Feels weird writing this article to be honest. What a silly thing I just did for a week and a half. Even doing this slapdash ranking feels odd. These are just 21 movies I watched. Anybody could’ve watched them. I guess, yes, they were all at the same film festival, and yes, I saw them early, so I suppose I am allowed to write this article without getting all existential, if that’s even what I’m doing. For some reason, I am picturing the readers of this article to be all the contractors in their 60s that I saw at Home Depot today, me telling them “So at number 21, I have Fjord, which may be controversial since it won a big prize in France,” and them looking at me saying, “OK, little buddy.” But, no, this is a movie site. It’s not that deep, Joel. I saw 21 movies at a film festival and I am putting them in order, based on my enjoyment.
I am writing a little bit about each of the movies I haven’t written about in my previous round-ups. Unfortunately, it started getting tough securing tickets for the victory lap screenings of the buzzed-about movies, so I wasn't eating great for a few days. I fear that if you are reading my work for the first time here, you will think I’m a very negative man. The bottom four in this list all have lil blurbs and then you don’t hear from me for a bit. Please know, I love movies. I liked most of the movies I saw this week. Luckily, on my last day I was able to snag a couple good ones, including the big winner of the People’s Choice Award, La Bola Negra. For good measure, I will provide some extra words about my number one.
A couple of the ones I didn’t end up getting to: River, Arrested Memory, The Face of Horror, Club Kid I Play Rocky, Elsinore. The first four I do wish I’d seen, and then with I Play Rocky and Elsinore I have some FOMO about simply out of obligation.
21. Fjord (dir. Cristian Mungiu)
I saw this on the first day of fest and I famously forgot to write about it, realized this before publishing, and remained staunch. I did not care to write about it. Its high approval rating has certainly contributed to my growing disdain for it. I simply just do not get what people like about this movie. The subject matter is pedantic and none of my business. I will not judge anyone who liked it, but it did nothing for me. Well, it kind of pissed me off, but not so much that I am gonna yell about it. It's all good. I’m fine.
20. The City of the Living (dir. Edoardo Gabbriellini).jpeg)
In a festival full of dramas hellbent on upsetting me, this one made me very sad. I did not care for that feeling. The movie ended and I thought to myself “Can we just not?” Like, can we just not make me sad like that? Who do I need to hug? Everyone do me a favor. Hug the filmmakers in your life so that I am not so sad next year. I get it. The world is fucked up, but damn, this was sad and it made me want to take a long, cold shower.
19. Trees Are Watching (dir. Bahman Ghobabi)
Another bummer. I really wanted to like the haunted chair movie, but it did nothing for me. Also, it seems like there’s some generative AI stuff in here, so it's not just the subject matter that's a bummer. Hey, there is a good scene where Eva Green fights a chair, but why does a movie with a scene like that in it gotta take itself so seriously?
18. Ink (dir. Danny Boyle)
This one starts strong, but as the movie goes on, I started to realize that the delights of the first half were all style and no substance. The ideas here about Rupert Murdoch's effect on society are presented to us as if it's some brilliant observation the movie’s just thought of and I just sat there like “Ya dude, we know. I agree it’s fucked but we’ve been saying this shit for a while.” And then it just keeps making the same point. Disappointing that Danny Boyle made this, not just because of the generative AI (but seriously what the hell guys). I will say, I don’t think the first half would have been as entertaining if it weren’t for him. He clearly still has a semblance of a fastball. I just hope he’s gotten this type of thing out of his system.
17. Rogue Trooper (dir. Duncan Jones)
16. The Spiral (dir. Paolo Strippoli)
15. Toy Gun Bandit (dir. Rémi St-Michel)
14. Woman Unknown (dir. May el-Toukhy)
13. God Bless You, Mr. Kopu (dir. Alex Liu)
12. Possible Love (dir. Lee Chang-dong)
11. Ladies and Gentlemen, Brian Mulroney (dir. Matt Rankin)
10. The Only Living Pickpocket in New York (dir. Noah Segan)
9. Anchors Aweigh (dir. Matt Barats)
8. Half (dir. Samjad)
This one’s a total ripper. A pair of twins get robbed and left for dead, but guess what? They have Wolverine powers (or I guess they’re vampires maybe?) and all their wounds heal overnight and now they’re gonna go fuck up the lowlifes who fucked them over. Awesome fight scenes and a handful of despicable villains who you want to see get their shit rocked so badly and then they do and it rules.
7. La Bola Negra (dir. Javier Calvo and Javier Ambrossi)
While I didn’t weep like the two people on either side of me, it’s undeniable that this movie packs a huge emotional punch. I think had I seen this earlier in the week, I may have been a puddle. Had it been a little longer, I may have been a different kind of puddle. A puddle of piss. This movie is long and I don’t think I could’ve held it any longer. The washrooms at the TIFF Lightbox are so far away from the theatre. It was the longest walk of my life. My knees nearly buckled and then at the urinals I felt like Austin Powers in that scene in the first Austin Powers movie when he takes a piss for the first time after being frozen for 30 years. But yes, the movie is long, but it kind of needs to be. It’s telling three stories, and all of them need time to breathe. I fear rushing through any of the character stuff in the first half would be detrimental to what the second half achieves. I found the way in which the three stories are connected to be quite clever, even though it’s eventually told to us in a rather obvious scene of exposition. But hey, at least this movie sort of does a variation on James Cameron’s “put your exposition in a car chase,” but instead of a car chase, it’s Glenn Close.
6. The Debut (dir. Jesse Eisenberg)
5. Your Mother Your Mother Your Mother (dir. Basam Tariq)
4. Bad Lieutenant: Tokyo (dir. Takashi Mikke)
3. The Stunt Driver (dir. Michael Dowse)
2. Tender Loving Care (dir. Mike Leigh)
1. Wild Horse Nine (dir. Martin McDonagh)
I’ll admit it feels kind of lame that in a festival full of movies from all over the world from so many filmmakers and genres, my number one is probably the most mainstream of the lot. What can I say? It really got me. I’m a fan of Martin McDonagh, but I really think he’s operating on all cylinders here, combining the strengths of all his works and shedding the things I’ve complained about with him. While funny and well-paced, I’ve always found his scripts a bit writerly at times, which makes me think about him rather than his characters. Wild Horse Nine is totally engrossing, which, yes, is in large part due to the performances, but I think it’s McDonagh’s most coherent screenplay yet. I rewatched In Bruges last week and I loved it, but I did at times feel like it was about the universal experience of feeling guilty about being a hitman. Wild Horse Nine makes the inner turmoil of its violent main characters more relatable, more lived-in, truly heartbreaking. It is also an urgent piece of work. Never in a heavy-handed way, but this is about our times, who is complicit in fascism, how to act when resistance feels pointless, what we can do to reckon with our own actions or inaction. It’s not always hopeful, and its stand-up-and-cheer moments always have a tinge of moral questionability, but it is hilarious and the laughs don’t ever stop, even in the hardest-hitting scenes. The true reason this is my number one is because it is the answer to the question “What do I most desperately want to be released widely, so that I can watch it again?”
Thank you for reading.
I am writing a little bit about each of the movies I haven’t written about in my previous round-ups. Unfortunately, it started getting tough securing tickets for the victory lap screenings of the buzzed-about movies, so I wasn't eating great for a few days. I fear that if you are reading my work for the first time here, you will think I’m a very negative man. The bottom four in this list all have lil blurbs and then you don’t hear from me for a bit. Please know, I love movies. I liked most of the movies I saw this week. Luckily, on my last day I was able to snag a couple good ones, including the big winner of the People’s Choice Award, La Bola Negra. For good measure, I will provide some extra words about my number one.
A couple of the ones I didn’t end up getting to: River, Arrested Memory, The Face of Horror, Club Kid I Play Rocky, Elsinore. The first four I do wish I’d seen, and then with I Play Rocky and Elsinore I have some FOMO about simply out of obligation.
21. Fjord (dir. Cristian Mungiu)
I saw this on the first day of fest and I famously forgot to write about it, realized this before publishing, and remained staunch. I did not care to write about it. Its high approval rating has certainly contributed to my growing disdain for it. I simply just do not get what people like about this movie. The subject matter is pedantic and none of my business. I will not judge anyone who liked it, but it did nothing for me. Well, it kind of pissed me off, but not so much that I am gonna yell about it. It's all good. I’m fine.
20. The City of the Living (dir. Edoardo Gabbriellini)
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19. Trees Are Watching (dir. Bahman Ghobabi)
Another bummer. I really wanted to like the haunted chair movie, but it did nothing for me. Also, it seems like there’s some generative AI stuff in here, so it's not just the subject matter that's a bummer. Hey, there is a good scene where Eva Green fights a chair, but why does a movie with a scene like that in it gotta take itself so seriously?
18. Ink (dir. Danny Boyle)
This one starts strong, but as the movie goes on, I started to realize that the delights of the first half were all style and no substance. The ideas here about Rupert Murdoch's effect on society are presented to us as if it's some brilliant observation the movie’s just thought of and I just sat there like “Ya dude, we know. I agree it’s fucked but we’ve been saying this shit for a while.” And then it just keeps making the same point. Disappointing that Danny Boyle made this, not just because of the generative AI (but seriously what the hell guys). I will say, I don’t think the first half would have been as entertaining if it weren’t for him. He clearly still has a semblance of a fastball. I just hope he’s gotten this type of thing out of his system.
17. Rogue Trooper (dir. Duncan Jones)
16. The Spiral (dir. Paolo Strippoli)
15. Toy Gun Bandit (dir. Rémi St-Michel)
14. Woman Unknown (dir. May el-Toukhy)
13. God Bless You, Mr. Kopu (dir. Alex Liu)
12. Possible Love (dir. Lee Chang-dong)
10. The Only Living Pickpocket in New York (dir. Noah Segan)
9. Anchors Aweigh (dir. Matt Barats)
8. Half (dir. Samjad)
This one’s a total ripper. A pair of twins get robbed and left for dead, but guess what? They have Wolverine powers (or I guess they’re vampires maybe?) and all their wounds heal overnight and now they’re gonna go fuck up the lowlifes who fucked them over. Awesome fight scenes and a handful of despicable villains who you want to see get their shit rocked so badly and then they do and it rules.
7. La Bola Negra (dir. Javier Calvo and Javier Ambrossi)
6. The Debut (dir. Jesse Eisenberg)
5. Your Mother Your Mother Your Mother (dir. Basam Tariq)
4. Bad Lieutenant: Tokyo (dir. Takashi Mikke)
3. The Stunt Driver (dir. Michael Dowse)
2. Tender Loving Care (dir. Mike Leigh)
1. Wild Horse Nine (dir. Martin McDonagh)
Thank you for reading.
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