit. The cartoonish tone pays deliberate homage to the Adam West Batman, and while some can find this weird genre send-up/tribute grating, I was all in.
I didn't get to do John Woo day so what better for Heroes and Villains day than a hero becoming a villain and villain becoming a hero and all the John Woo wildness that goes with it. This movie is so much fun, except for the hand thing, that always seems kinda creepy.
RAT PFINK A BOO BOO (1966) This movie starts as a gritty film noir about a woman being stalked in the big city, only then to make a hard left into a parody/ripoff of the ‘60s Batman TV show. Yes, the filmmakers saw the Adam West show and decided to cash in on it to finish their unfinished crime flick. It’s a mess, but not without its bright spots. I thought the superhero stuff was legit funny, but your mileage might vary. Also lots of location filming in ‘60s Los Angeles, for that great old-timey Hollywood feel. This is a paper-thin movie, but I guess I liked it.
30 days of fan films, day 26: BATMAN BEYOND YEAR ONE (2024) In the future, Terry McGinnis fights crime in Neo Gotham as the new Batman. It can’t be easy to create a Blade Runner-ish cyberpunk city on a fan film budget, but director Michael Yu went for it anyway. This whole thing looks very slick and polished, so that casual viewers might mistake it for a CW superhero show. The performances are also good, as is the fight choreography. The accompanying behind-the-scenes vid shows the unbelievable amount of effort that went into creating all this, making it even more impressive.
THE RETURN OF THE BIONIC BOY (1979, Bobby A. Suarez, PHL) aka DYNAMITE JOHNSON (easy, freaks-- it's NOT a blaxploitation p0rn)
Full disclosure: I haven’t seen the original BIONIC BOY (1977). Somehow, I was able to catch up. Our HERO, portrayed by young Johnson Yap, acquires magic legs (and a few other bionic body parts) and learns how to kick butt before he learns long division. He teams up with our HEROINE, Cleopatra Wong (Marrie Lee, reprising her role from 1978's eponymously-entitled effort), to battle the evil Nazi forces of our VILLIAN, the suitably surnamed Colonel Kuntz (Filipino film stalwart Ken Metcalfe, who co-wrote this and is also in such genre gems as FIRECRACKER, CAGED FURY, and WARRIORS OF THE APOCALYPSE). Along the way, we witness the most flamingly stereotypical gay character ever, the pyrotechnic destructive forces of a fire-breathing Dragonmobile, and 9-year-old Yap massacring a multitude of grown-ass men!
There’s an astounding amount of death and destruction in this; I guess kiddie flicks are just different in the Philippines. Wish I’d grown up there! Add this one to the lengthy list of reasons why I love Filipino exploitation!
In some alternate timeline, Yap and Cleo Wong would have teamed up with Agent 00, Weng Weng, for the ultimate islander exploitation effort ever. A weirdo can dream….
How did I sleep on this for 34 years?! From the open dance number to Tony Goldwin screaming “IT’S MELTING!” to the ripped off Beverly Hills Cop theme… this RULES! Literally none of the choices made by anyone in this movie, including the director, make any sense. Still, this is so my jam. Needed one more turkey gag tho.
I love this movie! For the record, the BHC theme isn’t being ripped off, it’s the same composer, Harold Faltermeyer. All his scores sound similar (see also Fletch, Tango & Cash, Cop Out, even Top Gun)
This felt like the perfect fit for heroes and villains day considering Yuri Boyka’s (Scott Adkins) history. He was introduced as the villain of Undisputed II, where despite being the world’s most complete fighter (his words) he had his ass (and knee) handed to him by George “Iceman” Chambers (Michael Jai White) in an underground prison mixed martial arts tournament. Boyka returned as the hero of Undisputed III, broken but determined, and the series managed to get better with every installment.
Now here we are at the fourth entry and you know what? It still keeps getting better. Boyka is back, this time trying to atone for not only the life that put him in prison, but also for the accidental death of an opponent in the ring. This is Adkins’ best performance as Boyka, bringing the power emotionally as well as physically, and he’s matched every step of the way by Teodora Duhovnikova as Alma, the wife of the man he killed. The fights are dynamic and exciting and shot in a way that makes you feel like you’re in the ring with these incredible fighters. I hope this isn’t the last one, but if it is it’s an excellent capstone to an improbably great franchise.
On Becoming a Guinea Fowl Thanks Patrick for bringing us all together each year for the greatest month of the year. Extra thanks for this year’s daily themes which could lead to more open interpretations. Shula, a great name for a heroine, comes across the dead body of her Uncle Fred by the side of the road in Zambia. The culture demands great grief and honor to be given to the deceased uncle, but Shula knows that Uncle Fred was not a good man and that he did awful things. He is the villain. I enjoyed the look into the Zambian way of honoring the dead and marveled at how Shula held the screen. My wife and I have a tradition of pointing out the moment when a movie earns its title, but I do not recall a movie where the fullest realization of the title is the final shot. Brava!
143.- SUPERGIRL (2026, IMAX).
ReplyDeleteHERO: KARA ZOR-EL, DRUNKEN KRYPTONIAN
VILLAIN: KREM, BRIGAND LEADER OF INTEGALACTIC RING OF WOMEN TRAFFICKING THUGS AND WOULD-BE SPACE DOG KILLER
Is it me or does the ongoing reboot of the DC Universe have more in common with Marvel Cinematic Universe's fourth phase than the latter's early creative/financial success stories? Building on the world seen in last year's "Superman" (with David Corenswet providing regular present day/flashback cameos), "Supergirl" is a "Guardians of the Galaxy"-type space adventure with minimal connections to Earth... though by the end it seems future movies going forward will change that. Traveling the known universe partying with dog Krypto to celebrate her 23rd birthday, Kara runs into young Ruthye Marye Knoll (Eve Ridley) trying to recruit allies to take on Brigand leader Krem (a scene-stealing Matthias Schoenaerts) after he slaughters Ruthye's entire family. It's only after Krem mortally wounds Krypto while stealing her spaceship that Kara gets mad enough to get going, though it takes the entire movie for her to put on the Supergirl costume and finally kick intergalactic butt. Though there's action throughout "Supergirl" it never feels that special or superhero-like given the many weird looking characters/locales she and Ruthye encounter. Jason Momoa's extended scenes as Lobo are decent (same boisterous attitude as Zack Snyder's Aquaman, only with space bike riding effects and KISS make-up), but overall this feels like an extension of the lawless portions seen in "GOTG 3."
That said, there are about 10 minutes of flashbacks about Kara's memories from her childhood and growing up in Argo City that are some the best superhero world-building I've seen in the "Superman" cinematic universe since the Christopher Reeve days. Not a fan of "Men of Steel's" Krypton introduction or the still-sore turning of Jor-El into a bloodthirsty would-be tyrant in his few "Superman" scenes last year. These excellent Argo City/Kara's parents scenes, combined with the handful of moments Supergirl gets to strut what she's made of (and the real reason she keeps Ruthye from exacting the revenge she wants to inflict on Krem), yield a decent-for-'26 superheroes in space, good vs. evil fun romp. 3.6 INTERGALACTIC BUS DRIVERS WITH PHYSICALLY-SPLIT PERSONALITIES (out of five).
144.- LUCKY STRIKE ('26, THEATER).
ReplyDeleteHEROES: SCOTT EASTWOOD, A MOTOROLA SCR-300 PORTABLE RADIO NICKNAMED 'LASSIE'
VILLAINS: WAFFEN-SS & WEHRMACHT PANZER DIVISIONS, CORPORATE AMERICA TRYING TO WITHHOLD A WIDOW'S PENSION.
From director Rod Lurie ("The Contender," "The Last Castle") comes a decades-in-the-making World War II passion project about some lesser-known war story from the infamous Battle of the Bulge. On December 1944 Captain Castle (Scott Eastwood) and his men are ordered by Colonel Neale (Colin Hanks) to go behind enemy lines on the Ardennes region of Belgium to slow down the advancement of Germany's Fifth and Sixth Panzer Divisions making a last-ditch push to break into Allied territory. After various ambushes and shoot-outs only Castle is left alive, fending for himself with only an army radio unit (nicknamed 'Lassie' by his now-deceased men) as his reliable companion. Shot in Bulgaria by Lurie with as much historic accuracy as possible, "Lucky Strike" (whose name is based on a plot point I'd rather not spoil) alternates between too talky and too little WWII fighting action to keep audiences engaged. Eastwood is fine, the clouded-in-snow-fog cinematography competent and the flashback wrap-around story engaging. It's the very definition of a 'It's fine' movie you wish was better than what its intriguing premise delivers here. 3 'NAVAL VS. ARMY' COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAME REFERENCES (out of five).
[BLOGGER REJECTED MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT POSTING THIS REVIEW. 😰HERE'S TO ANOTHER 'WEEK IN UNNECESSARY CENSORSHIP' 😉]
ReplyDelete142. MISSING IN ACTION (1985, DVD). Streaming on TUBI, PLUTO, ROKU CHANNEL, MGM+.
HERO: AMERICAN, RECENT FORMER VIETNAM POW.
VILLAINS: MODERN VIETNAM POLITICIANS/ARMY KEEPING SECRETS
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Rest in peace, Chuck Norris. 🥺😭Among his better 'one man army' Cannon flicks (courtesy of "Invasion USA"/"Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter's" Joseph Zito directing), "Missing In Action" finds Norris playing Colonel James Braddock, a Vietnam Prisoner of War who physically escaped his prison camp 10 years prior, but is emotionally trapped (constant nightmares) amongst his fellow U.S. prisoners still missing in action behind 'Nam's borders. Asked by a government committee to accompany a fact-finding mission in H0 Chi Minh City to find out whether there are still American POW's left alive, Braddock runs into Generals Tran and Vinh (James Hong and Ernie Ortega, respectively), whom he remembers as being directly involved with his own t0rture nightmares. After going rogue and doing some ninja sleuthing of his own (not to mention winding up in bed with Lenore Kasdorf's Ann... go Chuck! 😉), the colonel discovers the truth and absconds to Thailand to recruit his old war buddy "Tuck" Tucker (M. Emmet Walsh) for one final mission to help the remaining POW's escape Vietnam once and for all.
Zito knew better than anybody how to direct a Cannon action vehicle for Chuck Norris, blowing sh!t up real good (some pyro detonations in slomo look ridiculously ginormous) and giving the man some all-time beauty hero shots (coming from beneath the water firing a machine gun = chef's kiss). Though he never really has chemistry with anybody, the few scenes between Chuck and M. Emmet Walsh are a highlight. This being 80's Cannon there's unnecessary nudity (Thai prost!tutes' tops/bottoms walking in/out of frame constantly! 😵😵💫) and constant violence (car chases, assassination attempts, etc.) to make the slow/boring parts tolerable. Norris' acting is typically wooden, but it fits Braddock being the strong silent type that never smiles until he comes face to face with the POW's. When he says 'Let's get you home!' to the group of guys he rescues it may be manufactured, but d@mn if the moment didn't make me cry. 😓🫡 Happy 250th Anniversary, America, you're here because Chuck Norris kept the movie bad guys at bay for 50 of those glorious years. 😁 4.25 BULLET-PROOF CAMOUFLAGED INFLATABLE SPEED BOAT (out of five).
BONUS: 30 DAYS OF PINK PANTHER & FRIENDS, DAY 26!
ReplyDelete145- SON OF THE PINK PANTHER (1993, DVD). Also streaming on AMAZON PRIME, TUBI, PLUTO, ROKU TV, YOUTUBE.
The final movie (not just 'Pink Panther' but ever) for both director/producer Blake Edwards, who retired afterwards and lived until 2010, and composer Henry Mancini, who passed away a year later (making his on-camera handing of the conductor baton to the cartoon Panther all the more symbolic). Ten years after the death of Inspector Clouseau, Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus (Herbert Lom, the MVP of the franchise just behind Peter Sellers) accidentally runs into the former's illegitimate son Jacques Gambrelli (Roberto Benigni), a klutzy second-rank cop in Nice that triggers the eye-twitching madness Dreyfus thought was behind him. Lugash's Princess Yasmin (Debrah Farentino) is kidnapped from her yacht by a group of professional terrorists led by Hans Zarba (Robert Davi, whose deadpan face opposite Benigni pretending to be a doctor is hysterical! 😅) who decides to hide in Nice while waiting for ransom. Since Gambrelli recognized Yasmin when he stopped Zarba's van during the same car accident involving Dreyfus (uh?), Hans decides to target Jacques and his mother Maria (Claudia Cardinale, the OG 'Princess' in 1963's first "Pink Panther" movie) for assassination. Lucky for them Dreyfus was in their home and takes the full brunt of a bomb... along with the Gambrelli's humping dog. 🐶
Jesus Christ, I just saw this and I'm already forgetting what happened in the second half. Co-written by Edwards and a couple of TV writers (Madeline and Steven Sunshine) with the assistance of Italian producers forking over half its budget (due to the popularity of Roberto Benigni in his Italian homeland), "Son of the Pink Panther" struggles mightily to get even small laughs. Recycled bits from the series' peak (mispronouncing 'bump' or 'law,' driving into fresh cement, Dreyfus surviving explosions/falls that would kill mortal men, Burt Kwouk's Cato still putting up a fight, etc.) are mixed with new ones that are either hit (Jacques' constantly-exploding motorbike, which I liked but is only featured in the first act) or miss (would-be attempts at romantic chemistry between Benigni and Farentino's Yasmin). There's nothing sadder than to experience a movie franchise you love limp along during its last few unnecessary sequels, and "Son" (the last entry in the OG series helmed by Blake Edwards) is the one that tests my patience and tolerance for lack of funny the most. 😰😓
ANIMATED INTRO OPENING: 3.85 PROJECTOR SPLICERS RUN AMOK (out of five). Rather than try to match all the previous animated openings, "Son" goes for a mix of cartoon sprites (Panther and Benigni-as-Gambrelli) and live-action recording of the scoring session with Bobby McFerrin's arrangements providing a soothing alternative take on Mancini's classic Panther theme (whose classic rendition during the closing credits music is glorious! 😍). It's unique and has flair, even though the animated gags on and off the projection screen are nothing you haven't seen before.
MOVIE RATING: 1.90 SHORT-CIRCUITED HOSPITAL REMOTE CONTROLS (out of five).
Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS (1975)
ReplyDeleteIf you're in the mood for a 96 minute rape revenge where the torture lasts 83 minutes and you get 6 minutes worth of unsatisfying revenge with the bad guys basically winning, boy do I have a recommendation for you.
Unpleasant. Reprehensible to be honest. Figured Nazis would be a good villain for heroes and villains day as the world seems to have largely forgotten this as of late. Assumed I'd be in for some good Nazi killing action and this barely delivered.
Death Proof (2007, dir. Quentin Tarantino)
ReplyDeleteTIL if you watch this after 26 days of Junesploitation it becomes your new favorite Tarantino movie.
NGL it’s always my favorite Tarantino movie. Zoe Bell on that hood…
DeleteSAMSON AND THE 7 MIRACLES OF THE WORLD (1961, dir. Riccardo Freda)
ReplyDeleteThe Italian sword-and-sandal genre – known as peplum – is one that I have explored to a limited degree. Like most of examples of the genre I have watched, SAMSON feels very dated and suffers from slow pacing. The impressive sets do elevate the film. The ridiculousness factor of the story here is quite high, which made the film more entertaining for me because of the unintentional humor. Maciste – not Samson – is the hero helping the Chinese people overthrow the tyranny of the Mongols in 13th-Century Imperial China. He just happens to be wandering the world bringing justice to the places he passes through. Although there are some Asian actors in the cast, a lot of the main roles are filled by Western actors. I at least give the film credit for having some region appropriate faces. The physique of the actor portraying the hero is more impressive than his acting skills. There was some enjoyment I got out of SAMSON, but it is hard to recommend for those not already accustomed to watching peplum.
For those curious about Italian sword-and-sandal films, the ones with Steve Reeves are probably the best to start with. He had the most charisma out of any of the strongmen who acted in these films. Mario Bava's Hercules in the Haunted World and Sergio Leone's Collosus of Rhodes are notable entries in the genre.
The end of the month is so close now. I am feeling the strain but aiming to end Junesploitation on a high note.
DeleteSame here. So exhausted 🥵, yet so pumped for the final few days. 🤟😄
DeleteSuperhero Movie (2008): Rick Riker (Drake Bell from Drake & Josh) is an unpopular, unlucky student living with his Uncle Ben…I mean, Uncle Albert (Leslie Nielsen) and Aunt Lucille (Marion Ross). His only saving grace is his best friend, Trey (Kevin Hart, before he was famous). Naturally, Rick pines for Jill Johnson (Sara Paxton), who is currently dating bully Lance Landers (Ryan Hansen). During a school field trip to an animal research lab run by the terminally ill Lou Landers (Christopher McDonald, always Shooter McGavin), Rick gets drenched in animal-attraction liquid. A radioactive, chemically enhanced dragonfly bites him, and suddenly he begins to gain powers he doesn’t want and can’t control.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, Landers is testing a machine to cure his terminal illness. It works, but it turns him into a life-force-draining psychopath who adopts the mantle of Hourglass. After Rick accidentally lets a bank robber escape—leading to his Uncle Albert getting shot—Rick gets a visit from Professor Xavier, who is Tracy Morgan, and you know, that’s all I needed from this movie. I laughed immediately, and when someone claimed they had his love child, a bald baby doll in a suit, I also laughed because I have decidedly poor taste.
The Dragonfly fights crime, fails to stop Hourglass at a warehouse, saves Jill from muggers and suffers the tragic loss of the flatulent Aunt Lucille. After some angst-filled hero retirement, Rick eventually heads to an awards ceremony to stop Hourglass from killing everyone.
Sure, he destroys the machine, grows wings and saves Jill, but gets rammed by a helicopter.
Just look at this cast: Pamela Anderson as The Invisible Girl, Regina Hall as Mrs. Xavier, Robert Joy as Stephen Hawking, Robert Hays as Rick’s dad Blaine and Nicole Sullivan as his mother, Simon Rex as the Human Torch, Marisa Lauren as Storm, Richard Tillman as Wolverine, Howard Mungo as Nelson Mandela, Aki Aleong as the Dalai Lama, Sean Simms as Barry Bonds, Miles Fisher as Tom Cruise, Brent Spiner as Dr. Strom, Jeffrey Tambor as Dr. Whitby, Dan Castellaneta as Carlson, Keith David as Karlin, Charlene Tilton as Mrs. Johnson, Kurt Fuller as Mr. Thompson and Lil’ Kim as Xavier’s daughter, this movie keeps springing somewhat big stars and punchlines that were current as of 2008. But man, that Tom Cruise impression goes hard. Fisher and VFX wizard Chris Ume would go on to create Deepfake videos of Fisher as the actor.
This movie is filled with stupidity, but also some deep cut comic book nerd moments, like Michael Papajohn, who plays the mugger who kills Rick Riker’s parents. He also played Dennis “Spike” Carradine, the robber who gunned down and carjacked Uncle Ben in Spider-Man.
The moment that made me laugh the most is when Rick hears voices telling him to be a hero, and then we hear Leslie Nielsen in an echo chamber saying, “There are mood swings, fluid retention, and once a month you’ll bleed from your vagina.” I am a fool who laughs at the dumbest of the dumb things in the worst and dumbest movies, and I will not change.
Somehow, director Craig Mazin went on to direct episodes of Chornobyl and The Last of Us, two of the most depressing cable series ever. He also wrote The Sheep Detectives.
This is still tied to the ZAZ brand of parody comedies since it was produced by David Zucker and Robert K. Weiss. These two and Mazin had just come from making "Scary Movie 3/4," so "Superhero Movie" feels like the logical extension. I've seen this twice and it just doesn't make me laugh hard enough to want to rewatch it again. Still eons better than the Jason Friedbergh/Aaron Seltzer parodies from the same era ("Epic Movie," "Meet the Spartans," etc.), the worst s$#! that ever came from the success of the first two "Scary Movie" flicks. 🤢🤮
DeleteHave you seen Ivan Reitman's "My Super Ex-Girlfriend" with Uma Thurman and Luke Wilson? That's a 2006 superhero rom-com that feels off, but l prefer it over "Superhero Movie." 🤓🫤
I’m just into dumb movies. I’ve seen that too but no Lealie Nielsen haha
Delete(Given the open ended nature of todays category i choose two criteria: 1) a REALLY good Villain and 2) something sploitationy (ie: nothing too mainstream). I looked through countless titles and couldnt decide. However one image keep coming back in my head. The image of Rutger Hauer smiling menacingly from the passenger seat of a car. I hadnt revisited for over 30 years but that image is seared in my brain. Finally i gave in......)
ReplyDeleteThe Hitcher (1986)
Holy sh@t did i choose well today. Hauers villainous take on a sociopath hitchhiker is INCREDIBLE. He has an intensity and silent stare that transcends acting and comes across as genuinely scary. The movie itself is even better than i remember from years ago. I had a clear memory of "the scene", one of the most unexpected and f@$ked up moments from any Thriller. But i didnt recall the substantial amount of carnage around said scene. Hauer is relentless. In the end i think he's sort of a pastiche of: a silent killer shark a-la-jaws, the terminator, a horror slasher killer, and maybe a smidge of Hannibal Lector for the stoic menace? This cat and mouse Thriller between he and C Thomas Howell is LOADS of fun. Highest recommendation for those who've not seen it!!!!!
Would it be crazy to have a Rutger Hauer day in Junesploitation?
DeleteHoly crap even in just the 80s and 90s, he's in 36 movies!
Hercules Against the Moon Men (1964, dir. Giacomo Gentilomo)
ReplyDeleteThe evil queen Samara, under the mental control of villainous aliens from the Moon, is sacrificing her subjects in order to revive a Moon goddess. The heroic Hercules* is summoned to help the oppressed people and faces various obstacles, tests of strength, torture devices, the queen's soldiers, her powers of seduction, and rock monsters in order to free the people. He also fights a gorilla for some reason.
Peplum movies were dime a dozen in 60's Italy, and this is definitely one of them. The premise that mixes peplum and sci-fi is kinda fun, there's a certain charm to the cheap execution, the acting's pretty wooden (though that's probably at least partly the dubbing's fault), and the aliens' costumes are hilarious.
* The original Italian movie's hero is called Maciste, a character that had been a mainstay of Italian cinema for decades, but the English dub calls him Hercules, presumably because it's a more recognizable name outside Italy.
Supergirl (2026, dir. Craig Gillespie)
DeleteYet another DC movie that desperately tries to be Guardians of the Galaxy.
Blankman (1994)
ReplyDeleteA wacky action comedy about a nerdy inventor and avid Batman fan who decides to put on a mask and make a difference, much to the chagrin of his exasperated brother. I have such a soft spot for home-made superheroes that it's almost impossible for me not to enjoy a story like this, especially when it's so tongue-in-cheek but still somehow feels sincere. I don't always dig Damon Wayans as a performer, but I do respect how hard he commits to the bit. The cartoonish tone pays deliberate homage to the Adam West Batman, and while some can find this weird genre send-up/tribute grating, I was all in.
Face Off (1997) John Woo
ReplyDeleteI didn't get to do John Woo day so what better for Heroes and Villains day than a hero becoming a villain and villain becoming a hero and all the John Woo wildness that goes with it. This movie is so much fun, except for the hand thing, that always seems kinda creepy.
You forgot the '/' in-between... "Face/Off." 😉☺️
DeleteGreat thinking for today's theme!
DeleteRAT PFINK A BOO BOO (1966)
ReplyDeleteThis movie starts as a gritty film noir about a woman being stalked in the big city, only then to make a hard left into a parody/ripoff of the ‘60s Batman TV show. Yes, the filmmakers saw the Adam West show and decided to cash in on it to finish their unfinished crime flick. It’s a mess, but not without its bright spots. I thought the superhero stuff was legit funny, but your mileage might vary. Also lots of location filming in ‘60s Los Angeles, for that great old-timey Hollywood feel. This is a paper-thin movie, but I guess I liked it.
30 days of fan films, day 26: BATMAN BEYOND YEAR ONE (2024)
In the future, Terry McGinnis fights crime in Neo Gotham as the new Batman. It can’t be easy to create a Blade Runner-ish cyberpunk city on a fan film budget, but director Michael Yu went for it anyway. This whole thing looks very slick and polished, so that casual viewers might mistake it for a CW superhero show. The performances are also good, as is the fight choreography. The accompanying behind-the-scenes vid shows the unbelievable amount of effort that went into creating all this, making it even more impressive.
Sweet pick! Love Rat Pfink!!
DeleteTHE RETURN OF THE BIONIC BOY (1979, Bobby A. Suarez, PHL) aka DYNAMITE JOHNSON (easy, freaks-- it's NOT a blaxploitation p0rn)
ReplyDeleteFull disclosure: I haven’t seen the original BIONIC BOY (1977). Somehow, I was able to catch up. Our HERO, portrayed by young Johnson Yap, acquires magic legs (and a few other bionic body parts) and learns how to kick butt before he learns long division. He teams up with our HEROINE, Cleopatra Wong (Marrie Lee, reprising her role from 1978's eponymously-entitled effort), to battle the evil Nazi forces of our VILLIAN, the suitably surnamed Colonel Kuntz (Filipino film stalwart Ken Metcalfe, who co-wrote this and is also in such genre gems as FIRECRACKER, CAGED FURY, and WARRIORS OF THE APOCALYPSE). Along the way, we witness the most flamingly stereotypical gay character ever, the pyrotechnic destructive forces of a fire-breathing Dragonmobile, and 9-year-old Yap massacring a multitude of grown-ass men!
There’s an astounding amount of death and destruction in this; I guess kiddie flicks are just different in the Philippines. Wish I’d grown up there! Add this one to the lengthy list of reasons why I love Filipino exploitation!
In some alternate timeline, Yap and Cleo Wong would have teamed up with Agent 00, Weng Weng, for the ultimate islander exploitation effort ever. A weirdo can dream….
KUFFS (1992) dir. Bruce A. Evans
ReplyDeleteHow did I sleep on this for 34 years?! From the open dance number to Tony Goldwin screaming “IT’S MELTING!” to the ripped off Beverly Hills Cop theme… this RULES! Literally none of the choices made by anyone in this movie, including the director, make any sense. Still, this is so my jam. Needed one more turkey gag tho.
I love this movie! For the record, the BHC theme isn’t being ripped off, it’s the same composer, Harold Faltermeyer. All his scores sound similar (see also Fletch, Tango & Cash, Cop Out, even Top Gun)
DeleteOne of my favs since childhood.
DeleteBoyka: Undisputed IV
ReplyDeleteThis felt like the perfect fit for heroes and villains day considering Yuri Boyka’s (Scott Adkins) history. He was introduced as the villain of Undisputed II, where despite being the world’s most complete fighter (his words) he had his ass (and knee) handed to him by George “Iceman” Chambers (Michael Jai White) in an underground prison mixed martial arts tournament. Boyka returned as the hero of Undisputed III, broken but determined, and the series managed to get better with every installment.
Now here we are at the fourth entry and you know what? It still keeps getting better. Boyka is back, this time trying to atone for not only the life that put him in prison, but also for the accidental death of an opponent in the ring. This is Adkins’ best performance as Boyka, bringing the power emotionally as well as physically, and he’s matched every step of the way by Teodora Duhovnikova as Alma, the wife of the man he killed. The fights are dynamic and exciting and shot in a way that makes you feel like you’re in the ring with these incredible fighters. I hope this isn’t the last one, but if it is it’s an excellent capstone to an improbably great franchise.
On Becoming a Guinea Fowl
ReplyDeleteThanks Patrick for bringing us all together each year for the greatest month of the year. Extra thanks for this year’s daily themes which could lead to more open interpretations.
Shula, a great name for a heroine, comes across the dead body of her Uncle Fred by the side of the road in Zambia. The culture demands great grief and honor to be given to the deceased uncle, but Shula knows that Uncle Fred was not a good man and that he did awful things. He is the villain.
I enjoyed the look into the Zambian way of honoring the dead and marveled at how Shula held the screen. My wife and I have a tradition of pointing out the moment when a movie earns its title, but I do not recall a movie where the fullest realization of the title is the final shot. Brava!