'ULTERIOR-MOTIVE SCIENTIST/DOCTOR MAKES DIFFICULT SITUATION WORSE' TRIPLE PLAY! 022.- THE NEW MUTANTS (2020, FX MOVIES). Streaming on DISNEY+.
Four teenagers with still-developing mutant abilities are held against their will at a medical facility led by a mutant scientist (Alice Braga's Doctor Reyes) to teach them how to control their superpowers. The arrival of a fifth orphan teen, Dani Moonstar (Blu Hunt), triggers something in the group that gradually turns them against each other before they decide to work together to defeat a common enemy... besides you-know-who. An "X-Men" spinoff made on the cheap, "The New Mutants" was already a notorious troubled production before Disney's purchase of Fox and the COVID-19 pandemic put it out of its/our misery. A young Anya Taylor-Joy and blink-and-you'll-miss-him Adam Beach deliver the best performances, but co-writer/director Josh Boone has limited resources to try and pull off a 'PG-13' superhero action/horror hybrid that never quite gels together. Fans of "X-Men" comic book lore will recognize a few characters and story callbacks, but most average viewers can feel how empty the creative tank was when Fox suits greenlit this flick. 2 CHURCH STEEPLES FULL OF OSHA VIOLATIONS (out of five).
Quick-to-anger high school student Tony Rivers (played by then-21-year-old Michael Landon) has a short fuse and outbursts of violence that threaten his relationship with girlfriend Arlene (Yvonne Lime), his clique of friends (rock-n-roll parties after school) and his freedom due to local cops eyeing him as a potential criminal. With the right mental health treatment Tony could have been helped, but Dr. Alfred Brandon (a hammy Whit Bissell) is only interested in bringing out the animalistic regression buried beneath Tony's subconscious via a combination of serum and hypnotherapy. Played straight by an earnest cast and made with minimal artistic flourishes by a workmanlike 50's crew, "I Was A Teenage Werewolf" feels more like a tragedy than a drive-in creature feature. The make-up is 'meh,' the resolution at the end feels rushed, and you know if this didn't have its catchy title and Michael Landon as the lead, it would have been completely forgotten by now. A decent way to kill 75 minutes without having much to show for it. 3 GYMNASTIC PARALLEL BARS (out of five).
024.- DEAD KIDS, aka STRANGE BEHAVIOR (1981, INDICATOR 4K UHD). Streaming on ROKU CHANNEL, PLEX, FAWESOME.
An Australian horror movie shot in New Zealand trying to pass as being made/set in the USA (featuring recognizable actors like Michael Murphy, Marc McClure and Louise Fletcher in prominent roles), "Dead Kids" (released in the States as "Strange Behavior" with a couple of minutes removed) is an odd duck in that mood/atmosphere of dread in small town America are better calling cards than its handful of slasher-type killings perpetrated by normal high school students. The restored-in-4K widescreen transfer in Indicator's release makes the cinematography shine. Except for a memorable attack at a dress-up party the violence feels restrained for '81, though the gradual reveal of Dr. Le Sange (Arthur Dignam) as inspiration for college study shenanigans pays off at the end. 'It's fine.'3 COCA-COLA SIGNS EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK (out of five).
BONUS: 30 DAYS OF PINK PANTHER & FRIENDS, DAY 5! 025.- THE PINK PANTHER: PINKFINGER (5/15/65, DVD). Available to stream on YOUTUBE.
An offscreen narrator (Paul Frees) eggs the Pink Panther to become a secret agent (complete with raincoat/hat similar to Inspector Clouseau's) and bust criminals and secret agents plotting terrorist activities on the city. An obvious riff on "Goldfinger," "Pinkfinger" alternates between the Panther beating the bad guys at their spy game while also being the butt of the narrative's jokes/gags. It's a rare instance of a P.P. cartoon using on/offscreen voices to interact with the always mute Panther. 4 BANANA PEELS ON A BUILDING BALCONY (out of five).
16-year-old Alison and two of her friends play with a makeshift Ouija board, which gives Alison a warning not to go to her 19th birthday party or she will be in danger. Fast forward two and a half years, Alison lives in another town but her family insists she come home for her birthday. Could there be something sinister going on? Yes.
An Aussie folk horror that really takes its time and the mystery here isn't very mysterious, but I liked how it ended and the cinematography and sound occasionally manage to build a creepy vibe.
Finally getting around to this after having it on my watchlist since the 2010s. Jennifer Connelly is the teenager here, the daughter of a famous actor being sent to a boarding school in Switzerland. Besides her tendency to sleepwalk, she has to deal with telepathic powers to control insects. Neither endears her to the students in the school, but that influence over insects comes in handy when she decides to try to solve the strange disappearances of young women in the area. Almost two decades of watching Argento’s films has conditioned me to accept the randomness of his plots. Helping the film is a lot of nice visuals and interesting camerawork. There are many callbacks to his earlier films, especially Suspiria. The heavy metal music, though, feels more than a little out of place.
Saw this when it came out and loved it and I was one of those wonderful people that quoted it all the time for like a year after. Hadn't seen it since. Unfortunately it didn't play great for me this time. I still think the aesthetic is kinda cool but I frankly found Napoleon to be very annoying and unfunny. One thing I think we can all agree on is Jon Gries is a comedic genius, creating legendary characters such as Uncle Rico in this and King Vidiot in Joysticks (1983). He's so funny in this it makes it worth seeing.
ICE CREAM MAN (1995) dir. Norman Apstein (really Paul Norman)
Middle school teenagers (does this qualify) are hunted by a psychotic Clint Howard who uses them as the secret ingredient for his ice cream. Olivia Hussey giving a community theater performance and Jan Michael Vincent basically squinting behind his sunglasses as he tries to remember where to walk and who to look at. You can tell somebody cared an awful lot about this production, but they only had the power to make it awful.
(I choose an early 80s slasher that i hadnt seen with effects by Savini....watched The Prowler..which was fine...but then realized that the film i meant to watch was The Burning which is ALSO an early 80s slasher i hadnt seen with effects by Savini...LOL.....)
The Burning (1981)
Holy cow how have i never seen this one?? It rocks!!! It answers the age old question of "what if we threw Friday the 13th and Meatballs in a blender?". The summer camp setting with its relationships, adolescence, bullys, etc made this funner than just a "whos gonna die next". Also, it features a scene where the killer takes out more than one camper at once which is reallllly jarring and makes you realize that 95% of slashers are always isolating one person vs the killer, i totally loved a different approach here. Greaaaat Junesploitation discovery! (Oh, and naturally, Tom Savini's effects rock)
Wait... so you saw both "The Prowler" and "The Burning"? Or started watching the former, realized your .mistake, then switched to watching the latter? 🥸🧐
I know that the main characters are revealed to be 12, which, technically, means they're not teenagers. But, I had never seen this before and had been wanting to since the death of Rob Reiner, so I hope you'll allow it. Also, there are OTHER teenagers in the movie. I'm not entirely sure why I always thought this was a horror movie. I'm guessing because Stephen King wrote it? Even at this age, River Phoenix was pretty amazing.
Mookie: See my review below, I missed the teenage mark as well. Then again, I'm sure many of the "teens" in the movies others are watching are actually in their 30s! 😄
Nostalgic, goofy, fun and surprisingly touching, Don Coscarelli’s pre-PHANTASM debut is an endearing mid-70s So-Cal coming-of adolescence hang flick that I really enjoyed. It takes place the week of Halloween, and ably illustrates the lives of a suburban pre-teen, his pals, and life in the LA ‘burbs circa 1975. Michael Baldwin, Reggie Bannister, and a few other PHANTASM actors make appearances. Coscarelli even tosses in some spooky stuff and explores questions related to death, foreshadowing his next film. It’s shot on the cheap and the plot is nearly nonexistent, but the kids are fun to spend time with, and I felt invested in the character outcomes. KENNY & COMPANY also captures the era exceedingly well: I could almost picture Dirk Diggler in a hot tub around the corner. Recommended, though I missed the mark on the topic by a year or so.
Weird, my entry yesterday disappeared. I just can’t trust this blogger thing. Anyway, here goes:
Jocks
For an average ‘80s horny teen comedy, this is pretty far below average. There are no real laughs to be had, the leads are bland (including future scourge to sex criminals everywhere Mariska Hargitay, sadly), Donald Gibb (RIP) is doing a tired retread of Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds, and Christopher Lee is completely checked out, probably trying to think of novel ways to murder his agent.
The story, such as it is, involves a group of college tennis players trying to save their team and coach Richard Roundtree’s job. Hijinx, such as they are, ensue. My life, such as it is, grows 91 minutes closer to a meeting with the Reaper. I hope I get bonus points in the afterlife for giving crap like this an honest shot.
Saw your post and thought it was odd that it disappeared so I went in and found it! Got flagged as spam for some reason but should be published again. Sorry about that! Stupid sexy Blogger.
MY SUCKY TEEN ROMANCE (2011) At a horror convention, teens cosplaying as vampires cross paths with actual vampires who’ve infiltrated the place. This is a hangout movie, light on scares and romance, heavy on banter and pop culture gags. It’s all very Kevin Smith-ish. The director is Emily Hagins, who gained fame making indie horror features while in her teens. I looked her up, and she’s in LA now, living the director life. She even made the Netflix movie Coin Heist, which I watched two #Junesploitations ago! Anyway, this might make a decent first-ever horror movie at a shy preteen’s sleepover somewhere, but that’s about it.
30 days of fan films, day 5: SCREAM LEGACY (2022) A new Ghostface shows up in Woodsboro, searching for Sidney Prescott’s long-lost daughter. This one looks good, with some nice production value. (They paid for that drone, they’re gonna use it!) But the dialogue is flat and basic, lacking the wit and humor we expect from Scream at its best. And no meta movie talk, either. Maybe the goal was a realistic and grounded take on Scream, but why?
Saw this opening night and yes, it features teenagers (played by pushing-30 twentysomethings) attending Woodsville High and surrounding our super-old returning legacy characters during parties, crowds, etc. It mostly sticks to remaking 2022's "Scream V" (with a few random scenes from "VI," like the subway train full of horror weirdos) with nods to the Jenna Ortega ("Tuesday") and Melissa Barrera dynamic... before losing interest in these characters because, as one of the legacy characters says (paraphrasing from memory), 'if the studio is going to discard these new bitches for speaking their mind, why waste time building them up? That's screentime better spent on me to ensure l return in the next sequel and keep another paycheck in the family.' Oh, that frugal Wayans family legacy. 😉😁
Short and sweet, this "Scary Movie" reboot isn't as funny as the Wayans-helmed first two or the ZAZ-helmed "SM3." It might be slightly better than "4" but that's debatable (don't remember seeing "5"). There's a reason goofy Ghostface didn't appear in any more "SM" besides the first. Tons of recycled jokes/gags, some (Shawn Wayans barely repressing the gay within at a "Sinners"-type church service) better than others (anything involving Marlon Wayans' Shorty doing drugs 🙄🫣), with some random stuff (a detailed explanation why "It Follows" isn't mainstream enough to be worth making jokes about, "Final Destination" theme park) hitting the mark. I didn't know who the younger celebrities playing themselves were, but l sure recognized Felissa Rose when she popped out of nowhere. 🤩🥰 Loved the "Get Out" parody morphing into a raunchy "K-Pop Demon Hunters" music video, and the reveal at the end of "The Stuff" (aka "The Substance" parody) brought the entire theater into hysterics. It's good, just not OG "Scary Movie" good. 3 CHRIS ELLIOT-AS-LONGLEGS SCENES THAT WENT NOWHERE (out of five).
Was Chris Elliot the only actor from "Scary Movie 2" to return? Every other legacy character was from OG "SM," and all of Chris' scenes in the reboot were filmed/staged separate from the main cast. 🤔🤨
Interesting, this requires further analysis, though I will probably never watch this new one again. I would have cr@pped my pants if James Woods had a cameo.
This was only my second proper Troma movie after The Toxic Avenger. Welcome to Tromaville, "The Toxic Chemical Capital of the World", where the local high school sits right next to a shoddy nuclear plant with even worse safety protocols than the one in Springfield. The hapless students are not only under a constant threat of radiation, but also terrorized daily by a gang of violent, mutated bullies called The Cretins. But the real trouble starts when some of the kids buy a reefer of radioactive weed. Surprisingly awesome makeup and gore effects, slimy monsters, lasers, explosions, and horny teenagers with minimal acting skills in the middle of it all. Cheap, gross, fun.
Bunch of high school students in detention and get over run by a zombie outbreak. Parts of this i liked, good needle drops, nice practical effects, but ultimately just a ho-hum zombie flick. The students are all sterotypical (there's a nerd, a jock, a cheerleader, a goth girl, a stoner ...) and there were a few John Hughesian moments that made me groan. It was fine.
Legend (1985, dir. Ridley Scott) Weird choice, I know, and not really in keeping with the spirit of the day, but I wanted to watch some fantasy that took itself seriously and wasn't constantly undermining itself with self-conscious humor the way another new fantasy film I saw last night does. I went with the theatrical cut because even though it makes no sense it gets by on vibes. Love the Tangerine Dream score.
Between this, The Beach Bum, and Spring Breakers (easily my favorite of the three), I guess I'm a Harmony Korine guy? Do I need to be put on some kind of government watchlist?
It earns its reputation for being provocative, but it succeeds in making things that might seem outrageous on the page feel pretty real on the screen. It's a hangout movie that isn't always fun to hang out with, but too interesting to walk away from (at least for me).
Nitpick: no way that skinny little kid drank that much malt liquor all day and ended up the last person awake.
Bad girl Terry schemes her way to the top of the Rebels. From attacking fellow female members to get noticed to seducing young thug Nino into killing Terrys boyfriend and current leader of the gang. I wasn't to much of a fan of this one, but recommend it anyway, just to hear Lee Dowells - Black Belt or you google that song and save yourself some time.
Teenagers from Outer Space (1959) Spacemen from a lobster planet land on earth, looking for a place to house their enormous murderous lobsters, called fathoms. One spaceman, Derek, takes pity on poor earthlings and tries to save us all from certain death with a cup of melted butter in the side. This was made on an absurdly low budget, largely in Bronson Canyon. I never tire of the spacemen turning their zap guns on people and turning them to skeletons. Contains the immortal line, “You make me angry. I like you very much.”
Hold the fuck up - we had slide phones and Bluetooth at the same time?!
Movie holds up. Just us tense and frustrating knowing every beat. Surprised by how creative the cinematography was. Tubi tried to auto play the remake of I Spit on Your Grave after.. apparently thinks I'm both a deviant AND have awful taste.
Marooned on a southern seas island, the ocean/island setting/cinematography, the sense of adventure was all great. The brother and sister eventually becoming lovers, and titillation of very young flesh felt weird. Not the best fit for the day. I don't think I'll every top Gas Pump Girls.
They may be about pre-teens and not teens but I don’t care. By all rights this perfect movie about a week in the life of junior high kids in the 1970s should be as revered as Dazed and Confused.
Oh, it’s hokey and an after-school special at times and the score is annoyingly repetitive and it probably is objectively a 3.5/5 star movie. But it really does capture what it was like to be a kid in the 70s. And it would make a great counter programming double with OVER THE EDGE.
As a child of both the 70's and 80's (born in '73 😎) this sounds right up my alley. Surprised all this time l thought "Phantasm" was Coscarelli's first movie. 😯
Though best known for his giallo films, it looks like Sergio Martino actually made more s-e-x comedies. This particular one was released under several English titles, with LOVING COUSINS coming closest to the story. Nico is a smart sixteen-year-old-boy in provincial Italy living with a tyrannical father who is a teacher. When his father offers to take in Sonia, Nico’s cousin from Rome, for the summer to tutor her, it does not take long for s-e-x-u-a-l tension to develop between the cousins. Her free thinking ways also cause multiple scandals in the sleepy town. With themes of class, social change, and moral hypocrisy throughout the film, Cugini Carnali offers more than the usual titillation of the Italian s-e-x comedy.
Over the Edge (1979) Good music, and interesting to see a very young Matt Dillon. Really enjoyed it! "A desire to resist oppression is implanted in the nature of man"
Sex Drive (2008) Kind of a ripoff of The Sure Thing. Also kinda dumb, but I liked it more than I probably should have. (maybe thanks to Junesploitation!) Seth Green cracked me up in his limited scenes.
Is this a teen movie? It’s in Teen Movie Hell, so good enough.
Father Michael McClaren (Sam Bottoms) is what we call a cool priest. Sure, he teaches college in Florida, but he plays basketball, rides a motorcycle and is popular with the kids. The church wants him to debate former priest C.A. Thomas (Robert Lansing, 4D Man, Island Claws, Scalpel), who has written a novel claiming that man created God, on the Dick Cavett Show. Yes, this is a teen sex comedy — well, it’s closer to a relationship drama, but the poster wants you to think it’s a sex comedy — in which Dick Cavett shows up.
This would all be normal except for two things.
One, it’s not that crazy that a girl named September Lane (Renee Coleman) falls in love with Father Michael. You may know her as left fielder Alice Gaspers from A League of Their Own and the evil leaper Alia on Quantum Leap. Or perhaps as the kidnap victim John Candy is trying to save in Who’s Harry Crumb? Man, her IMDb is awesome, because it contains this: “In 1995, Coleman left the film business and returned to school, where she earned her Mythological Studies doctorate (with an emphasis on Depth Psychology) at Pacifica Graduate Institute in 2002. She currently lives with her husband and their four children in Santa Clarita, California, where she works in a private practice as a certified DreamTender.”
The second thing that makes this strange is that, every once in a while, this movie goes back to caveman times, complete with naked women. That’s why this was originally titled Return to Eden. However, those parts really have next to nothing to do with the rest of the movie.
When Thomas and Father Michael do finally debate with Dick Cavett, Thomas wins, saying that every man has to find his own God. So Michael goes off to look up September, and they turn into naked cave people. The end. Really, that’s how it ends.
Things happen in this movie that make no sense, even more than you’d expect, like a priest randomly being into aerobics, September falling for the holy man, and him saying he loves her. Why? She’s moody and constantly argues with him. I mean, that’s almost every woman I’ve dated, so I think I answered my own question.
This was the first role for Sherrie Rose, who would go on to be in movies like Killer Crocodile, Cy Warrior, American Rickshaw and Guns & Lipstick (which has a totally amazing cast of Sally Kellerman, Jorge Rivero, Wings Hauser, James Hong, Sonny Landham, Joe Estvez, Robert Forster, Cassie Yates and girls-only adult star Felicia). Plus, Page Hannah appears, and she’d go on to be a victim of the oil slick in Creepshow 2.
After School was directed by William Olsen, who also made Rockin’ Road Trip, Getting It On, Southern Belles and Mastering the Theremin. This had four writers: Hugh Parks (the director of Shakma!), Joe Tankersley, John Lind and Rod McBrien, who wrote the music for the movie Club Fed, which I must have cast, as it stars Burt Young, Judy Landers, Sherman Hemsley, Karen Black, Mary Woronov, Lyle Alzado, Wally George, Dee “Queen Kong/Matilda the Hun” Booher, Lance “Proctor” Kinsey and Debbie Lee Carrington.
'ULTERIOR-MOTIVE SCIENTIST/DOCTOR MAKES DIFFICULT SITUATION WORSE' TRIPLE PLAY!
ReplyDelete022.- THE NEW MUTANTS (2020, FX MOVIES). Streaming on DISNEY+.
Four teenagers with still-developing mutant abilities are held against their will at a medical facility led by a mutant scientist (Alice Braga's Doctor Reyes) to teach them how to control their superpowers. The arrival of a fifth orphan teen, Dani Moonstar (Blu Hunt), triggers something in the group that gradually turns them against each other before they decide to work together to defeat a common enemy... besides you-know-who. An "X-Men" spinoff made on the cheap, "The New Mutants" was already a notorious troubled production before Disney's purchase of Fox and the COVID-19 pandemic put it out of its/our misery. A young Anya Taylor-Joy and blink-and-you'll-miss-him Adam Beach deliver the best performances, but co-writer/director Josh Boone has limited resources to try and pull off a 'PG-13' superhero action/horror hybrid that never quite gels together. Fans of "X-Men" comic book lore will recognize a few characters and story callbacks, but most average viewers can feel how empty the creative tank was when Fox suits greenlit this flick. 2 CHURCH STEEPLES FULL OF OSHA VIOLATIONS (out of five).
023.- I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF (1957, YOUTUBE)
ReplyDeleteQuick-to-anger high school student Tony Rivers (played by then-21-year-old Michael Landon) has a short fuse and outbursts of violence that threaten his relationship with girlfriend Arlene (Yvonne Lime), his clique of friends (rock-n-roll parties after school) and his freedom due to local cops eyeing him as a potential criminal. With the right mental health treatment Tony could have been helped, but Dr. Alfred Brandon (a hammy Whit Bissell) is only interested in bringing out the animalistic regression buried beneath Tony's subconscious via a combination of serum and hypnotherapy. Played straight by an earnest cast and made with minimal artistic flourishes by a workmanlike 50's crew, "I Was A Teenage Werewolf" feels more like a tragedy than a drive-in creature feature. The make-up is 'meh,' the resolution at the end feels rushed, and you know if this didn't have its catchy title and Michael Landon as the lead, it would have been completely forgotten by now. A decent way to kill 75 minutes without having much to show for it. 3 GYMNASTIC PARALLEL BARS (out of five).
024.- DEAD KIDS, aka STRANGE BEHAVIOR (1981, INDICATOR 4K UHD). Streaming on ROKU CHANNEL, PLEX, FAWESOME.
ReplyDeleteAn Australian horror movie shot in New Zealand trying to pass as being made/set in the USA (featuring recognizable actors like Michael Murphy, Marc McClure and Louise Fletcher in prominent roles), "Dead Kids" (released in the States as "Strange Behavior" with a couple of minutes removed) is an odd duck in that mood/atmosphere of dread in small town America are better calling cards than its handful of slasher-type killings perpetrated by normal high school students. The restored-in-4K widescreen transfer in Indicator's release makes the cinematography shine. Except for a memorable attack at a dress-up party the violence feels restrained for '81, though the gradual reveal of Dr. Le Sange (Arthur Dignam) as inspiration for college study shenanigans pays off at the end. 'It's fine.' 3 COCA-COLA SIGNS EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK (out of five).
BONUS: 30 DAYS OF PINK PANTHER & FRIENDS, DAY 5!
Delete025.- THE PINK PANTHER: PINKFINGER (5/15/65, DVD). Available to stream on YOUTUBE.
An offscreen narrator (Paul Frees) eggs the Pink Panther to become a secret agent (complete with raincoat/hat similar to Inspector Clouseau's) and bust criminals and secret agents plotting terrorist activities on the city. An obvious riff on "Goldfinger," "Pinkfinger" alternates between the Panther beating the bad guys at their spy game while also being the butt of the narrative's jokes/gags. It's a rare instance of a P.P. cartoon using on/offscreen voices to interact with the always mute Panther. 4 BANANA PEELS ON A BUILDING BALCONY (out of five).
Alison's Birthday (1981, dir. Ian Coughlan)
ReplyDelete16-year-old Alison and two of her friends play with a makeshift Ouija board, which gives Alison a warning not to go to her 19th birthday party or she will be in danger. Fast forward two and a half years, Alison lives in another town but her family insists she come home for her birthday. Could there be something sinister going on? Yes.
An Aussie folk horror that really takes its time and the mystery here isn't very mysterious, but I liked how it ended and the cinematography and sound occasionally manage to build a creepy vibe.
PHENOMENA (1985, dir. Dario Argento)
ReplyDeleteFinally getting around to this after having it on my watchlist since the 2010s. Jennifer Connelly is the teenager here, the daughter of a famous actor being sent to a boarding school in Switzerland. Besides her tendency to sleepwalk, she has to deal with telepathic powers to control insects. Neither endears her to the students in the school, but that influence over insects comes in handy when she decides to try to solve the strange disappearances of young women in the area. Almost two decades of watching Argento’s films has conditioned me to accept the randomness of his plots. Helping the film is a lot of nice visuals and interesting camerawork. There are many callbacks to his earlier films, especially Suspiria. The heavy metal music, though, feels more than a little out of place.
Napoleon Dynamite (2004, dir. Jared Hess)
ReplyDeleteSaw this when it came out and loved it and I was one of those wonderful people that quoted it all the time for like a year after. Hadn't seen it since. Unfortunately it didn't play great for me this time. I still think the aesthetic is kinda cool but I frankly found Napoleon to be very annoying and unfunny. One thing I think we can all agree on is Jon Gries is a comedic genius, creating legendary characters such as Uncle Rico in this and King Vidiot in Joysticks (1983). He's so funny in this it makes it worth seeing.
ICE CREAM MAN (1995) dir. Norman Apstein (really Paul Norman)
ReplyDeleteMiddle school teenagers (does this qualify) are hunted by a psychotic Clint Howard who uses them as the secret ingredient for his ice cream. Olivia Hussey giving a community theater performance and Jan Michael Vincent basically squinting behind his sunglasses as he tries to remember where to walk and who to look at. You can tell somebody cared an awful lot about this production, but they only had the power to make it awful.
Eli Roth has remade this, gonna be released later this year: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuKUMxvwyeM
DeleteOooh, i saw a remake was coming but I didn't realize it was Eli Roth.
Delete(I choose an early 80s slasher that i hadnt seen with effects by Savini....watched The Prowler..which was fine...but then realized that the film i meant to watch was The Burning which is ALSO an early 80s slasher i hadnt seen with effects by Savini...LOL.....)
ReplyDeleteThe Burning (1981)
Holy cow how have i never seen this one?? It rocks!!! It answers the age old question of "what if we threw Friday the 13th and Meatballs in a blender?". The summer camp setting with its relationships, adolescence, bullys, etc made this funner than just a "whos gonna die next". Also, it features a scene where the killer takes out more than one camper at once which is reallllly jarring and makes you realize that 95% of slashers are always isolating one person vs the killer, i totally loved a different approach here. Greaaaat Junesploitation discovery! (Oh, and naturally, Tom Savini's effects rock)
Wait... so you saw both "The Prowler" and "The Burning"? Or started watching the former, realized your .mistake, then switched to watching the latter? 🥸🧐
Deleteboth!
DeleteThen you owe us a review of "The Prowler," since you've seen it already. 🤓 Maybe on Sunday's Free Space! Day? 😀
DeleteAu Revoir les Enfants (1987):
ReplyDeleteThe only things worse than Nazis are teenage boys.
Stand By Me (1986)
ReplyDeleteI know that the main characters are revealed to be 12, which, technically, means they're not teenagers. But, I had never seen this before and had been wanting to since the death of Rob Reiner, so I hope you'll allow it. Also, there are OTHER teenagers in the movie. I'm not entirely sure why I always thought this was a horror movie. I'm guessing because Stephen King wrote it? Even at this age, River Phoenix was pretty amazing.
Mookie: See my review below, I missed the teenage mark as well. Then again, I'm sure many of the "teens" in the movies others are watching are actually in their 30s! 😄
DeleteKENNY & COMPANY (1976, Don Coscarelli)
ReplyDeleteNostalgic, goofy, fun and surprisingly touching, Don Coscarelli’s pre-PHANTASM debut is an endearing mid-70s So-Cal coming-of adolescence hang flick that I really enjoyed. It takes place the week of Halloween, and ably illustrates the lives of a suburban pre-teen, his pals, and life in the LA ‘burbs circa 1975. Michael Baldwin, Reggie Bannister, and a few other PHANTASM actors make appearances. Coscarelli even tosses in some spooky stuff and explores questions related to death, foreshadowing his next film. It’s shot on the cheap and the plot is nearly nonexistent, but the kids are fun to spend time with, and I felt invested in the character outcomes. KENNY & COMPANY also captures the era exceedingly well: I could almost picture Dirk Diggler in a hot tub around the corner. Recommended, though I missed the mark on the topic by a year or so.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteWeird, my entry yesterday disappeared. I just can’t trust this blogger thing. Anyway, here goes:
ReplyDeleteJocks
For an average ‘80s horny teen comedy, this is pretty far below average. There are no real laughs to be had, the leads are bland (including future scourge to sex criminals everywhere Mariska Hargitay, sadly), Donald Gibb (RIP) is doing a tired retread of Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds, and Christopher Lee is completely checked out, probably trying to think of novel ways to murder his agent.
The story, such as it is, involves a group of college tennis players trying to save their team and coach Richard Roundtree’s job. Hijinx, such as they are, ensue. My life, such as it is, grows 91 minutes closer to a meeting with the Reaper. I hope I get bonus points in the afterlife for giving crap like this an honest shot.
Saw your post and thought it was odd that it disappeared so I went in and found it! Got flagged as spam for some reason but should be published again. Sorry about that! Stupid sexy Blogger.
DeleteWeird that it got flagged as spam. Maybe it’s because I’m a Nigerian prince who needs you to hold 2 million USD in your account for me…
DeleteMY SUCKY TEEN ROMANCE (2011)
ReplyDeleteAt a horror convention, teens cosplaying as vampires cross paths with actual vampires who’ve infiltrated the place. This is a hangout movie, light on scares and romance, heavy on banter and pop culture gags. It’s all very Kevin Smith-ish. The director is Emily Hagins, who gained fame making indie horror features while in her teens. I looked her up, and she’s in LA now, living the director life. She even made the Netflix movie Coin Heist, which I watched two #Junesploitations ago! Anyway, this might make a decent first-ever horror movie at a shy preteen’s sleepover somewhere, but that’s about it.
30 days of fan films, day 5: SCREAM LEGACY (2022)
A new Ghostface shows up in Woodsboro, searching for Sidney Prescott’s long-lost daughter. This one looks good, with some nice production value. (They paid for that drone, they’re gonna use it!) But the dialogue is flat and basic, lacking the wit and humor we expect from Scream at its best. And no meta movie talk, either. Maybe the goal was a realistic and grounded take on Scream, but why?
026: SCARY MOVIE (2026, AMC DOLBY CINEMA)
ReplyDeleteSaw this opening night and yes, it features teenagers (played by pushing-30 twentysomethings) attending Woodsville High and surrounding our super-old returning legacy characters during parties, crowds, etc. It mostly sticks to remaking 2022's "Scream V" (with a few random scenes from "VI," like the subway train full of horror weirdos) with nods to the Jenna Ortega ("Tuesday") and Melissa Barrera dynamic... before losing interest in these characters because, as one of the legacy characters says (paraphrasing from memory), 'if the studio is going to discard these new bitches for speaking their mind, why waste time building them up? That's screentime better spent on me to ensure l return in the next sequel and keep another paycheck in the family.' Oh, that frugal Wayans family legacy. 😉😁
Short and sweet, this "Scary Movie" reboot isn't as funny as the Wayans-helmed first two or the ZAZ-helmed "SM3." It might be slightly better than "4" but that's debatable (don't remember seeing "5"). There's a reason goofy Ghostface didn't appear in any more "SM" besides the first. Tons of recycled jokes/gags, some (Shawn Wayans barely repressing the gay within at a "Sinners"-type church service) better than others (anything involving Marlon Wayans' Shorty doing drugs 🙄🫣), with some random stuff (a detailed explanation why "It Follows" isn't mainstream enough to be worth making jokes about, "Final Destination" theme park) hitting the mark. I didn't know who the younger celebrities playing themselves were, but l sure recognized Felissa Rose when she popped out of nowhere. 🤩🥰 Loved the "Get Out" parody morphing into a raunchy "K-Pop Demon Hunters" music video, and the reveal at the end of "The Stuff" (aka "The Substance" parody) brought the entire theater into hysterics. It's good, just not OG "Scary Movie" good. 3 CHRIS ELLIOT-AS-LONGLEGS SCENES THAT WENT NOWHERE (out of five).
Chris Elliot was one of the highlights for me.
DeleteWas Chris Elliot the only actor from "Scary Movie 2" to return? Every other legacy character was from OG "SM," and all of Chris' scenes in the reboot were filmed/staged separate from the main cast. 🤔🤨
DeleteInteresting, this requires further analysis, though I will probably never watch this new one again. I would have cr@pped my pants if James Woods had a cameo.
DeleteAnd Andy Richter is in "Obsession," so he ended up in top. 😎
DeleteClass of Nuke 'Em High (1986)
ReplyDeleteThis was only my second proper Troma movie after The Toxic Avenger. Welcome to Tromaville, "The Toxic Chemical Capital of the World", where the local high school sits right next to a shoddy nuclear plant with even worse safety protocols than the one in Springfield. The hapless students are not only under a constant threat of radiation, but also terrorized daily by a gang of violent, mutated bullies called The Cretins. But the real trouble starts when some of the kids buy a reefer of radioactive weed. Surprisingly awesome makeup and gore effects, slimy monsters, lasers, explosions, and horny teenagers with minimal acting skills in the middle of it all. Cheap, gross, fun.
I seem to have the same problem as JP above. My post keeps disappearing. Hope it sticks this time.
DeleteSome are bouncing to spam for some reason so I've been going in and approving them when I notice it. I don't understand it at all. Sorry about that.
DeleteNo worries, I know people here had problems with Blogger for years, guess it's my turn now.
DeleteI had some get dropped for Linda Blair day, only reason I can think of is I used the word "er0tic". Not that big of a deal
DeleteDetention of the Dead (2012)
ReplyDeleteBunch of high school students in detention and get over run by a zombie outbreak. Parts of this i liked, good needle drops, nice practical effects, but ultimately just a ho-hum zombie flick. The students are all sterotypical (there's a nerd, a jock, a cheerleader, a goth girl, a stoner ...) and there were a few John Hughesian moments that made me groan. It was fine.
Legend (1985, dir. Ridley Scott)
ReplyDeleteWeird choice, I know, and not really in keeping with the spirit of the day, but I wanted to watch some fantasy that took itself seriously and wasn't constantly undermining itself with self-conscious humor the way another new fantasy film I saw last night does. I went with the theatrical cut because even though it makes no sense it gets by on vibes. Love the Tangerine Dream score.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows (2016) dir. Dave Green
ReplyDeleteFor Adam.
Iron Eagle (1986) dir. Sidney J. Furie
ReplyDeleteIn 1986 our parents had Top Gun, we had Iron Eagle.
Kids (1995)
ReplyDeleteBetween this, The Beach Bum, and Spring Breakers (easily my favorite of the three), I guess I'm a Harmony Korine guy? Do I need to be put on some kind of government watchlist?
It earns its reputation for being provocative, but it succeeds in making things that might seem outrageous on the page feel pretty real on the screen. It's a hangout movie that isn't always fun to hang out with, but too interesting to walk away from (at least for me).
Nitpick: no way that skinny little kid drank that much malt liquor all day and ended up the last person awake.
Teenage Gang Debs(1966 Dir Sande N. Johnsen)
ReplyDeleteBad girl Terry schemes her way to the top of the Rebels. From attacking fellow female members to get noticed to seducing young thug Nino into killing Terrys boyfriend and current leader of the gang. I wasn't to much of a fan of this one, but recommend it anyway, just to hear Lee Dowells - Black Belt or you google that song and save yourself some time.
Teenagers from Outer Space (1959)
ReplyDeleteSpacemen from a lobster planet land on earth, looking for a place to house their enormous murderous lobsters, called fathoms. One spaceman, Derek, takes pity on poor earthlings and tries to save us all from certain death with a cup of melted butter in the side. This was made on an absurdly low budget, largely in Bronson Canyon. I never tire of the spacemen turning their zap guns on people and turning them to skeletons. Contains the immortal line, “You make me angry. I like you very much.”
A fave! Also one of the best MST3K episodes ever!
DeleteYep, top-10 of all time "MST3K" experiment. 🤓
DeleteThe giant lobsters are called “gargons.” Damn auto-correct.
ReplyDeleteEden Lake (2008)
ReplyDeleteHold the fuck up - we had slide phones and Bluetooth at the same time?!
Movie holds up. Just us tense and frustrating knowing every beat. Surprised by how creative the cinematography was. Tubi tried to auto play the remake of I Spit on Your Grave after.. apparently thinks I'm both a deviant AND have awful taste.
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017)
ReplyDeleteA group of teenagers get sucked into Jumanji, which is now a video game!
I wanted something fun and easy for tonight and this fit the bill. I had a good time, plenty of laughs, and the video game logic was on point.
Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991)
ReplyDeleteMarooned on a southern seas island, the ocean/island setting/cinematography, the sense of adventure was all great. The brother and sister eventually becoming lovers, and titillation of very young flesh felt weird. Not the best fit for the day. I don't think I'll every top Gas Pump Girls.
KENNY & COMPANY (1976) dir. Don Coscarelli
ReplyDeleteThey may be about pre-teens and not teens but I don’t care.
By all rights this perfect movie about a week in the life of junior high kids in the 1970s should be as revered as Dazed and Confused.
Between your and zillagord's review now I'm convinced there's something here worth seeing. 😃🤠
DeleteOh, it’s hokey and an after-school special at times and the score is annoyingly repetitive and it probably is objectively a 3.5/5 star movie. But it really does capture what it was like to be a kid in the 70s. And it would make a great counter programming double with OVER THE EDGE.
DeleteAs a child of both the 70's and 80's (born in '73 😎) this sounds right up my alley. Surprised all this time l thought "Phantasm" was Coscarelli's first movie. 😯
DeleteI really enjoyed this one-- its warmth and charm are sticking with me a day later.
DeleteCUGINI CARNALI (1974, dir. Sergio Martino)
ReplyDeleteThough best known for his giallo films, it looks like Sergio Martino actually made more s-e-x comedies. This particular one was released under several English titles, with LOVING COUSINS coming closest to the story. Nico is a smart sixteen-year-old-boy in provincial Italy living with a tyrannical father who is a teacher. When his father offers to take in Sonia, Nico’s cousin from Rome, for the summer to tutor her, it does not take long for s-e-x-u-a-l tension to develop between the cousins. Her free thinking ways also cause multiple scandals in the sleepy town. With themes of class, social change, and moral hypocrisy throughout the film, Cugini Carnali offers more than the usual titillation of the Italian s-e-x comedy.
Over the Edge (1979)
ReplyDeleteGood music, and interesting to see a very young Matt Dillon. Really enjoyed it!
"A desire to resist oppression is implanted in the nature of man"
Sex Drive (2008)
Kind of a ripoff of The Sure Thing. Also kinda dumb, but I liked it more than I probably should have. (maybe thanks to Junesploitation!) Seth Green cracked me up in his limited scenes.
Sometimes June can a make a film more enjoyable.
DeleteAfter School (1988)
ReplyDeleteIs this a teen movie? It’s in Teen Movie Hell, so good enough.
Father Michael McClaren (Sam Bottoms) is what we call a cool priest. Sure, he teaches college in Florida, but he plays basketball, rides a motorcycle and is popular with the kids. The church wants him to debate former priest C.A. Thomas (Robert Lansing, 4D Man, Island Claws, Scalpel), who has written a novel claiming that man created God, on the Dick Cavett Show. Yes, this is a teen sex comedy — well, it’s closer to a relationship drama, but the poster wants you to think it’s a sex comedy — in which Dick Cavett shows up.
This would all be normal except for two things.
One, it’s not that crazy that a girl named September Lane (Renee Coleman) falls in love with Father Michael. You may know her as left fielder Alice Gaspers from A League of Their Own and the evil leaper Alia on Quantum Leap. Or perhaps as the kidnap victim John Candy is trying to save in Who’s Harry Crumb? Man, her IMDb is awesome, because it contains this: “In 1995, Coleman left the film business and returned to school, where she earned her Mythological Studies doctorate (with an emphasis on Depth Psychology) at Pacifica Graduate Institute in 2002. She currently lives with her husband and their four children in Santa Clarita, California, where she works in a private practice as a certified DreamTender.”
The second thing that makes this strange is that, every once in a while, this movie goes back to caveman times, complete with naked women. That’s why this was originally titled Return to Eden. However, those parts really have next to nothing to do with the rest of the movie.
When Thomas and Father Michael do finally debate with Dick Cavett, Thomas wins, saying that every man has to find his own God. So Michael goes off to look up September, and they turn into naked cave people. The end. Really, that’s how it ends.
Things happen in this movie that make no sense, even more than you’d expect, like a priest randomly being into aerobics, September falling for the holy man, and him saying he loves her. Why? She’s moody and constantly argues with him. I mean, that’s almost every woman I’ve dated, so I think I answered my own question.
This was the first role for Sherrie Rose, who would go on to be in movies like Killer Crocodile, Cy Warrior, American Rickshaw and Guns & Lipstick (which has a totally amazing cast of Sally Kellerman, Jorge Rivero, Wings Hauser, James Hong, Sonny Landham, Joe Estvez, Robert Forster, Cassie Yates and girls-only adult star Felicia). Plus, Page Hannah appears, and she’d go on to be a victim of the oil slick in Creepshow 2.
After School was directed by William Olsen, who also made Rockin’ Road Trip, Getting It On, Southern Belles and Mastering the Theremin. This had four writers: Hugh Parks (the director of Shakma!), Joe Tankersley, John Lind and Rod McBrien, who wrote the music for the movie Club Fed, which I must have cast, as it stars Burt Young, Judy Landers, Sherman Hemsley, Karen Black, Mary Woronov, Lyle Alzado, Wally George, Dee “Queen Kong/Matilda the Hun” Booher, Lance “Proctor” Kinsey and Debbie Lee Carrington.
I was not ready for this movie.