In late May my boss Frank invited me to lunch at work. He really likes movies, so I explained to him what Junesploitation! is and showed Frank the daily categories. He made some suggestions, and one of them was "The Three Musketeers" starring Gene Kelly. 'Gene Kelly starred in a "Musketeers" movie? I had no idea,' I said. 'Not only did he star in one,' Frank replied, 'it's the best "Musketeers" adaptation ever put to film.' So off to TCM streaming from DirectTV I went. Directed by George Sidney ("Show Boat," "Ziegfeld Follies," etc.), this Technicolor swashbuckler started strong and just kept getting better. Though Lara Turner gets top billing (and earns it during the 2nd half) this is Gene Kelly's movie from frame one. Kelly's dance training came in handy when his D'Argtanan character (whose resemblance to Errol Flynn isn't a coincidence) springs/jumps around during numerous sword fights. And whether it's near a beach, palatial castles, public parks or the many inns they stay at, the brawls with Richelieu's men are constant and furious. It's a little over two hours, but this '48 "Musketeers" goes by fast and never outstays its welcome.
Even better, unlike most latter "Musketeers" movie adaptations concentrating on the first half of Alexandre Dumas' novel, this one squeezes in the whole book. And it's in the latter half that Lana Turner's Lady de Winter quietly steals the show. Her past with Athos (Vance Heflin, whose couple of scenes recounting his relationship with de Winter are emotional acting highlights), her cunning resourcefulness seducing D'Argtanan and The Duke of Buckingham (John Sutton), and manipulation of kind-hearted Constance (June Allyson) are exquisitely evil. Who knew Angela Lansbury (as Queen Anne) was such a hottie, or that Vincent Price made Richelieu such a fun villain? I came into this "Three Musketeers" adaptation a skeptic, and came out a big fan. Thanks, Frank. 😁👍5 INNS WITH CONVENIENT VENTILATION TO HEAR THE BAD GUYS' PLANS (out of five).
'BIG 'SPLOSIONS' TWOFER! 035.- THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT (1996, ARROW 4K UHD)
Too bad Geena Davis stopped making action movies after this one. Yes, her and hubby Renny Harlin's "Cutthroat Island" was a mid-90's studio-bankrupting disaster. But follow-up "The Long Kiss Goodnight" had a more solid foundation (a Shane Black script thick with outrageous action scenes and witty dialogue), better supporting cast (post-"Pulp Fiction" Samuel L. Jackson firing on all cylinders, Brian Cox, Patrick Malahide, Craig Bierko chewing scenery, etc.) and 90's New Line Cinema production values. And if you want big 'splosions they don't come bigger than the bridge blowing up at the end of this movie, a combination of miniatures and real-life pyro (cars on fire dropping from above) that blew my mind in '96 and are mighty pretty to watch (and rewatch, and rewind to watch again in slow motion 🤓) in Arrow's pristine 4K transfer. Physics-defying jumps/explosions and car/trailer wrecks notwithstanding, "TLKG" just plain rules. 4.25 SAMANTHA CAINE NIGHTMARE MIRRORS (out of five).
This was a Junesploitation watch for me from early in this decade. Time does fly. It was funny to see my home area (The Poconos) as the setting, though I remember reading that the film was shot in Canada. I go to Stroudsburg all the time. The town of Honesdale, about an hour north from here, was the inspiration for the Christmas song "Let It Snow".
Wow. I thought Tommy Lee Jones' over-the-top performance as Harvey Two-Face in 1995's "Batman Forever" was either him trying to keep up with Jim Carrey's Riddler or bad direction from Joel Schumacher. But Scott Hopkins' action thriller "Blown Away" (released a year prior) shows that TLJ was already hamming it up big time. Escaped-from-Irish-island-prison IRA bomber Ryan Gaerity (OMG, TML's Irish accent! 😳🥵) is in Boston seeking revenge against former-ally-that-turned-against-him James Dove (Jeff Bridges, not even trying to fake a faint trace of an Irish accent). Things start blowing up spectacularly big as Gaerity targets Dove's Boston P.D. brothers with tricky detonation devices that the latter's bomb squad colleagues aren't prepared for. A relatively stacked cast (Suzy Amis, Forest Whitaker, John Finn, Lloyd Bridges, etc.) is mostly background fodder for the inevitable face-off between Bridges and Jones. Pyro ramps up nicely, leading to the final 'splosion of an abandoned boat that had to break a few records and nearby windows... that fireball is gigantic! 😰🫣
4 ACCIDENTAL CAMEOS BY JOHN WILLIAMS IN ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE CONDUCTING BOSTON POPS ON THE 4TH OF JULY (out of five). Seriously, fast-forward to 1:42:15 on the Kino disc... that's John Williams center left! 😍😁
Was gonna rent this on Amazon for $3.99, but it was on sale as a $4.99 digital purchase... I HAD NO CHOICE! 😉😅 Seriously though, I'd never seen "Encino Man" before and was expecting to at the very least enjoy young Brendan Fraser pulling the savage-in-an-advanced-world, 'babe in the woods' routine while getting by on his good looks. What I wasn't expecting was falling in love with Pauly Shore's performance as Sean Astin's bestie, who starts annoying (because he's Pauly freakin' Shore) but by the end of the movie has shown more common sense, more heart, better reasoning and a truer friendship with 'Link' (Fraser) than top-billed Samwise Gamgee. Yes, it's early 90's as eff (so many fashion/learning montages, Richard Masur and Mariette Hartley as clueless parents, Michael DeLuise as a bully, etc.) and soaked in SoCal culture. Like "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure," though, it's a smarter comedy than it appears to be, one where the character growth of Link and Stoney (Shore) ultimately overshadows Dave (Astin) pursuing the affections of the chick he's after. I so wish we had gotten an "Encino Chick" sequel based on this one's final scene. 😃🥸 3.5 RICK DUCOMMUN BACKSTORY-APPROPRIATE MUSEUM FIELD TRIPS (out of five).
VALENTINA THE VIRGIN WIFE (1975, dir. Marino Girolami)
The Italian title is LA MOGLIE VERGINE.
Edwige Fenech was the queen of Italian s-e-x comedy in the 1970s. This is one of her films that I missed when I did a deep dive into the genre many years ago. In Valentina, Fenech portrays the newlywed spouse of a man having certain s-e-x-u-a-l issues. The farcical nature of Italian sex comedy comes into play early as the family gets involved in trying to resolve the couple’s problems, which tends to only makes matters worse. There are plenty of h-o-r-n-y scenes spread throughout the film. VALENTINA is middle-of-the-road as far as these kind of films go, but Fenech makes anything she is in better.
Being an Italian genre fan in general, my standards can shift very low, which is necessary to watch many of these la commedia sexy all'Italiana films. I also had to watch most of them in Italian without subtitles - mainly on Youtube back in the day - figuring out the situations from my limited Italian and the visuals. And plot summaries online. Being a Bud Spencer fan, Mikko, you probably saw at least a few movies with no subtitles just to be able to watch them.
Edwige's films are probably the best ones to test out a tolerance of the genre. Wife on Vacation... Lover in Town (with Barbara Bouchet); The Inconsolable Widow Thanks Those Who Console Her (La Vedova Inconsolabile); La Pretora (directed by Lucio Fulci).
The male characters tend to be pigs, and there frequently is a leering tone to the n-u-d-i-t-y. A lot of v-o-y-e-u-r-i-s-t-i-c scenarios happen. The lead male characters also tend to be middle-aged types who do not match the general standard of male attractiveness. A '70s thing, I guess? Typical of Italian genre cinema, the same guys kept showing up in the movies, too.
Fortunately for me, Spencer/Hill movies (and some of their solo efforts) are pretty well known in Finland, so they're easily available on disc with Finnish subs (and usually English dubs).
Mikko- I watched Ubalda, All Naked and Warm (1972) last year, and it was very goofy/slapstick. I wasn't really into that, and Fenech could have been featured more. So I guess that's a warning, unless you really like that kind of comedy :)
There was a small wave of medieval period comedies like UBALDA in the early 1970s. The Italian producers did not find a trend that they did not beat to death, after all. I find those films tend to be some of the most difficult ones to sit through. The broad humor is very dated.
James Kondelik's previous directorial work ("Airplane vs. Volcano," "Dam Sharks") couldn't have prepared me for "Pitfall" punching slightly above its survivalist horror weight. A hulking, menacing hunter (Randy Couture) threatens, plays with and ultimately goes after campers lost in a dense forest. "Pitfall" periodically cuts to two random girls lost in the woods (!), the main group of ill-matched friends (think "Cabin in the Woods" stereotypes) and separated-from-the-pack Scott (Marshall Williams) impaled at the bottom of a spike-filled pit trying to free himself. Flashbacks to the damaged relationship between Scott and his sister (including an incoming car crash telegraphed so far in advance my theater audience got testy and openly mocked what should have been a tragic moment), plus Scott imagining his alter ego torturing him, make us sympathize with these characters more than your typical cannon fodder slasher victims. Gore/violence is infrequent and sporadic, but when it comes it's the graphic type that lingers and doesn't cut away (because no 'R' rating restrictions). Wish "Pitfall" was shorter than 108 minutes, but it's that long because it at least tries to make us care for the human characters about to be 'Coutured.' 'It's fine.'3 BEAR MACE CANS (out of five).
A torture p@rn endurance test, "Corporate Retreat" at least has Alan Ruck hamming it up as the fired founder of a successful upstart company that gets revenge on the young executives that conspired to oust him. Rosanna Arquette gets third billing for minutes of on-screen sulking before her character is dispatched very early on (lucky her). Locked in a SoCal luxury building with armed cult followers (Zión Moreno stands out) willing/eager to pull the trigger, Ruck's Arthur pushes body-mutilating challenges on the remaining survivors to move on to the next level of enlightment/challenge. No 'R' rating equals graphic body horror galore, which loses its impact after the 3rd or 4th time someone removes their left eyeball with the same bloody spoon. 🤢🤮Not even final girl Odeya Rush (who wasn't even supposed to be there) is immune to the horror. Should have rewatched "Backrooms" or "Obsession" instead. 1.75 CHEKHOV'S LOADED GUNS UNDER THE INFINITY POOL OUTDOOR SOFA (out of five).
Forgotten COVID effort from Paul WS Anderson. Mila Jovovich is Action Woman, who goes through a time portal and wakes up on Arrakis. Meets up with Turok: Dinosaur Hunter and battles dragons. A true #Junesploitation special.
BONUS: 30 DAYS OF PINK PANTHER & FRIENDS, DAY 7! 040.- THE PINK PANTHER: PINK, PLUNK, PLINK (5/25/1966, DVD). Available to stream on YOUTUBE.
Since I gave The Inspector cartoon the three-way treatment yesterday, turnabout is fair play for The Pink Panther... especially since we have two live-action movie reviews coming up in the chronology. 🧐🙄 "Pink, Plunk, Plink" has the Panther crashing the Hollywood Bowl to try to perform variations of his theme song during a performance of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. Naturally The Little Man conductor's having none of it. Worth seeing for the end of the cartoon featuring a video cameo by Henry Mancini. 🤓🤩4.5 ROCKET-STRAPPED CONDUCTOR BATONS (out of five).
041.- THE PINK PANTHER: JET PINK (6/13/1967, DVD). Available to stream on YOUTUBE.
The Pink Panther wants to become a famous pilot (most of the cartoons feature the same motivation), so he hops aboard the experimental X-13 propulsion jet and starts pushing buttons. This is the first cartoon in this series I remembered liking, but the actual tune is really bad. The Panther doesn't do much and he's mostly reactive to the plane flying itself. Somehow he can wave his arms fast-enough to fly after the X-13 jet after he's ejected from it... WHAT?! 😧🫣2.25 CITY CIVILIANS RUNNING FOR COVER (out of five).
042.- THE PINK PANTHER: PSYCHEDELIC PINK (3/13/1968, DVD). Available to stream on YOUTUBE.
Most of these DePatie-Freleng Enterprises cartoons (Pink Panther or The Inspector) mirror or copy the plots/gags from the classics (Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry, etc.) their creators worked on in previous decades. "Psychedelic Pink" is one of the few that dabbles in the 60's youth counterculture. Even the usually flat opening credits have optical distortion effects and bongo drums added to the theme song. The Panther enters a 'Psychedelic Library' with a hypnotizing eye for a door. All sorts of crazy shit happens: a loose 'F' letter becomes a shotgun, ladders spring out of suitcases, playing hole with the dot above 'J,' a broken books gets rushed to an ER operating room, etc. In a sea of traditional animated settings/scenarios, this little gem stands out. 4.65 EUREKA! THOUGHT BUBBLE LIGHT BULBS ON A LAMP (out of five).
In the 1800s a mountain man (Chuck Norris) is gunned down by bandits in the woods. As his body rests in a mystical glade, a forest spirit resurrects him and grants him immortality and the ability to shape-shift between eagle, wolf, bear and man. Now in modern times, a group of kids learn of this legend as they embark on a weekend camping trip in the same woods. Norris appears and helps them battle dangers both natural and manmade (at the hands of the villainous land-developer Terry Kiser and his henchmen). Pretty standard 90s kids fare, but it is unintentionally hilarious to see Norris swoop in (literally) and kick a bunch of dudes asses in the woods. Chuck Norris morphing into a bear is a Junesploitation miracle.
Outside of the Flint and Matt Helm series, i believe theres an entire genre of bond inspired films. Id heard about this one from early Tarantino film festivals. Overall the production quality is reallllly good with beautiful locations, soundtrack, and 60s vibe. The focus is on the henchwomen assassins moreso than the big bad. And the Bond surrogate, Bulldog Drummond and his Dick Grayson like ward is passable. Regrettably theres almost no plot nor action, a shame really as i think a little more focus there could have given a decent overall bondsploitation flick.
I was gonna suggest Bondsploitation or Secret Agents as a category! There were TONS of Euro Bond knock-offs back in the late 60s; there was even a Bond rip-off with Sean Connery's brother Neil called Operation Kid Brother!
Few things are as delightfully “what-the-hell-is-this” as the career of Robert Bronzi. You know him—the Hungarian actor who looks so much like Charles Bronson it’s practically a superpower.
Usually, when you see a title like 12 to Midnight, you’re expecting a gritty, street-level vigilante flick, a direct nod to the Cannon Films era. And for a hot second, you get it. Detective Toth (Bronzi) starts in a convenience store, taking out scum like he’s Manny Cobretti. He’s drowning his sorrows after his wife meets a grizzly end and has lost his badge. But he’s soon back on the beat when a new string of murders starts, and the killer isn’t just a psycho with a knife. He’s got hair, claws, and a serious issue with the lunar cycle.
Yes, the movie decides it’s tired of just being Death Wish and pivots hard into a werewolf movie.
This flick also features UFC legend Tito Ortiz filling a niche here that feels like it was designed for a discount Vin Diesel. But the film really succeeds thanks to its atmospheric vibe, heavily bolstered by the filming locations in Centralia, PA—which is, for all intents and purposes, the real-life Silent Hill.
Is the werewolf costume a bit silly? Sure. Are the practical effects a mixed bag? Always. But that’s the charm of this movie, which finally answers the question I’ve asked a hundred times: What would happen if Charles Bronson got to shoot a werewolf?
This film continues the meta-narrative of the Bronzi Cinematic Universe, where Robert Bronzi essentially recreates the tropes of classic 70s and 80s action cinema through a low-budget, modern horror lens. I want to say, “Thank you, Bronzi.” You already showed us what would happen if Bronson fought Pazuzu in Exorcist Vengeance and a slasher in Cry Havoc. I can only hope we get to see what happens when Bronzi asks aliens, vampires and super villains if they want to meet Jesus.
At first I misread this title as the Bronson-helmed gem, 10 to Midnight, which then made me wonder, is there an 11 to Midnight? Well, apparently there is, but it's nothing like 10 or 12:
"11 to Midnight is an Off-Broadway, dialogue-free dance-theater production created by the viral social media duo Cost n' Mayor (Austin and Marideth Telenko) and Hideaway Circus."
What a wild tonal rollercoaster that triple feature would be...
I got to see this at a drive-in theater a couple years.
12 To Midnight was shot around Pennsylvania's anthracite coal region. Sites around the towns of Summit Hill (Number 9 Tunnel) and Tamaqua (train station) were used. Daniel Roebuck is from the Lehigh Valley, not far from that area, so it was a kind of home coming for him. Interestingly, he starred in a Hallmark-style Christmas film shot in the city of Bethlehem, PA, around the same time that also got a local release.
Being a regional film, 12 To Midnight was shown for one night at the Circle Drive-In in Scranton. The director and several of the people who helped to make it were there, and I had the chance to ask a few questions. The director said the cabin scenes were the only ones shot outside of Pennsylvania.
Jingle All The Way (1996): Shwarzy-does-family-movie-sploitation... I felt like watching the movie and hearing Shwarzy shout "Put that cookie down, now!" To Phil Hartman, which was my text alert for a while, a few years ago. It's a perfect movie to watch when I woke up and ate my breakfast. Plus, you know, Phil Hartman?
The Good, The Bad, The Weird (2008): I missed Korean Day yesterday, but thanks to Amazon same-day delivery, I got the Arrow 4k late in the evening so I can watch it this morning on Free Space day. Still a masterpiece. Fantastic release from Arrow.
Side note, they just release Monty Python Fliegender Zirkus, the German specials, on blu-ray. It cost way too much, because it's a steelbook (why?), but as an OCD collector idiot, I had to get it. I watched it last night while waiting for TGTBTW to arrive. It's not their best work, but it's material that I never saw. Entirely in German, with English subtitles.
Sorry to make you spend money on stuff you didn't know you wanted to own. 😕 That said, Arrow's 4K release of "TGTBTW" really kicks booty and looks so cool on the shelf next to the other deluxe box sets. 😁😉
I like the original just fine, but I'm not precious about it (not a top 5 Carpenter for me), which probably makes it easier to enjoy this perfectly cromulent remake. The setup is much the same (siege of a soon-to-be-closed precinct; an uneasy alliance between cops and prisoners to fend off the would-be intruders), with a new spin on enough plot elements (primarily the nature of the assaulters) to make it feel like its own movie and not just a straight rehash of the 1976 version. The best thing the 2005 movie has going for it is a loaded cast (Ethan Hawke and Laurence Fishburne as the leads, Brian Dennehy, Maria Bello, Drea de Matteo, John Leguizamo, Gabriel Byrne) who elevate the movie at least one notch above mediocrity. It's just a solid actioner.
APOCALYPSE RISING (2018) A gang of sword-wielding space heroes flee their zombie-infected planet and come to Earth, except (uh-oh!) the zombies followed them here. Very low budget and cheesy, this has a similar look and tone as the cosplayers-running-around-the-park fan films I’ve been watching. There’s a ton of religious gobbledygook in this, and I’m unsure if it’s meant to be fantasy world building, or satiric/shocking, or even genuine. And for a movie about space barbarians vs. zombies, there’s not a lot of action. I suppose I should appreciate that the filmmakers included a lot of big ideas and themes in their sci-fi, but, honestly, I was just bored.
30 days of fan films, day 7: HALLOWEEN KNIGHT (2025) You gotta love when fan films do mashups/crossovers that wouldn’t be possible otherwise. Case in point, here’s Batman vs. Michael Myers. Michael comes to Gotham on a killing spree, so Bats and the whole Bat family must track him down. Every fan film is low budget, but this movie struggles more than most against the lack of resources. The costumes are rough, and the nighttime scenes are barely visible. On the other hand, the Batmobile effect looks decent and I liked the actor playing Commissioner Gordon.
I had never seen this movie, but it's referenced so many times in other movies that I HAVE seen, that I wanted to see it. So, I recorded it almost a year ago in anticipation of "Westerns" day during Junesploitation. (Author's note: there is no "Westerns" day during Junesploitation this year.) Having now seen it, I am confused. Bill Hicks had a whole routine about a scene in this movie with Jack Palance that I swear is not in the movie. In The Negotiator, Kevin Spacey has an entire scene about how Shane dies at the end of the movie when he clearly does not. Are all the references to this movie simply wrong?
Programmed a little mini-marathon based on classic Junesploitation categories that weren't included in this year's calendar.
Cars!: The Driver (1978, dir. Walter Hill)
After another succesful robbery, the best getaway driver in the business (Ryan O'Neal) catches the attention of both a tough cop who's not afraid to break the rules to catch him (Bruce Dern) and a beautiful woman who gets mixed up in his dangerous dealings (Isabelle Adjani).
The essence of 70's sleek and cool. The plot is simple and straightforward, the characters are tough and terse, and the chase scenes through L.A. streets are well shot and pretty thrilling (though I could've used a few more of them). The script is so lean it doesn't even have time to give the characters names, the actors are credited as "The Driver" or "The Detective" or "Glasses" or "Teeth".
Cops!: The New Centurions (1972, dir. Richard Fleischer)
A rookie cop (Stacy Keach) joins the L.A.P.D. and is mentored by a veteran nearing retirement (George C. Scott). Slowly but surely the job wears down the young cop's idealism and positivity.
A movie about mostly good cops mostly trying to do the right thing, sometimes succeeding and sometimes failing. At times presents a pretty bleak picture of the world, but there are glimmers of hope too. And then the ending goes exactly where you expect it to. The impressive supporting cast includes Ed Lauter, Scott Wilson, Erik Estrada, William Atherton, and Clifton James (a.k.a. Sheriff J.W. Pepper from a couple of Roger Moore's Bond movies). A pretty good movie, not necessarily a great pick for Junesploitation.
Westerns!: Bandidas (2006, dir. Joachim Rønning & Espen Sandberg)
Mexico, 1880. An American land baron is taking over locals' possessions by shady deals, extortion and murder. After he kills both their fathers and takes everything they have, an idealistic farm girl (Penélope Cruz) and a banker's sophisticate daughter (Salma Hayek) team up to take from the rich, give to the poor and exact revenge.
The story's unoriginal and the comedy only rarely funny, but the movie skates by on Cruz and Hayek's charisma and Dwight Yoakam's villain turn (as he showed in Panic Room, he can play a scary villain). And there are much worse ways to spend 90 minutes than ogling at the two leads.
Animals!: Dangerous Animals (2025, dir. Sean Byrne)
Tucker runs a "swimming with sharks" experience for tourists from his boat in Australia's Gold Coast. He's also a serial killer who kidnaps women and ritualistically feeds them to sharks. But his latest victim, free-spirited and feisty American surfer girl Zephyr, is a fighter and will do anything to get away.
The story's pretty by-the-numbers "crazy serial killer" thriller, but it's well filmed and sustains tension for the duration, Hassie Harrison as Zephyr is likeable, and Jai Courtney gives the performance of his career (so far) as the shark-obsessed maniac.
You know what, maybe the title refers to people rather than sharks? I wonder if anyone's ever had that thought before?
Currently streaming on the Criterion Channel in both a set of Alex Cox movies and one of Courtney Love films. This is one bonkers absurdist neo-Western. I am speechless. Bunch of musicians in this, you got Joe Strummer and Elvis Costello. Jim Jarmusch shows up at one point, along with Dennis Hopper. Never seen before, feels like I made a good choice for Free Day. Think the espresso slurping gang is my favorite. Was watching with sub-titles on, love the occaisonal "coffee percolating noise".
This was the other option I pulled for South Korea Day. No surprise, it's great. Buy my biggest takeaway is that I could never be hired to act in this movie for a number of reasons, but not the least of which is the fact that the amount of crouching everyone does throughout the 141 minute runtime is enough to make my knees explode on camera.
Mars Attacks! (1996): I know the movie is not loved by everyone, but I like it. It's pretty much a game of "spot the cameo". Maybe Burton was too focused on the cameos and CGI. He still made a very entertaining funny alien invasion flick.
Yay, freedom! 🤠
ReplyDelete034.- THE THREE MUSKETEERS (1948, TCM)
In late May my boss Frank invited me to lunch at work. He really likes movies, so I explained to him what Junesploitation! is and showed Frank the daily categories. He made some suggestions, and one of them was "The Three Musketeers" starring Gene Kelly. 'Gene Kelly starred in a "Musketeers" movie? I had no idea,' I said. 'Not only did he star in one,' Frank replied, 'it's the best "Musketeers" adaptation ever put to film.' So off to TCM streaming from DirectTV I went. Directed by George Sidney ("Show Boat," "Ziegfeld Follies," etc.), this Technicolor swashbuckler started strong and just kept getting better. Though Lara Turner gets top billing (and earns it during the 2nd half) this is Gene Kelly's movie from frame one. Kelly's dance training came in handy when his D'Argtanan character (whose resemblance to Errol Flynn isn't a coincidence) springs/jumps around during numerous sword fights. And whether it's near a beach, palatial castles, public parks or the many inns they stay at, the brawls with Richelieu's men are constant and furious. It's a little over two hours, but this '48 "Musketeers" goes by fast and never outstays its welcome.
Even better, unlike most latter "Musketeers" movie adaptations concentrating on the first half of Alexandre Dumas' novel, this one squeezes in the whole book. And it's in the latter half that Lana Turner's Lady de Winter quietly steals the show. Her past with Athos (Vance Heflin, whose couple of scenes recounting his relationship with de Winter are emotional acting highlights), her cunning resourcefulness seducing D'Argtanan and The Duke of Buckingham (John Sutton), and manipulation of kind-hearted Constance (June Allyson) are exquisitely evil. Who knew Angela Lansbury (as Queen Anne) was such a hottie, or that Vincent Price made Richelieu such a fun villain? I came into this "Three Musketeers" adaptation a skeptic, and came out a big fan. Thanks, Frank. 😁👍5 INNS WITH CONVENIENT VENTILATION TO HEAR THE BAD GUYS' PLANS (out of five).
'BIG 'SPLOSIONS' TWOFER!
ReplyDelete035.- THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT (1996, ARROW 4K UHD)
Too bad Geena Davis stopped making action movies after this one. Yes, her and hubby Renny Harlin's "Cutthroat Island" was a mid-90's studio-bankrupting disaster. But follow-up "The Long Kiss Goodnight" had a more solid foundation (a Shane Black script thick with outrageous action scenes and witty dialogue), better supporting cast (post-"Pulp Fiction" Samuel L. Jackson firing on all cylinders, Brian Cox, Patrick Malahide, Craig Bierko chewing scenery, etc.) and 90's New Line Cinema production values. And if you want big 'splosions they don't come bigger than the bridge blowing up at the end of this movie, a combination of miniatures and real-life pyro (cars on fire dropping from above) that blew my mind in '96 and are mighty pretty to watch (and rewatch, and rewind to watch again in slow motion 🤓) in Arrow's pristine 4K transfer. Physics-defying jumps/explosions and car/trailer wrecks notwithstanding, "TLKG" just plain rules. 4.25 SAMANTHA CAINE NIGHTMARE MIRRORS (out of five).
This was a Junesploitation watch for me from early in this decade. Time does fly. It was funny to see my home area (The Poconos) as the setting, though I remember reading that the film was shot in Canada. I go to Stroudsburg all the time. The town of Honesdale, about an hour north from here, was the inspiration for the Christmas song "Let It Snow".
Delete036.- BLOWN AWAY (1994, KINO LORBER BLU-RAY)
ReplyDeleteWow. I thought Tommy Lee Jones' over-the-top performance as Harvey Two-Face in 1995's "Batman Forever" was either him trying to keep up with Jim Carrey's Riddler or bad direction from Joel Schumacher. But Scott Hopkins' action thriller "Blown Away" (released a year prior) shows that TLJ was already hamming it up big time. Escaped-from-Irish-island-prison IRA bomber Ryan Gaerity (OMG, TML's Irish accent! 😳🥵) is in Boston seeking revenge against former-ally-that-turned-against-him James Dove (Jeff Bridges, not even trying to fake a faint trace of an Irish accent). Things start blowing up spectacularly big as Gaerity targets Dove's Boston P.D. brothers with tricky detonation devices that the latter's bomb squad colleagues aren't prepared for. A relatively stacked cast (Suzy Amis, Forest Whitaker, John Finn, Lloyd Bridges, etc.) is mostly background fodder for the inevitable face-off between Bridges and Jones. Pyro ramps up nicely, leading to the final 'splosion of an abandoned boat that had to break a few records and nearby windows... that fireball is gigantic! 😰🫣
4 ACCIDENTAL CAMEOS BY JOHN WILLIAMS IN ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE CONDUCTING BOSTON POPS ON THE 4TH OF JULY (out of five). Seriously, fast-forward to 1:42:15 on the Kino disc... that's John Williams center left! 😍😁
037.- ENCINO MAN (1992, AMAZON PURCHASE)
ReplyDeleteWas gonna rent this on Amazon for $3.99, but it was on sale as a $4.99 digital purchase... I HAD NO CHOICE! 😉😅 Seriously though, I'd never seen "Encino Man" before and was expecting to at the very least enjoy young Brendan Fraser pulling the savage-in-an-advanced-world, 'babe in the woods' routine while getting by on his good looks. What I wasn't expecting was falling in love with Pauly Shore's performance as Sean Astin's bestie, who starts annoying (because he's Pauly freakin' Shore) but by the end of the movie has shown more common sense, more heart, better reasoning and a truer friendship with 'Link' (Fraser) than top-billed Samwise Gamgee. Yes, it's early 90's as eff (so many fashion/learning montages, Richard Masur and Mariette Hartley as clueless parents, Michael DeLuise as a bully, etc.) and soaked in SoCal culture. Like "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure," though, it's a smarter comedy than it appears to be, one where the character growth of Link and Stoney (Shore) ultimately overshadows Dave (Astin) pursuing the affections of the chick he's after. I so wish we had gotten an "Encino Chick" sequel based on this one's final scene. 😃🥸 3.5 RICK DUCOMMUN BACKSTORY-APPROPRIATE MUSEUM FIELD TRIPS (out of five).
VALENTINA THE VIRGIN WIFE (1975, dir. Marino Girolami)
ReplyDeleteThe Italian title is LA MOGLIE VERGINE.
Edwige Fenech was the queen of Italian s-e-x comedy in the 1970s. This is one of her films that I missed when I did a deep dive into the genre many years ago. In Valentina, Fenech portrays the newlywed spouse of a man having certain s-e-x-u-a-l issues. The farcical nature of Italian sex comedy comes into play early as the family gets involved in trying to resolve the couple’s problems, which tends to only makes matters worse. There are plenty of h-o-r-n-y scenes spread throughout the film. VALENTINA is middle-of-the-road as far as these kind of films go, but Fenech makes anything she is in better.
Agree. Edwige Fenech improves any movie just by being in it. 😍😘
DeleteWhat are the best Fenech s-e-x comedies? Asking for a friend...
DeleteBest ones? That is tricky question.
DeleteBeing an Italian genre fan in general, my standards can shift very low, which is necessary to watch many of these la commedia sexy all'Italiana films. I also had to watch most of them in Italian without subtitles - mainly on Youtube back in the day - figuring out the situations from my limited Italian and the visuals. And plot summaries online. Being a Bud Spencer fan, Mikko, you probably saw at least a few movies with no subtitles just to be able to watch them.
Edwige's films are probably the best ones to test out a tolerance of the genre. Wife on Vacation... Lover in Town (with Barbara Bouchet); The Inconsolable Widow Thanks Those Who Console Her (La Vedova Inconsolabile); La Pretora (directed by Lucio Fulci).
The male characters tend to be pigs, and there frequently is a leering tone to the n-u-d-i-t-y. A lot of v-o-y-e-u-r-i-s-t-i-c scenarios happen. The lead male characters also tend to be middle-aged types who do not match the general standard of male attractiveness. A '70s thing, I guess? Typical of Italian genre cinema, the same guys kept showing up in the movies, too.
Thanks Casual, I'll keep those in mind.
DeleteFortunately for me, Spencer/Hill movies (and some of their solo efforts) are pretty well known in Finland, so they're easily available on disc with Finnish subs (and usually English dubs).
Mikko- I watched Ubalda, All Naked and Warm (1972) last year, and it was very goofy/slapstick. I wasn't really into that, and Fenech could have been featured more. So I guess that's a warning, unless you really like that kind of comedy :)
DeleteThere was a small wave of medieval period comedies like UBALDA in the early 1970s. The Italian producers did not find a trend that they did not beat to death, after all. I find those films tend to be some of the most difficult ones to sit through. The broad humor is very dated.
Delete'CONTEMPORARY UNRATED HORROR' DOUBLE FEATURE!
ReplyDelete038.- PITFALL (2026, THEATER)
James Kondelik's previous directorial work ("Airplane vs. Volcano," "Dam Sharks") couldn't have prepared me for "Pitfall" punching slightly above its survivalist horror weight. A hulking, menacing hunter (Randy Couture) threatens, plays with and ultimately goes after campers lost in a dense forest. "Pitfall" periodically cuts to two random girls lost in the woods (!), the main group of ill-matched friends (think "Cabin in the Woods" stereotypes) and separated-from-the-pack Scott (Marshall Williams) impaled at the bottom of a spike-filled pit trying to free himself. Flashbacks to the damaged relationship between Scott and his sister (including an incoming car crash telegraphed so far in advance my theater audience got testy and openly mocked what should have been a tragic moment), plus Scott imagining his alter ego torturing him, make us sympathize with these characters more than your typical cannon fodder slasher victims. Gore/violence is infrequent and sporadic, but when it comes it's the graphic type that lingers and doesn't cut away (because no 'R' rating restrictions). Wish "Pitfall" was shorter than 108 minutes, but it's that long because it at least tries to make us care for the human characters about to be 'Coutured.' 'It's fine.' 3 BEAR MACE CANS (out of five).
039.- CORPORATE RETREAT ('26, THEATER)
ReplyDeleteA torture p@rn endurance test, "Corporate Retreat" at least has Alan Ruck hamming it up as the fired founder of a successful upstart company that gets revenge on the young executives that conspired to oust him. Rosanna Arquette gets third billing for minutes of on-screen sulking before her character is dispatched very early on (lucky her). Locked in a SoCal luxury building with armed cult followers (Zión Moreno stands out) willing/eager to pull the trigger, Ruck's Arthur pushes body-mutilating challenges on the remaining survivors to move on to the next level of enlightment/challenge. No 'R' rating equals graphic body horror galore, which loses its impact after the 3rd or 4th time someone removes their left eyeball with the same bloody spoon. 🤢🤮Not even final girl Odeya Rush (who wasn't even supposed to be there) is immune to the horror. Should have rewatched "Backrooms" or "Obsession" instead. 1.75 CHEKHOV'S LOADED GUNS UNDER THE INFINITY POOL OUTDOOR SOFA (out of five).
Monster Hunter (2020):
ReplyDeleteForgotten COVID effort from Paul WS Anderson. Mila Jovovich is Action Woman, who goes through a time portal and wakes up on Arrakis. Meets up with Turok: Dinosaur Hunter and battles dragons. A true #Junesploitation special.
BONUS: 30 DAYS OF PINK PANTHER & FRIENDS, DAY 7!
ReplyDelete040.- THE PINK PANTHER: PINK, PLUNK, PLINK (5/25/1966, DVD). Available to stream on YOUTUBE.
Since I gave The Inspector cartoon the three-way treatment yesterday, turnabout is fair play for The Pink Panther... especially since we have two live-action movie reviews coming up in the chronology. 🧐🙄 "Pink, Plunk, Plink" has the Panther crashing the Hollywood Bowl to try to perform variations of his theme song during a performance of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. Naturally The Little Man conductor's having none of it. Worth seeing for the end of the cartoon featuring a video cameo by Henry Mancini. 🤓🤩4.5 ROCKET-STRAPPED CONDUCTOR BATONS (out of five).
041.- THE PINK PANTHER: JET PINK (6/13/1967, DVD). Available to stream on YOUTUBE.
DeleteThe Pink Panther wants to become a famous pilot (most of the cartoons feature the same motivation), so he hops aboard the experimental X-13 propulsion jet and starts pushing buttons. This is the first cartoon in this series I remembered liking, but the actual tune is really bad. The Panther doesn't do much and he's mostly reactive to the plane flying itself. Somehow he can wave his arms fast-enough to fly after the X-13 jet after he's ejected from it... WHAT?! 😧🫣2.25 CITY CIVILIANS RUNNING FOR COVER (out of five).
042.- THE PINK PANTHER: PSYCHEDELIC PINK (3/13/1968, DVD). Available to stream on YOUTUBE.
DeleteMost of these DePatie-Freleng Enterprises cartoons (Pink Panther or The Inspector) mirror or copy the plots/gags from the classics (Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry, etc.) their creators worked on in previous decades. "Psychedelic Pink" is one of the few that dabbles in the 60's youth counterculture. Even the usually flat opening credits have optical distortion effects and bongo drums added to the theme song. The Panther enters a 'Psychedelic Library' with a hypnotizing eye for a door. All sorts of crazy shit happens: a loose 'F' letter becomes a shotgun, ladders spring out of suitcases, playing hole with the dot above 'J,' a broken books gets rushed to an ER operating room, etc. In a sea of traditional animated settings/scenarios, this little gem stands out. 4.65 EUREKA! THOUGHT BUBBLE LIGHT BULBS ON A LAMP (out of five).
Forest Warrior (1996, dir. Aaron Norris)
ReplyDeleteIn the 1800s a mountain man (Chuck Norris) is gunned down by bandits in the woods. As his body rests in a mystical glade, a forest spirit resurrects him and grants him immortality and the ability to shape-shift between eagle, wolf, bear and man. Now in modern times, a group of kids learn of this legend as they embark on a weekend camping trip in the same woods. Norris appears and helps them battle dangers both natural and manmade (at the hands of the villainous land-developer Terry Kiser and his henchmen). Pretty standard 90s kids fare, but it is unintentionally hilarious to see Norris swoop in (literally) and kick a bunch of dudes asses in the woods. Chuck Norris morphing into a bear is a Junesploitation miracle.
'Chuck Norris morphing into a bear is a Junesploitation miracle.' 😅🐻😂 Thanks, l needed a laugh so bad at work right now. 🫤😁
DeleteMovie: Deadlier Than the Male (1967)
ReplyDeleteSploitation Genre(s): Bondsploitation
Outside of the Flint and Matt Helm series, i believe theres an entire genre of bond inspired films. Id heard about this one from early Tarantino film festivals. Overall the production quality is reallllly good with beautiful locations, soundtrack, and 60s vibe. The focus is on the henchwomen assassins moreso than the big bad. And the Bond surrogate, Bulldog Drummond and his Dick Grayson like ward is passable. Regrettably theres almost no plot nor action, a shame really as i think a little more focus there could have given a decent overall bondsploitation flick.
I was gonna suggest Bondsploitation or Secret Agents as a category! There were TONS of Euro Bond knock-offs back in the late 60s; there was even a Bond rip-off with Sean Connery's brother Neil called Operation Kid Brother!
Delete12 to Midnight (2024)
ReplyDeleteFew things are as delightfully “what-the-hell-is-this” as the career of Robert Bronzi. You know him—the Hungarian actor who looks so much like Charles Bronson it’s practically a superpower.
Usually, when you see a title like 12 to Midnight, you’re expecting a gritty, street-level vigilante flick, a direct nod to the Cannon Films era. And for a hot second, you get it. Detective Toth (Bronzi) starts in a convenience store, taking out scum like he’s Manny Cobretti. He’s drowning his sorrows after his wife meets a grizzly end and has lost his badge. But he’s soon back on the beat when a new string of murders starts, and the killer isn’t just a psycho with a knife. He’s got hair, claws, and a serious issue with the lunar cycle.
Yes, the movie decides it’s tired of just being Death Wish and pivots hard into a werewolf movie.
This flick also features UFC legend Tito Ortiz filling a niche here that feels like it was designed for a discount Vin Diesel. But the film really succeeds thanks to its atmospheric vibe, heavily bolstered by the filming locations in Centralia, PA—which is, for all intents and purposes, the real-life Silent Hill.
Is the werewolf costume a bit silly? Sure. Are the practical effects a mixed bag? Always. But that’s the charm of this movie, which finally answers the question I’ve asked a hundred times: What would happen if Charles Bronson got to shoot a werewolf?
This film continues the meta-narrative of the Bronzi Cinematic Universe, where Robert Bronzi essentially recreates the tropes of classic 70s and 80s action cinema through a low-budget, modern horror lens. I want to say, “Thank you, Bronzi.” You already showed us what would happen if Bronson fought Pazuzu in Exorcist Vengeance and a slasher in Cry Havoc. I can only hope we get to see what happens when Bronzi asks aliens, vampires and super villains if they want to meet Jesus.
😳😲🤓😎
DeleteAt first I misread this title as the Bronson-helmed gem, 10 to Midnight, which then made me wonder, is there an 11 to Midnight? Well, apparently there is, but it's nothing like 10 or 12:
Delete"11 to Midnight is an Off-Broadway, dialogue-free dance-theater production created by the viral social media duo Cost n' Mayor (Austin and Marideth Telenko) and Hideaway Circus."
What a wild tonal rollercoaster that triple feature would be...
I got to see this at a drive-in theater a couple years.
Delete12 To Midnight was shot around Pennsylvania's anthracite coal region. Sites around the towns of Summit Hill (Number 9 Tunnel) and Tamaqua (train station) were used. Daniel Roebuck is from the Lehigh Valley, not far from that area, so it was a kind of home coming for him. Interestingly, he starred in a Hallmark-style Christmas film shot in the city of Bethlehem, PA, around the same time that also got a local release.
Being a regional film, 12 To Midnight was shown for one night at the Circle Drive-In in Scranton. The director and several of the people who helped to make it were there, and I had the chance to ask a few questions. The director said the cabin scenes were the only ones shot outside of Pennsylvania.
Jingle All The Way (1996): Shwarzy-does-family-movie-sploitation... I felt like watching the movie and hearing Shwarzy shout "Put that cookie down, now!" To Phil Hartman, which was my text alert for a while, a few years ago. It's a perfect movie to watch when I woke up and ate my breakfast. Plus, you know, Phil Hartman?
ReplyDeleteThe Good, The Bad, The Weird (2008): I missed Korean Day yesterday, but thanks to Amazon same-day delivery, I got the Arrow 4k late in the evening so I can watch it this morning on Free Space day. Still a masterpiece. Fantastic release from Arrow.
Side note, they just release Monty Python Fliegender Zirkus, the German specials, on blu-ray. It cost way too much, because it's a steelbook (why?), but as an OCD collector idiot, I had to get it. I watched it last night while waiting for TGTBTW to arrive. It's not their best work, but it's material that I never saw. Entirely in German, with English subtitles.
Sorry to make you spend money on stuff you didn't know you wanted to own. 😕 That said, Arrow's 4K release of "TGTBTW" really kicks booty and looks so cool on the shelf next to the other deluxe box sets. 😁😉
DeleteDon't worry, i was bound to get it one way or another 😎
DeleteAssault on Precinct 13 (2005)
ReplyDeleteI like the original just fine, but I'm not precious about it (not a top 5 Carpenter for me), which probably makes it easier to enjoy this perfectly cromulent remake. The setup is much the same (siege of a soon-to-be-closed precinct; an uneasy alliance between cops and prisoners to fend off the would-be intruders), with a new spin on enough plot elements (primarily the nature of the assaulters) to make it feel like its own movie and not just a straight rehash of the 1976 version. The best thing the 2005 movie has going for it is a loaded cast (Ethan Hawke and Laurence Fishburne as the leads, Brian Dennehy, Maria Bello, Drea de Matteo, John Leguizamo, Gabriel Byrne) who elevate the movie at least one notch above mediocrity. It's just a solid actioner.
"cromulent" LOL!
DeleteAPOCALYPSE RISING (2018)
ReplyDeleteA gang of sword-wielding space heroes flee their zombie-infected planet and come to Earth, except (uh-oh!) the zombies followed them here. Very low budget and cheesy, this has a similar look and tone as the cosplayers-running-around-the-park fan films I’ve been watching. There’s a ton of religious gobbledygook in this, and I’m unsure if it’s meant to be fantasy world building, or satiric/shocking, or even genuine. And for a movie about space barbarians vs. zombies, there’s not a lot of action. I suppose I should appreciate that the filmmakers included a lot of big ideas and themes in their sci-fi, but, honestly, I was just bored.
30 days of fan films, day 7: HALLOWEEN KNIGHT (2025)
You gotta love when fan films do mashups/crossovers that wouldn’t be possible otherwise. Case in point, here’s Batman vs. Michael Myers. Michael comes to Gotham on a killing spree, so Bats and the whole Bat family must track him down. Every fan film is low budget, but this movie struggles more than most against the lack of resources. The costumes are rough, and the nighttime scenes are barely visible. On the other hand, the Batmobile effect looks decent and I liked the actor playing Commissioner Gordon.
Shane (1953)
ReplyDeleteI had never seen this movie, but it's referenced so many times in other movies that I HAVE seen, that I wanted to see it. So, I recorded it almost a year ago in anticipation of "Westerns" day during Junesploitation. (Author's note: there is no "Westerns" day during Junesploitation this year.) Having now seen it, I am confused. Bill Hicks had a whole routine about a scene in this movie with Jack Palance that I swear is not in the movie. In The Negotiator, Kevin Spacey has an entire scene about how Shane dies at the end of the movie when he clearly does not. Are all the references to this movie simply wrong?
BACKROOMS (2026, Kane Parsons)
ReplyDeleteTaking the Free Space! theme literally.
Programmed a little mini-marathon based on classic Junesploitation categories that weren't included in this year's calendar.
ReplyDeleteCars!: The Driver (1978, dir. Walter Hill)
After another succesful robbery, the best getaway driver in the business (Ryan O'Neal) catches the attention of both a tough cop who's not afraid to break the rules to catch him (Bruce Dern) and a beautiful woman who gets mixed up in his dangerous dealings (Isabelle Adjani).
The essence of 70's sleek and cool. The plot is simple and straightforward, the characters are tough and terse, and the chase scenes through L.A. streets are well shot and pretty thrilling (though I could've used a few more of them). The script is so lean it doesn't even have time to give the characters names, the actors are credited as "The Driver" or "The Detective" or "Glasses" or "Teeth".
Cops!: The New Centurions (1972, dir. Richard Fleischer)
A rookie cop (Stacy Keach) joins the L.A.P.D. and is mentored by a veteran nearing retirement (George C. Scott). Slowly but surely the job wears down the young cop's idealism and positivity.
A movie about mostly good cops mostly trying to do the right thing, sometimes succeeding and sometimes failing. At times presents a pretty bleak picture of the world, but there are glimmers of hope too. And then the ending goes exactly where you expect it to. The impressive supporting cast includes Ed Lauter, Scott Wilson, Erik Estrada, William Atherton, and Clifton James (a.k.a. Sheriff J.W. Pepper from a couple of Roger Moore's Bond movies). A pretty good movie, not necessarily a great pick for Junesploitation.
Westerns!: Bandidas (2006, dir. Joachim Rønning & Espen Sandberg)
Mexico, 1880. An American land baron is taking over locals' possessions by shady deals, extortion and murder. After he kills both their fathers and takes everything they have, an idealistic farm girl (Penélope Cruz) and a banker's sophisticate daughter (Salma Hayek) team up to take from the rich, give to the poor and exact revenge.
The story's unoriginal and the comedy only rarely funny, but the movie skates by on Cruz and Hayek's charisma and Dwight Yoakam's villain turn (as he showed in Panic Room, he can play a scary villain). And there are much worse ways to spend 90 minutes than ogling at the two leads.
Animals!: Dangerous Animals (2025, dir. Sean Byrne)
Tucker runs a "swimming with sharks" experience for tourists from his boat in Australia's Gold Coast. He's also a serial killer who kidnaps women and ritualistically feeds them to sharks. But his latest victim, free-spirited and feisty American surfer girl Zephyr, is a fighter and will do anything to get away.
The story's pretty by-the-numbers "crazy serial killer" thriller, but it's well filmed and sustains tension for the duration, Hassie Harrison as Zephyr is likeable, and Jai Courtney gives the performance of his career (so far) as the shark-obsessed maniac.
You know what, maybe the title refers to people rather than sharks? I wonder if anyone's ever had that thought before?
Hokum (2026)
ReplyDeleteLiked this a lot, though something about the three McCarthy movies I've seen hasn't quite knocked it out of the park for me just yet.
Straight to Hell (1987, dir. A. Cox)
ReplyDeleteCurrently streaming on the Criterion Channel in both a set of Alex Cox movies and one of Courtney Love films. This is one bonkers absurdist neo-Western. I am speechless. Bunch of musicians in this, you got Joe Strummer and Elvis Costello. Jim Jarmusch shows up at one point, along with Dennis Hopper. Never seen before, feels like I made a good choice for Free Day. Think the espresso slurping gang is my favorite. Was watching with sub-titles on, love the occaisonal "coffee percolating noise".
Memories of Murder (2003, dir. Bong Joon Ho)
ReplyDeleteThis was the other option I pulled for South Korea Day. No surprise, it's great. Buy my biggest takeaway is that I could never be hired to act in this movie for a number of reasons, but not the least of which is the fact that the amount of crouching everyone does throughout the 141 minute runtime is enough to make my knees explode on camera.
Mars Attacks! (1996): I know the movie is not loved by everyone, but I like it. It's pretty much a game of "spot the cameo". Maybe Burton was too focused on the cameos and CGI. He still made a very entertaining funny alien invasion flick.
ReplyDelete